Forgot your password?
typodupeerror

Rumormongering - Apple Could Buy Nintendo? 377

Posted by Zonk
from the idle-friday-arguments dept.
An anonymous reader writes "CNET wonders if 'Apple is about to frag the gaming community with a revelation that could shake Microsoft to its core: Apple will buy Nintendo. What could be more quintessentially left-field Apple behaviour than buying out the U.S.'s number three games console manufacturer?' The article goes on to compare the companies, saying 'both have followings whose brand dedication verges on the religiously devout' and design styles that are so similar that 'the Nintendo DS Lite practically looks like Jonathan Ive built it.' The writer says an Apple and Nintendo merger will 'penetrate the mainstream consumer market with Macintosh computers'. The possible outcome of a merger would be a console based around the Mac Mini. As for whether Apple have the cash to pull it off: 'Cisco was rumoured to be looking at a purchase of Nintendo earlier in the year, so the idea of Nintendo being bought is not outlandish in itself. Apple's market cap is $51.7bn (Nintendo's is $23.1bn)'"
This discussion has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Rumormongering - Apple Could Buy Nintendo?

Comments Filter:
  • Stupid. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Whiney Mac Fanboy (963289) * <whineymacfanboy@gmail.com> on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:28AM (#15502509) Homepage Journal
    Article is speculation of the stupidist sort. Check this:

    A Nintendo purchase could potentially let Apple bring the success enjoyed by the iPod to the Macintosh computer.
    That is quite possibly the stupidest sentence I've ever read.

    I certainly hope that Apple doesn't buy nintendo (even if they could) because the reason nintendo are great is because the concentrate on games, games, games. No failed computer / pda / music player / whatever for them. They just concentrate on what they're good at.

    Any dillution of that fervour would be sad.
    • Re:Stupid. (Score:5, Funny)

      by Umbral Blot (737704) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:30AM (#15502530) Homepage
      Yes, you have to wonder: was this article secretely written by Dvorak?
    • Re:Stupid. (Score:2, Insightful)

      "The reason nintendo are [sic] great is because the concentrate on games..."

      And if Apple bought them, what would keep their Nintendo operation from continuing to do the same? Apple wouldn't be reinventing the wheel here, just buying the people who invented it first.
      • Re:Stupid. (Score:3, Insightful)

        by SatanicPuppy (611928) *
        It always seems that way on the surface....But the temptation for cross-platform work is the only reason to really drive a buyout. The burning desire to have an iTunes compatible DS-Lite, or a wireless wii/mac one button mouse that you can wave around in the air would rear it's head pretty quickly.

        They're both good companies, but I don't really see them getting together...It just wouldn't make sense unless they had some mutually envisioned killer app sitting in the wings.

        A limited deal for game development/
        • Re:Stupid. (Score:3, Interesting)

          by Alzheimers (467217)
          It just wouldn't make sense unless they had some mutually envisioned killer app sitting in the wings.

          Intendo -- using the Itunes system for buying and playing old games on the new console. It would totally "revolutionize" the online distibution and billing systems for consoles in a heartbeat. If the retro emulation's one of the main focii of the Wii, it'd be the obvious solution.

    • Re:Stupid. (Score:5, Insightful)

      by AKAImBatman (238306) * <akaimbatmanNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:41AM (#15502667) Homepage Journal
      Article is speculation of the stupidist sort.

      Agreed. My first thought was, "Who let Dvorak out of his cage?"

      While the white plastic designs of the current Nintendos and Macs may make them seem like a good match from a marketing perspective, this fellow's suggestions on technology integration show a distinct lack of understanding of the Game Console market.

      Game Consoles are very good at what they do. They play games, and they support the graphics and sound of those games. Generally speaking, they are capable of providing a gaming experience far in excess of anything a general-purpose computer could do at a similar price point. The reason for this is the use of customized graphics, sound, and CPU hardware. Engineers who look at the specs of most game consoles tend to think, "but this would perform horribly under condition XYZ, which most computers see on a regular basis!" And they would, if they were made into general purpose computers. But they're not. They are focused gaming hardware.

