Walmart Tries to Emulate MySpace

mattsucks writes to tell us that according to AdAge, retail behemoth WalMart is trying desperately to target the MySpace demographic with a new, and highly sanitized, site designed to appeal to teens. From the article: "It's a quasi-social-networking site for teens designed to allow them to 'express their individuality,' yet it screens all content, tells parents their kids have joined and forbids users to e-mail one another. Oh, and it calls users 'hubsters' -- a twist on hipsters that proves just how painfully uncool it is to try to be cool."

Uh oh

[Anonymous Coward]

I didn't think it was humanly possible, but I think I like Myspace better.

I think I just threw-up a bit

[Aqua OS X]

If that site were any more out of touch it would download via Senator Ted Stevens' tube based internet.

I think Walmart's been taking marketing advise from Steven Colbert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PbJJUy1KD8 [youtube.com]

Dear Jeebus

[identity0]

Oh.... My... Gawd....

I have finally seen it: The Worst Idea On The Internet.

I always thought it would come from Bush, Ballmer, or Bin Laden, but congratulations, Wal-Mart, you've won! Yes, because we all know that teens are clamoring to be associated with that haven of cool, the Wal-Mart Supercenter! They'll hang out all day in chat rooms monitored by a giant smiley face that threatens to "Roll back trolls"! They want clever, yet unoffensive nicknames like 'The gr33tr' and 'mop_guy_99'! They'll argue all day over whether they should get the 80-pack of Charmin or the 120-pack of generic brand toilet paper!

What teen wouldn't mind saying in the halls of their school, "I'll see ya on The HUB, dude!" "ya, see ya later, HUBSTER"?! (tragically these two kids were beaten to death with Abercrombie & Fitch merchandise a few moments later)

Seriously, I can imagine the Gap or Abercrombie, maybe even Starbucks doing this, but.... Wal-mart?!?!

I can only imagine that the kind of teen that would use Wal-mart for a social networking service are the ones who go there barefoot and pregnant because they thought Saran Wrap was a contraceptive. That and the guys who argue over Coors Lite vs. Miller Lite.

May Cthulu help us all.

Re:MySpace

[hclyff]

Perhaps I'm too old.

Yes, definitely. If, by old, you mean born before 1993.

Re:Grammar Nazi...

[Anonymous Coward]

You missed the other error: "the trying-way-to-hard dept."

Unless, of course, it's about ways to get to 'hard', and this is a trying one...

MySpace.com for the Bible belt

[bazmail]

This is embarrassing. This is like the federal government starting a myspace rival.

Just wait for Hub 2.0...

[Hamster Lover]

Just wait. Walmart will realize their mistake and allow kids to do things like add hot pink text on top of bright orange, move the text boxes all over the fucking page and feature looping, inane, impossible to shut off Walmart-friendly music that highlights all the best boy bands Walmart has to offer.

Re:I dunno...

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, this is a hopster [urbandictionary.com].

Re:Uh oh

[carpe_noctem]

On one website, you can find underage booty to take home with you.... on the other, you can find low, low prices!

hrms, tough decision....

Re:Uh oh

[Ethan Allison]

Walmart Hub 2.0: underage booty at low, low prices! ...Why does this sound like a profitable business model enough to scare me?

Re:Uh oh

[Anonymous Coward]

Not to mention, I am sure a social network like myspace, whose sole purpose is to serve as a social network, is much better at performing that function than, say, Walmart is. Walmart sells me toothpaste at a discount, it doesn't connect me to my friends.

True, but just because they're known for something else doesn't mean they can't throw money at the problem and come up with a good solution.

Re:Uh oh

[aichpvee]

Our site requires Flash 8 in order to present you with the highest level of interactivity available.
Please click here to visit the Macromedia site and download the free Flash player for your Web browser,
then return to our site to experience our site at its best.

It's so great running Linux. I couldn't view that crap even if I wanted to. Now if only all the other garbage on the web would take this precaution to protect me from seeing their sites...

Re:Grammar Nazi...

