SCO to Unix developers, We want you back

NoGuffCheck writes "CRN is reporting that Darl McBride is looking to get Unix developers back onboard with cash incentives for completing training in SCO's new mobile application kit; EdgeBuilder. It doesn't stop there; there's a 12-cylinder BMW or $100,000 dollars for the development of the best wireless application."

Ah, but there's a catch...

[Joey Patterson]

* All developers are required to pay their $699 SCO licensing fees at the door.

Let me be the first to say

[$RANDOMLUSER]

BWA HA HAHA

monkeyboy

[namekuseijin]

"developer, developers, developers..."

use the Ballmer mantra, Darl. you have to sweat like a pig to convince your audience...

Reminds me of...

[TheDarkener]

CLICK HERE and win a FREE IPOD!!!!!!!!111

For $100,000

[Anonymous Coward]

You can almost buy the company with that nowadays can't you?

UNIX Developers to SCO

[winkydink]

Bite me!

Unix developers to SCO:Suck it

[turbosk]

A pox on any and all who would sign on to duh-arl's 2-bit shakedown fart of a company.

UNIX Developers to SCO:

[tokki]

Go fuck yourself.

I think somebody should go for it

[TLouden]

...and then give most of the money to the FOSS community. In fact, why not use that community to fund itself using this bounty?

If I'm the only developer

[Alien54]

do I get all the prizes?

Quick, everyone send them the programer you hate working with most .... this should improve morale appropriately for most companies out there

20% extra for the lawyers.

[NotQuiteReal]

You need more cylinders to pull the extra dead weight

Incentives for programmers...

[GonzoTech]

Will pay $200,000 or give the car of your choice, so long as it doesn't exceed $200,000, for someone to give the CEO of SCO a good stiff kick to the nuts.

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[The Snowman]

All developers are required to pay their $699 SCO licensing fees at the door.

It isn't a licensing fee. It's the price of paying the SCO lottery! For the low low price of $699, you have a chance at one of several fabulous prizes including $100k, a luxury car, and a night of terror on Darl's private yacht complete with built-in dungeon! Fun for the whole family!

Well...

[Cleon]

You gotta give 'em credit. It looks like SCO is finally trying to produce something more substantial than subpoenas.

Maybe Darl has something...

[Target Practice]

Those darn CRN folks, always leaving parts of the quotes out. Here's a reprint, I put Darl's original comments missing from the report in '[]'.

"During the last 25 years, SCO has been committed to [destroying the reputability of] the Unix platform and continues to reaffirm its commitment [to make fools of ourselves while the rest of the world actually accomplishes something useful]," Darl McBride, SCO president, said in a teleconference Tuesday morning.

I applaud him for finally admitting what his company has been doing. Of course, he can shove his BMWs up his /dev/null.

Re:UNIX Developers to SCO:

[jbeaupre]

Uh, it's kind of creepy thinking how this might be "informative"

bmw, huh?

[vortigern00]

The winner of the bmw may notice that no matter how many times he washes it... it just won't come clean.

Disappointing...

[GillBates0]

SCO is also offering a 10-cylinder BMW car or a US$100,000 cash prize for the developers who use the toolkit to produce the best wireless applications

I was kinda hoping they'd offer SCO Linux Licenses as the top prize. On the other hand, with $100K, you can buy 143 of them, at $699.00 each!!!

Ain't gonna do it

[tommasz]

I was almost intrigued enough to head over to SCO's site just to see what "biztones" are, but then I realized I don't have all afternoon to scrub my browser clean.

Re:monkeyboy

[Anonymous Coward]

Hopefully at some point in the future we can see him squeal like a pig...it probably won't convince anybody, but it will probably be more satisfying than watching him sweat like a pig.

Re:What a waste

[malraid]

SCO should make a reality show. A reality show about a company going to the ruin. Then we could get people to call in (1-900 number of course) to decide who they are going to sue next. I'm sure it'll be a hit. In fact, I'm of to the patent office right now. That's about the only way I see them making any money.

Re:Obligatory article nitpicks...

[Kelson]

instead of ringing it goes, "Yeah, um, about those TPS reports..."?

You did get the memo, right?

Re:UNIX Developers to SCO:

[ThousandStars]

I guess I've been beaten to the headline inversion jokes:

UNIX Developers to SCO: We want you dead.

UNIX Developers to SCO: Lick our nuts.

UNIX Developers who are channeling Steve Ballmer to SCO: Go fuck yourself. (Throw chair)

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[gbulmash]

Luring a developer to code for your products: $100,000 and a BMW.
Finding out developers still hate you passionately: Priceless

- G

What kind of apps would be appropriate?

[aapold]

• Some possibilities...
• License revenue tracker
• Legal Fund Donation App (allows people to make donations and track who donated what
• Press goodwill scanner - monitors RSS feeds and gauges amount of positive and negative stories on a given subject
• Job Search / Resume submitter combined app...
  • 
    hmmm any others?

Re:Not worth it.

[Provocateur]

Well, you could pick up chicks with a car like that.

Oh, wait this is Slashdot...
 

It's all about the pitch

[Illserve]

First prize... is a 12 cylinder BMW

Second prize... is a hundred thousand dollars

Third prize... we steal your code

ABC

A Always
B Be
C Coding!

Re:MySQL is sponsoring this?! WTF?!

[saider]

It's a pity...I actually like their product. Time to give postgres a gander I suppose.

Voting with your wallet, eh?

Porting NetworkManager to SCO

[sagei]

I would like to hereby announce that I am porting my baby, NetworkManager [gnome.org], to SCO in order to reap the $100,000 offer. We will easily make "best wireless application."