      Now the Mac Mini is NOT a piece of focused gaming hardware. All of its internals are all wrong. Its graphics performance would be slow, its bus bandwidth is poor, and its CPU is on a distinct bus from the GPU. Not a very good gaming machine.

      Of course, all of this discussion is academic. Nintendo won't sell, and no vector exists for a hostile takeover. So it's a virtual certainty that Nintendo will not be bought off, even if Apple wanted to purchase them.
      • Exactly. The Mac Mini is somewhere around $500, and doesn't provide much of a gaming experience. The Wii on the other hand, will probably debut at around $200-250, and offer a great game play experience.
      • And how. (Score:5, Insightful)

        by cryptochrome (303529) on Friday June 09, 2006 @12:13PM (#15502996) Journal
        I think anyone that has ever submitted a perfectly good verifiable story here only to see it rejected within minutes must be pulling their hair out when they see incredibly idle speculative obvious bullshit like this on the front page.

        And they wonder how digg grew so fast...
    • Re:Stupid. (Score:3, Insightful)

      by 0biter (915407)
      "... great is because the concentrate on games, games, games."

      Indeed. If Apple really wanted to get in on the "home digital appliance" market that MS and Sony are positioning to take over teh next 5-10 years, they would not do well by buying a self-identified "toy maker" like Nintendo. If anything, an Apple/Sony partnership would make more sense in this emerging sector since Sony has the hardware and penetration, and Apple has the software.
    • CNET's just craving traffic.

      In about a year .. when DS Lite and Wii have had a chance to penetrate the market Nintendo may buy Apple ... at least CNET will tell us so.
      • Re:Stupid. (Score:5, Informative)

        by badasscat (563442) <basscadet75.yahoo@com> on Friday June 09, 2006 @12:10PM (#15502960)
        In about a year .. when DS Lite and Wii have had a chance to penetrate the market Nintendo may buy Apple ... at least CNET will tell us so.

        That would honestly make more sense. Have we all (or at least C-Net) forgotten this [forbes.com]?

        Nintendo is for all intents and purposes a privately owned company. If Yamauchi says they're not for sale, they're not for sale. (Yamauchi stepped down only as CEO - he is still majority shareholder.) And we all know him - he's not about to sell out the company for a merger that doesn't help Nintendo in the least.

        A hostile takeover of Apple by Nintendo, though, is unlikely but theoretically possible.
    • I certainly hope that Apple doesn't buy nintendo (even if they could) because the reason nintendo are great is because the concentrate on games, games, games
      ...and CCG cards, poker chips, go sets, love-testers, theme parks, anime, mahjong sets, playing cards, museums, toys, the Mariners, portioned instant rice, hanafuda cards, and occasional the love hotel and taxi service. I guess a lot are "game-related" in some manner though, but I'm pretty sure you meant "videogames"...
    • Apple in recent years has gone toward simple and stylish. Those are both things that modern games and game systems are not.

      Even Nintendo, with their hopes of "casual gaming" has managed to make a "nunchuck" controler that looks like its from a sci-fi movie. Games are about buttons and levels and power-up and complexity on the complicated side, and on the friendlier side they're still complicated enough to need two screens on a handheld and a virtual weapon of a controller on the console.

      Apple chose to lic
    • > They just concentrate on what they're good at.

      Also, Japanese companies don't want to be bought by Americans. I think they would put up a fight; I don't see the leaders "selling out to the West" like the Chinese do. I also don't see what Nintendo would gain from selling out to Apple... Nintendo is doing just fine right now.
    • Re:Stupid. (Score:4, Informative)

      by nanojath (265940) on Friday June 09, 2006 @12:32PM (#15503145) Homepage Journal
      I certainly hope that Apple doesn't buy nintendo (even if they could )

      Yeah, there's a real question. Apple's apparently worth around 72 billion [macdailynews.com], Nintendo I had a bit harder time finding a figure (and wildly disparate "guesses" online - from 6 to 30 billion). I use the data in this [gamespot.com] article to guesstimate around 14 billion. Notable from that article is that as of a year ago Nintendo was the opposite of courting takeover. Suffice to say, Apple could probably afford it. It would not be a trivial expenditure. Nintendo would likely resist it. Whether Apple could actually manage a hostile takeover is questionable. It sounds like blue sky bunkum to me. (But guaranteed to generate just this sort of chatter, hmm...)