[Ohreally_factor]

Hey Flynns, I'm sending you an email invite for the hub at walmart. I am recommending that we use underages, and use a different email addy for your parents. I don't know about you, but I can still get in trouble with my dad for doing immature stuff, even though I'm forty.

omg ponies!

[Ohreally_factor]

Baloo, I'm sending you a walmart friend invite. Keep in mind that we're should all register underage. Use a real secondary email address to be your "parent's address. Etc.

Re:Dear Jeebus

[cascadingstylesheet]

>They'll hang out all day in chat rooms monitored by a giant
>smiley face that threatens to "Roll back trolls"!

OK, now that *would* actually rock ...

Oooh new playground

[NevarMore]

Well, I've been out of the country and away from my friends for a few months.

I can't go egging houses, but tonight, yeeeess tonight we see what we can get past the censors at WalMart.

Will post updates here.

I should probably shave first.

Front page video

[LS]

I counted the number of times the girls said "cute" and "like" in that front page video. Here's the rough numbers:

cute: 11111111
like: 111111111111

Re:Front page video

[Mr2001]

Nice work! I lost count after 11,111,108. :(

missing buzzword in title

[SethJohnson]

Emulate myspace?!?!? Slashdot is really missing a story-click headline opportunity here. Walmart is launching a mySpace-KILLER!

Seth

MySpace for Adults

[Nurgled]

I'm not a big MySpace user, but a lot of my (adult) friends use it quite a lot for the "Music" section. By being attached to a big media company they've managed to get an official presence for almost every major label and band on that site, and they also allow unsigned/smaller bands to register themselves. My friends trawl around the music section looking for new bands, and the group of my friends that are in a band of their own use it to promote said band to fans of similar bands.

The pure social networking bit is mostly for the kids, but the music section seems to attract young adults a lot more.

Re:Dear Jeebus

[BenjyD]

American supermarkets are disturbing places that make us Europeans feel like they've wandered into a world of giants. Tubs of ice cream the size of bathtubs, slabs of cheese bigger than my fridge.

it, like, takes a lot of time

[CagedBear]

From the Article: The Columbus teen doubts she'll submit a video or enter the contests because "it, like, takes a lot of time, and it's not very likely you'll win."

That's the smartest thing I've heard in a while. Take out the slang "like" and this 14 year old girl analyzed, prioritized and made an executive-level decision.

Re:Oooh new playground

[multipartmixed]

> I should probably shave first.

They said no nudity.

Re:Grammar Nazi...

[Sax Maniac]

I don't know what's worse, the fact they spelled it wrong, or that the original title is spelled correctly. They cut and pasted the title, yet still managed to insert a new spelling error anyway!

Re:Uh oh

[The-Bus]

You've broken the last veil that allows you to look into the vast veil of the Corporate Illuminati and see the truth: All companies are the same company. Expect to be black-bagged within the next hour.

That, or Wal-Mart's charming mascot is going to be cutting gas prices.

Re:Uh oh

[elrous0]

Expect to see a lot of mysteriously well-organized "OMG, SUV's are *so* cool!!!" and "OMG, I think the oil companies get *SUCH* a bad rap" posts on that site.

-Eric

Re:Uh oh

[revery]

From what I hear, they all shop at Target, or "Tär-zhAy"

Who told you about the secret, hilarious name that I CAME UP WITH for my favorite (pronounced "fave-o-right") store?!?! Do you people have my room bugged or something? I swear, ever since Stupert Murdoch (another little gem of mine, and no you can't use it) bought MySpace, everytime I think of something funny, like a week later, I see it on TV, and I'm getting sick of it. So back off, ok? Yesterday I came up with a hilarious pun on Hillary Duff's name and if I find out someone has been eavesdropping, I am gonna be ticked...

Re:Just wait for Hub 2.0...

[Atzanteol]

I represent that my Entry is my original creation and hereby grant to Sponsor the copyright and all other rights now known or hereafter existing to use my Entry throughout the universe

Wow. I don't read a lot of these, but is that 'normal' or is Walmart a little optimistic about furture growth?