Old joke

[tbone1]

Naturally SCO would pick the BMW; it's the car of candy-@ss lawyer-thieves.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

Thank you! I'm here all week! Tip your waitress! Help her back up!

Re:bmw, huh?

[kpainter]

This reminds me of an old BMW joke:

What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

On the BMW, the pricks are on the inside.

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[IAmTheDave]

"Aw, baby... look, you know I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just... sometimes I get so angry. You make me really angry sometimes. But I love you - I love you. I won't hurt you again, I PROMISE. I'm going to get help.

"Yeah, I know it's happened before, but it won't happen again - I swear! Come back home baby."

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[Anonymous Coward]

Too bad he's laid off and won't be able to afford gas for it.

Re:Ring Tones?

[Anonymous Coward]

It's actually an interesting topic, but I don't think a story full of screeching Groklaw fanboy zombies is the most productive place to discuss it.

So where do you ranting SCO shill zombies hang out?

Re:UNIX Developers to SCO:

[at_slashdot]

I would say it's "insightful" because that's exactly what SCO did to themselves.

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[alexfromspace]

Exactly. Furthermore, if you read the fine print on the other side of the second appendix to the last page of the contract, it says that SCO, in addition to owning you, will also own your wife, children, dog, truck and home, because they are all your derivatives. Although the wife has a legal option to divorce and seek custody of the children, the SCO also realises that this may be bound by any prenuptual agreements, and they reserve the right to challenge any such 'weak' and 'inconvincing' prenuptual agreement in various courts.

Elbows to the Rescue!

[bratwiz]

Yeah, but SCO doesn't need any of that stuff...

I on the other hand would propose to ram a wireless, internet-controlled ...

"seven foot asbestos filled, napalm coated broken Galiano bottle covered with sandpaper, spikes, barbs, hooks, old rusty razor blades, used syringes, electrically charged copper coils, anonymous pubic hair, and curare that's playing Amazing Grace like a barbershop quartet with feelin' and Boston Pops' orchestral accompanyment using the Vienna Boys Choir to keep time, so the bunch of line backers ramming it in and playing with the dials, buttons, keyes, joy stick, knobs, mouse and conducting baton that all adjusts the intensity, depth, rate, length and HARDNESS can push in proper rhythm while moving through a temporal loop putting it all through eternity, then back to the beginning to start again ..."

up Darrel McBride's ass, and also the respective asses of all the executive assholes at SCO-- and their lawyers-- TWICE... with FEELING

(** credits to "elbows" mailing list many CPU cycles ago...)

How can they afford to pay the $100,000?

[Captain Sarcastic]

Me, I'd worry that they'd hand you a cashier's check for $2,000,000 and ask you to send the change back to their new corporate office in Lagos.

Seinfeld - The Smelly Car

[slashflood]

It is more like the Seinfeld episode The Smelly Car [imdb.com]

"The strong body odor of a valet is left in Jerry's car. Jerry is forced to try to sell the car, because the odor has taken a life of its own and permeated everything. George is turned by Susan's new outlook on life. Susan's friend is swayed to heterosexuality by Kramer, though later turned back off by a whiff of a jacket that Kramer borrowed from Jerry. When the car can't be sold, Jerry winds up leaving it and the keys out on the street."

IIRC, it was a BMW.

Two bottles of whining.

[SlashdotTroll]

two re-hired SCO developers telnet to the SCO server after a night in the basement.

arroot: so...
SCOdev: what?
arroot: how 'bout scheduling a grep job to see if there is any SCO IP in Linux?
SCOdev: are you crazy?  what if the server is logging and the resource throttle triggers an alarm to the CEO?
arroot: but I love you so much.
SCOdev: it's too risky.
arroot: pleeeeease?

*login*

IBMdev: SEC said it's "ok" to give the AIX repository a grep job, or SEC will come down to perform a grep job, or I can do it.  But for Gates' sakes don't use /bin/wall to echo your chat to all the terminals.

Not me

[waif69]

I still have SCO on 5 1/4" disks. Now if I can only find my 5 1/4" drive...

Re:What a waste

[Kadin2048]

Sounds great. One thing though: we're going to need to fire Darl McBride and replace him with Ozzy Ozborne. And Hulk Hogan will be the CFO ... do you think we could get Paris Hilton as head of HR?

Actually, we'd better be careful; the company might not go into the ground as quickly that way.

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[badasscat]

Who else read this title and thought (In the words of the great Borat) "F*#k To You".

I just thought it must have been missing a few words:

  SCO to Unix developers: We want (to shoot) you (in the) back

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[artifex2004]

"Aw, baby... look, you know I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just... sometimes I get so angry. You make me really angry sometimes. But I love you - I love you. I won't hurt you again, I PROMISE. I'm going to get help.
"Yeah, I know it's happened before, but it won't happen again - I swear! Come back home baby."

Once again I am beaten to the punch.

Re:Prisoners dilemma

[LihTox]

taking a grand from SCO doesn't have to cost you your integrity. there's no commit to do any development is there? just go through the training. sleep through it even!

Sign a contract with a venemously litigious company like SCO and...SCO owns your ass (and any code you write might well be considered "tainted").

Maybe my mom should sign up: she's not likely to write any code SCO would want (or any code at all, for that matter), and she can sleep through most things.

Re:For $100,000

[Salsaman]

Well done for spotting the catch. They pay you in SCO shares !

I wonder?

[BCW2]

After legal fees, will SCO have enough money to buy a 4 cylinder BMW?

Re:Ah, but there's a catch...

[afaik_ianal]

Pointless comment! Mod parent redundant!

What's that smell? Ahh crap... I think it's both our karmas burning. :(