  • Nintendo selling? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Durinthal (791855) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:30AM (#15502532)
    so the idea of Nintendo being bought is not outlandish in itself

    Yeah it is. You think that a Japanese company with that much tradition would sell out at all, much less to an American company?
    • umm...would Nintendo have a choice? It's a public company, isn't it? If Apple offered a good enough price, I assume the stockholders would sell.
      • If Apple offered a good enough price, I assume the stockholders would sell.

        I'm pretty sure you assume wrong.

        From 2001:

        "Reuters is reporting, "Nintendo Co Ltd said on Friday it was considering executing a planned buyback of up to 14 million of its own shares, or about 10 percent of its total outstanding stock, after October 1." The move will help to prop up Nintendo shares. The buyback also serves as a defensive measure to prevent another company from launching a hostile takeover."

        And 2005 (here [gamespot.com]):

        TOKYO--Nint

    • Yeah...living within spitting distance of Kyoto (I'm in Osaka), and having developed a certain image of Kyoto conservatism, I just can't picture it. Of course, my wife, who is Japanese and has lived her all her life, was very quick to say, "Oh, yeah, they'd do it." So there you go. :)
  • Wha? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by MachineShedFred (621896) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:31AM (#15502539) Journal
    Apple's successes lean heavily on not straying too far from their core market competencies - useable devices that people want.

    Gaming has *never* been one of Apple's core competencies, and Apple has a knack for changing things around when they buy something.

    The only way that a merger with Nintendo would work, is if they leave Nintendo the hell alone - and that won't happen.
    • by garcia (6573)
      Apple's successes lean heavily on not straying too far from their core market competencies - useable devices that people want.

      I've never been a Nintendo fan (especially in recent years -- their games just aren't my cup of tea) but I do own a used N64 for FZeroX (only game I have). From what I have read here, and elsewhere, the latest generation of Nintendo's offerings are innovative, inexpensive, and "what consumers want".

      I don't typically buy into the rumors that float around but your reasoning why we sho
    • Re:Wha? (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Whiney Mac Fanboy (963289) * <whineymacfanboy@gmail.com> on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:41AM (#15502672) Homepage Journal
      Apple's successes lean heavily on not straying too far from their core market competencies - useable devices that people want.

      Nonsense - in 2000, I would have said:

      Apple's successes lean heavily on not straying too far from their core market competencies - PCs.

      But I would have been wrong, because inspite of the failure of the pippin & newton, Apple's wildest success was going out & making a music player - completely outside their core market.

      Difference between that & buying nintendo however, is that:

      1) Apple did that on their own.
      2) They expanded into a new, emerging market (like the newton should have).

      Apple should continue to look to new markets, rather then try to get in to an already overcrowded market using a brute-force approach (like one of their O/S competitors).
    • But a Wiipod would be *so* usable. You could just twirl your Wiipod clockwise to go to the next track and counter to go back again. As you are jogging the volume would go up and down slightly since up/down motions would naturally be for volume control; this would add a nice 'organic' effect to the music. You could even get two, attach one to each foot, and play DDR without a mat.

      Never since the day that cholocate fell into penut butter has there been such a great convergence!!! This is a gold mine, I'm
    • Gaming has *never* been one of Apple's core competencies

      Dude... Oregon Trail!!!!!
  • Huh? (Score:5, Funny)

    by MuckSavage (658302) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:31AM (#15502547)
    Wait, wasn't sony buying apple? No wait. Disney was buying apple. No, crap. Pixar is buying disney. No that's not it. Microsoft bought apple back in '95! No, that's not right.

