Millions of King Crabs Turn Sea to Desert 175
Reporter writes "Russian biologist, Yuri Illarionovich Orlov, succeeded where Stalin failed by implanting the red king crabs into the Barents Sea. Except now, 40 years later, he's getting worried. Why? The giant crabs are clawing their way along the bottom of the Barents Sea are spreading like wildfire along the northern coasts of Russia and Norway and will continue to spread as far as Gibraltar, the southern tip of the European continent. How come? One female crab can lay 500,000 eggs at a time, of which one or two percent will become crabs. The kicker is that the species is protected by diplomatic accords between Norway and Russia, so fishing quotas are in place.
From the article: "The Kamchatka crab, also known as the Alaskan or red king crab, was introduced into the Barents by the Soviets in the 1960s — some 30 years after a first, failed attempt by Stalin — in a bid to bolster Russia's food supplies. ... The crabs weigh up to 12 kilograms (26 pounds) and measure up to two meters (6.5 feet) from pincher to pincher. While they remain far from Europe's tourist beaches for the time being, their impact on the environment is already a major cause for concern in the Arctic"."
I have the solution! (Score:5, Funny)
A good way to lose weight (Score:5, Funny)
Just Like My Ex-Girlfriend (Score:5, Funny)
Crab problem? (Score:4, Funny)
Lord of war (Score:5, Funny)
Yuri Orlov is the guy from Lord Of War [imdb.com]
-- Sig: What sig? Oh, you mean this one? Nah...
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:3, Funny)
Obligatory (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:4, Funny)
Nah, they just need a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on crab meat.
Re:ok... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:ok... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:3, Funny)
Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love (Score:2, Funny)
Well, someone had to say it!
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:2, Funny)
No wait. For that to work, I think it would have to happen in the Japanese Sea...
HUGE! (Score:5, Funny)
-and this increases every time the story is told.
Error in the original post (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Crabs == oil (Score:4, Funny)
At my local grocer, I can buy a pound of king crab when it's on sale for around $20. I figure a 55 gallon barrel of these guys would weigh close to 500 pounds. Barrel of Sweet Light Crude goes for about $70. Barrel of Sweet Light Crab goes for $10,000. Hmmm... Is there some secret crab cartel, the Alaskan subsidiary of DeBeers, or maybe the Illuminati, arti-fish-ally controlling the market of my favorite crustacean?
It's Iron Chef time (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I have the solution! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:5, Funny)
500,000 eggs at a time (Score:3, Funny)
So what do the other 98% of the eggs become, if not crabs?
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:5, Funny)
Jesus. We want to wipe out the crabs, not the Russians and Norwegians.
Re:I have the solution! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:500,000 eggs at a time (Score:2, Funny)
It's not often you see these two words together but 'scary omlette'.
Silly rabbit (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:5, Funny)
Skinner: Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend.
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
Re:Lower the quotas (Score:5, Funny)
Which shows the inevitable logic of environmental degredation, in which, like the old woman who swallowed a fly, every solution is a problem in its own right.
To wit:
(1) Introduce massive crabs to artic as food source.
(2) Get overrun by crabs, and introduce an American food chain to, in effect, predate on them.
(3) Demand for butter soars, bringing into the market additional dairy farm capabilities (which have environmental impacts in their own right).
(4) Increase in butterfat consumption results in a raging epidemic of obesity.
(5) Obesity epidemic leads to SUVs, lowered capacity on transportation like planes
(6) Larger, lower capacity vehicles cause energy consumption to soar.
(7) Rising energy prices lead to increased exploitation of arctic energy reserves.
(8) Environmental impact from petroleum extraction finally solves the King Crab problem, but you're still left with a fat, butter scarfing populace.
Re:Crabs == oil (Score:4, Funny)
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (In drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and crab;
egg bacon and crab; egg bacon sausage and crab; crab bacon sausage
and crab; crab egg crab crab bacon and crab; crab sausage crab crab
bacon crab tomato and crab;
Vikings (starting to chant): Crab crab crab crab...
Waitress:
beans crab crab crab...
Vikings (singing): Crab! Lovely crab! Lovely crab!
Waitress:
Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with
truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and crab.
Wife: Have you got anything without crab?
Waitress: Well, there's crab egg sausage and crab, that's not got much crab in
it.
Wife: I don't want ANY crab!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon crab and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got crab in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much crab in it as crab egg sausage and crab, has it?
Vikings: Crab crab crab crab (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon crab and sausage without the crab then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like crab!
Vikings: Lovely crab! Wonderful crab!)
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely crab! Wonderful crab!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon
crab and sausage without the crab.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like crab!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your crab. I love it.
I'm having crab crab crab crab crab crab crab beaked beans crab crab
crab and crab!
Vikings (singing): Crab crab crab crab. Lovely crab! Wonderful crab!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her crab instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean crab crab crab crab crab crab... (but it is too late and
the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Crab crab crab crab. Lovely crab! Wonderful
crab! Crab craa-a-a-a-a-ab crab cra-a-a-a-a-ab crab. Lovely crab!
Lovely crab! Lovely crab! Lovely crab! Lovely crab! Crab crab
crab crab!
Re:I have the solution! (Score:5, Funny)
That's a funny joke if you forget that the only other country in the world who do commercial whaling is indeed Norway. Actually, in Norway we hunt and kill primarily animals that other countries try to preserve, such as whales, seals, wolves, bears, etc.
In related news, I expect the season on driving-in-the-middle-of-the-road-in-a-huge-ass-RV -at-20-mph German tourists to open in late August. Apparently they have to see ALL the nature we have here in order to get a decent ROI on their vacation. Taking into an account that gas costs more than fine wine here, you can't really blame them, though. And by "wine" I mean "blood wine". Made from whale blood. Or puny tourists. Kaplah!
CRABS on a PLANE !!!!! (Score:1, Funny)
CRABS on a PLANE !!!!!
CRABS on a PLANE !!!!!
my supermarket is lame :-( (Score:4, Funny)
I get hungry when I visit the zoo. Tasting is prohibited I think.
Re:Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love (Score:3, Funny)