    I'm so confused.
  • by creimer (824291) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:32AM (#15502548) Homepage
    I like both Apple and Nintendo. But I'm not sure if I could get used to an Apple logo on a GameCube or Wii, or my game console color limited to black or white. Of course, if it would help Apple get more game titles for the Mac, that would be a good thing.
  • by xshader (201678) <jaecob@@@gmail...com> on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:32AM (#15502551) Homepage
    i wish you could mod articles down... but you cant... so these kinds of stupid articles reach the front page of slashdot. i am getting more and more tired of stuipd articles showing up on the front page... anyone else agree?
  • Don't bother (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Midnight Thunder (17205) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:33AM (#15502560) Homepage Journal
    Apple and Nintendo are both good at what they do. Apple buying Nintendo is likely to dilute one of the two companies, without making either better. The other issue, is while they are both successful at what they do they have very different work cultures. I'd rather things be left as they are in this case.
  • They wouldn't have enough after the Wii is released. Nintendo would never sell right now, they would be foolish to. Here they are on the verge of possibly breaking out of that #3 spot into #2, or even #1. This article is completely speculative, and ignorant. If the Nintendo Wii does as well as we all think it will (and most of us are gamers), then maybe Nintendo would be the one with enough money to buy Mac!

    Ok, that was a bit of an exageration, but since we all seem to be saying outlandish things...
  • Do what now? (Score:5, Informative)

    by Rob T Firefly (844560) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:34AM (#15502575) Homepage Journal
    Is stuff like this news? If so, I could go blog about how Disney could buy McDonalds, or how Toyota plans on purchasing Vivid Video.

    Even if this were a serious issue, which it isn't, I somehow don't see Japan's pride and joy Nintendo selling to an American company for anything, even if it is Apple.
  • by WedgeTalon (823522) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:34AM (#15502590)
    This is one of the silliest things I've read all week.

    Yes, the very profitable Nintendo is going to sell themselves to the maker of the Pippin [wikipedia.org]. That would be a brilliant move!
    • Yes, the very profitable Nintendo is going to sell themselves to the maker of the Pippin [wikipedia.org]. That would be a brilliant move!

      More like, the very profitable Apple would never agree to acquire the maker of the Virtual Boy. [wikipedia.org] (While we are dragging out ancient history of course.)

  • whatever (Score:5, Funny)

    by aleksiel (678251) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:35AM (#15502593)
    apple could buy /., too, for its new sleek, stylish look
  • by ettlz (639203) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:36AM (#15502608) Journal
    Join players like Dvorak and so forth in predicting: What will Apple Computers buy/do next? No qualifications are needed. In fact, they're recommended against! So, what will your speculation be? Is Apple going to...
    • buy Nintendo?
    • buy a fertilizer factory in Peru?
    • go into the soft drinks business?
    • open an on-line strip-joint and call it iBoobs?
    • start shipping marvellously good-looking military hardware?
    It's all open for speculation — 'cause in this game, there are no rules, and nobody really gives a fuck anyway!
    • by flooey (695860) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:41AM (#15502670)
      Don't spread it around, but I've got $100 at 300-1 on Apple getting into the produce business. It'd be genius!
    • All your speculations are wrong. Everyone knows that Apple will be buying off Starbuck's automobile division [slashdot.org].
    • Is Apple going to...

      * buy Nintendo?
      * buy a fertilizer factory in Peru?
      * go into the soft drinks business?
      * open an on-line strip-joint and call it iBoobs?
      * start shipping marvellously good-looking military hardware?


      All of the above! Here would be Apple's long term fun plan: 1. Make a "next-generation" game console called i-Game that'll be the name of the system aft
      • All of the above! Here would be Apple's long term fun plan: 1. Make a "next-generation" game console called i-Game that'll be the name of the system after Wii. The soft drink will be iJuice. The Fertilizer Factory in Peru will be used building explosives for their military hardware. Apple's Military toys will be iGrunt, iExplode, and iKill. The Online Strip Joint will be cover for their covert ops plan to steal industrial design ideas from Unlikely Sources, Inc, and it'll be code named iSpy.

        Damn, one of us

    • by Anonymous Coward
      ..annoyance of the /. UI; not only is the text a headache-inducing shade of Sans Serif (many complaints already on that score), but also there appears to be an overlooked consequence of styling the LI & UL entities - people using them normally in comments and them looking absolutely shite. The grey corner lines make no design sense whatsoever looking at them as they are in this post. I'm (mildly) sorry to be posting OT as A/C.
    • by Criffer (842645) on Friday June 09, 2006 @12:08PM (#15502939)
      I'd go with the "marvellously good-looking military hardware". I can't wait to get my hands on one of their iSurfaceToAirMissile (or iSam). Looks just like an iPod, can take out a stealth bomber and has a 50GB hard drive!
  • Wouldn't this seriously confuse all of the Mac zealots that came out recently to support the "Apple are too good for gaming" article? Perhaps the groupthink would take over, it never happened, doubleplusungood.
  • by flooey (695860) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:37AM (#15502616)
    From TFA:

    Between howling at the moon, these looneys point to...

    But somewhere in the looney's mind, is there a scintilla of logic? A tiny fragment of truth spluttering for breath in the soup of madness?

    The newsgroups are constantly awash with the dregs of idle wondering,...

    Even the writer doesn't appear to have any confidence in the idea.
  • by martinbogo (468553) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:37AM (#15502618) Homepage Journal
    What is -with- all these merger suggestions? "Company X should by company Y!" It smells to high heaven of stock manipulation by the article writers. I bet, with disclosure, that each time one of these articles is published, that the author has some sort of vested financial interest in one or both of the companies.

  • Noooo! (Score:3, Insightful)

    by sammy baby (14909) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:38AM (#15502625) Journal
    Please, no! After the incredible sticker shock of the XBox 360, followed by the news that the PS3 wasn't going to be any better, I was poised to snag the Wii just to stick it in the eye of the other console manufacturers. "See? Half the cost of your previous systems! Nyah!"

    If Apple were to by Nintendo, the Wii will double in price overnight, and likely catch fire if left on a carpet. Woe betide me!

    (Joking. Mostly.)
  • by Anonymous Coward
    I've had the displeasure of having dealt with Apple on games since the System 6 days.

    Microsoft -> Security
    Linux -> User Interface
    Apple -> Games

    I've seen other game developers run screaming from meetings with Apple game people. Apple can't even handle getting a decent OpenGL driver for their systems. I could go on all day describing what a nightmare it is to work with Apple on game development.

    The only rational there can be for Apple buying Nintendo would be from some sort of desire to drive Nintend
  • by barawn (25691) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:39AM (#15502643) Homepage
    This sounds familiar.

    What is it people in the tech industry don't understand about Nintendo?

    Nintendo is a 117 year old company. The analogy I used last time when someone mentioned Microsoft is still apt - this is the equivalent of a 15 year old kid coming over and saying "here's $500, can I buy your house?"

    For 113 years of its life, Nintendo was a family owned business. It only passed the reigns on to someone not in the Yamauchi family when Hiroshi Yamauchi named Satoru Iwata his successor, and it's not like the Yamauchi family just up and sold all of their shares.

    You can't buy a company if they're not willing to sell the shares.
  • No, I don't think Apple will be giving out any Mario mustache rides anytime soon.
  • I'm waiting for the Apple-Nintendo-DHL merger so I can focus all my fanboyism at one entity.
  • i can certainly see how these companies could compliment one another.. and the almost mindless devotion of their fanbase is certainly a strength of both. These are businesses that have tried to stay to their roots, sometimes to a fault (Gamecube online games? Mac OS X on Apple hardware only?).

    one of apple's biggest weaknesses to the mainstream user today, as i see it, is its perceived lack of games. i posted about this on Digg a few weeks ago, that perhaps Apple is working on first party games in orde

  • AppleNintendo is proud to announce the following new products:

    iWii Pro EXTREME
    MacDS
    MacGameBoy
    marioTunes
    Super Smash Garageband
    The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Ives
    Metroid Nano
    Bonjour Pokemon
    NintenPods

  • by cpu_fusion (705735) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:44AM (#15502696)
    I'd expect Apple to buy Sun first. Sun would be less expensive to buy, and would come with some crown jewels (Java, Solaris, Workstations) that would fit in nicely with Apple's platform and OS strategy.

    Buying Nintendo wouldn't make any sense, as Apple has indicated litle desire to get involved in the games market.
  • by supabeast! (84658) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:45AM (#15502711)
    I want to work for CNET or some similar company as a hypothetical business analyst. I want to get paid to show up for work stoned, sit down, and write random stories about how big companies could hypothetically buy each other, or release new product lines, or exit entire markets, based on nothing more than my being to stoned to write something worthwhile. Then I'll want my boss to try and pass my garbage writing off as news, and later complain when the old media, politicians, and the general public refuse to take online journalism seriously.

    I can't believe that they actually pay people to write that shit. What's worth, I can't believe how many bloggers and link aggregators keep linking to them.
  • by metoc (224422) on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:48AM (#15502744)
    Rumours are fun.

    Remember that Steve Jobs is a majority shareholder in Disney. This means access to content!! Remember that Apple is a 'serious computer company' and is not interested in games. Buying Nintendo would allow it to access to a less serious market without diluting the Apple brand. Lets not forget the iPod & ITMS. Imagine being able to connect your iPod to your Wii console, or playing videos (and photo slideshows) on your Wii. Best wait until WWDC and see if a PVR capability becomes available on Macs.

    Personally Apple should buy Sun (or vis-versa). Sun has a lot to offer, but needs someone like Jobs to give it a will to live and produce some interesting products with all that technology they have.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 09, 2006 @11:50AM (#15502759)
    will be called Nipple
  • If CNET can fabricate wacky speculative rumors, so I can I!
    Muwahahahaha!
  • Listen, I don't want to say too much, but Apple may be buying DaimlerChrysler [daimlerchrysler.com].

    Sounds crazy - crazy enough to be true! Also it makes perfect sense. DaimlerChrysler has been bleeding money for a while, mainly because of its stodgy management. Apple understands that a charismatic, forward-thinking leader is just the shot in the arm the company needs to become profitable again. And it also makes perfect sense from Apple's point of view - they're primarily a hardware company, after all.
  • I don't think many realise how much money Nintendo has and makes.
    I remember when MS wanted to get into the console market they looked at Nintendo and found they couldn't afford them.
    What chance does Apple have?
    It would probably be easier for Nintendo to buy Apple.
  • But there are certain interesting synergies.....

    Future game consoles are targeting HDTV, not regular TV. This means TVs that you can use as a monitor.

    Mac Minis make nice DVD/DiVX/whatever else consoles. (Front Row, etc . .)

    Now, imagine a Nintendo System that utilized OS X, played all the next-gen Nintendo games, had a built-in wifi connection/hard drive, and could run OS X applicaions. IMHO, these would be great selling points, and this is the direction that Sony and Microsoft's multimedia center efforts ar
  • Number 3? (Score:3, Informative)

    by ivan256 (17499) * on Friday June 09, 2006 @12:07PM (#15502925)
    Excuse me? The DS alone is outselling the 360, and it's on the verge of passing the original Xbox in all time sales. That's just *one* of Nintendo's three consoles on the market right now. In the PS2/Xbox/Gamecube realm they came in third in the US, but pick another stat, any other stat, and they're either #2, or #1. Total console sales? #2, but damned close to #1. Profit (even if you leave out the handhelds)? #2. Not only is Microsoft number three, but they are a distant number three. We're talking astronomical distance.

    Was this article written to start flame wars or something?
  • If this does come to pass, will Nintendo cereal be replaced by Apple Jacks?

    for those who don't remember [wikipedia.org]
  • Short Answer: No!

    Long Answer: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
  • by tourvil (103765) on Friday June 09, 2006 @12:25PM (#15503098)
    Hmm, Nintendo's releasing a new console this year.

    Oh look, it's all white and shiny.

    Hey, Apple makes white and shiny things...

    OMG! Apple is going to buy out Nintendo! *hurries off to write an article*
  • by ewg (158266) on Friday June 09, 2006 @01:40PM (#15503772)
    I've been wondering what some of these mystery packages are for.
    • /System/Library/Extensions/Wiimote.kext
    • /System/Library/Frameworks/GBAKit.framework
    • /System/Library/CoreServices/Encodings/libSpacePir ateConverter.dylib
    • /Developer/Applications/Utilities/RacoonSuit.app
    Not to mention this /Users/mario directory I can't seem to read...

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys!" -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Working...