MPAA training Dogs to Sniff Out DVDs

LandownEyes writes "The dogs, Lucky and Flo, faced their first test at the FedEx UK hub at Stansted Airport. "FedEx was glad to assist in Lucky and Flo's first live test in a working situation. They were amazingly successful at identifying packages containing DVDs, which were opened and checked by HM Customs' representatives. While all were legitimate shipments on the day, our message to anyone thinking about shipping counterfeit DVDs through the FedEx network is simple: you're going to get caught." Kinda makes me thing twice about shipping anything through FedEX. Seriously, this is like training drug dogs to find plastic bags."

This is a TheOnion article, right?

[Anonymous Coward]

I hope so.

Damn!

[Anonymous Coward]

There goes my plan to smuggle drugs by DVD.

In other news

[ArTiCwInD]

"Dogs have been trained to sniff out potential downloaders from airport custom queues, more news at 11"

Re:FUD?

[TheGavster]

Just to be safe, I think I'll be slipping a blank DVD with something mean written on it with all future packages ...

sniffs pirate DVDs only

[kbob88]

Apparently it's easy for the dogs to sniff out *only* the pirate DVDs because those are the ones that haven't washed in months and smell like salt-tack and grog.

Unfortunately they haven't figured out how to train the dogs to avoid catching their noses on the hooks when they open the package...

So...

[grasshoppa]

Who else suddenly has an urge to go buy a spindle of DVDs and slip a blank ( convienently labeled, "MI-III" ) with everything they ship?

Seriously, if you do a cost analysis, you'll find that the 10-20 bucks wasted on the spindle buys you the option to ship a real backup copy in the future.

And speaking of backups, isn't it still fair use to make backups?

Re:Privacy?

[ImaNihilist]

No, no, no. The dogs are only trained to smell burned DVDs that contain pirated movies. It's not that unreasonable. I can definitely smell the difference between my copy of LOTR and my original. The copy just doesn't smell as good.

During the this exercise...

[Anonymous Coward]

Drugs, high-explosives, weapons, decaptitated heads, those bowling ball type bombs with the wicks sticking out, a map of Afghanistan with Osama's hidden location clearly marked with an X, Sadamm's WMD and a 1.44 floppy with future plans on blowing up the Capital Building all went through undetected.

Sniffing region codes

[Charles Dodgeson]

Now when they train the dogs to sniff things out based on region code, that will be news.

Dogs sniffing bits and bytes

[rollingcalf]

The dogs have been specially trained by Scotland Yard to be able to not only sniff for the existence of DVDs in a package, but to sniff the bits and bytes embedded on the DVD. The 0s have a different smell from the 1s, so the dogs have been trained to interpret the bit patterns to know whether the DVD is pirated or legitimate.

Still, the dogs have trouble in determining the legitimacy of 10% of the DVDs. For those where the dogs have doubt, the Customs agents have been instructed by the MPAA to classify them as pirated copies. It will then be up to the sender to show up in court to prove it was not pirated.

Re:Privacy?

[the GeeT]

I've got a shipment of 10,000 vacation videos coming in on FedEx. :)

Nerds Gone Wild...on shelves soon.

Re:Privacy?

[Anonymous Coward]

Of course if they WERE to play the dvd to confirm it wasn't the movie the label might suggest it contained, then certainly that would be a public performance, which only the copyright owner has the ability to authorise! woot - statutory damages here we come!

Re:Wrong idea!

[mikael]

Reminds me of that April Fools announcement "The film and music associations announced today they are going to merge. The new organisations will be known as the Music And Film Industry Association".

Re:OMG! Poniez!!!!1

[Entropy]

Right. So I did as you suggested. And I don't know whats weirder. That my DVD spindle _does_ have a scent. Or that it struck me as smelling like celery ..

Re:FUD?

[I(rispee_I(reme]

That's why the MPAA actually ran the tests at UPS ;)

Re:Dogs sniffing data?

[ak-74]

In that case, my friend, they send you to a concentration camp in redmond where you debug the NT kernel 8 days of the week or they cut off your genitals.

Re:OMG! Poniez!!!!1

[jrmiller84]

Yeah, they smell like waffles. Someone please back me up on this...

Re:Spooky... er... Spot

[Babbster]

If it goes through Customs, they can open & inspect it.

And, in a seldom-utilized provision of international law, they can then urinate on it.

Re: Blank? Why not 9.4GB of /dev/urandom? :)

[Anonymous Coward]

> slip a blank ( convienently labeled, "MI-III" ) with everything they ship

Instead of sending a blank, why not just burn 9.4GB of /dev/urandom onto the disk. They'll probably end up spending over $10,000 per package by calling in the MPAA, the RIAA, the NSA, the CIA, and the DHS. After a few dozen false alarms, maybe they'll learn to stop invading customer privacy.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Dogs sniffing bits and bytes

[Babbster]

The 0s have a different smell from the 1s, so the dogs have been trained to interpret the bit patterns to know whether the DVD is pirated or legitimate.

Actually, I heard that there is a cable coming out of the dog's rectum which is connected to a small monitor, allowing officials to actually watch the pirated content the dog is smelling.

In other news, portable DVD players made in Korea can actually be powered by Kibbles'n'Bits...

Re:Insanity

[geobeck]

There's no way for these dogs to differentiate between legitimate and copied DVD's, and illegal DVD copies and legal DVD copies.

Well, they could probably sniff out pr0n because of--

The rest of this comment has been removed at the request of the TMI police.

I'm glad I'm not British...

[mangu]

FTFA: packages containing DVDs, which were opened and checked by HM Customs' representatives

If I were paying Her Majesty's taxes I would be really pissed off if my public servants were wasting their time in the service of the MPAA...

Quick someone send a few hundred....

[3seas]

...ubuntu live cds thru fedex.

Either they will claim it's piracy or better, use them to replace their windows systems.

This only proves that distribution doesn't cost so much after all.

Re:It gets held up in customs

[Firehed]

Or even moreso if it's a homemade video of a certain "business" that you'd rather not show to the entire terminal.

Re:Insanity

[Marsmensch]

There's no way for these dogs to differentiate between legitimate and copied DVD's, and illegal DVD copies and legal DVD copies.

Yes there is. If a dog finds a DVD (s)he watches it and checks the label to see if it's an original, before writing a report on the findings, and, if necessary, testifying in court.

Re:OMG! Poniez!!!!1

[Maxo-Texas]

aye... everything has a scent except iocane poison.

I'd stake my life on it.

Re:Now I can sleep better at night

[MobileTatsu-NJG]

"You know, to some degree, I do agree with you but I was being literal with the name of the organization, which is "Federation Against Copyright Theft"."

Reminds me of a comment somebody made here a few years ago:

"I downloaded an MP3 once, and Metallica was no longer able to perform that song!"

Re:sniffs pirate DVDs only

[Darth_Burrito]

Actually, I heard the dogs were only able to detect movies such as Hulk [imdb.com] and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen [imdb.com] as these had particularly strong odors. Indeed, I would not be surprised to discover if many of the movies released today have been specifically engineered for this attribute just to make it easier for dogs to detect them.

Re:Dogs sniffing data?

[modecx]

Or better yet, the DVD installs the Sony rootkit! If that's not poetic justice, nothing is!

Re:Privacy?

[failedlogic]

I've got 50,000 pirate copies to sell of your vacation video already. Not sending by FedEx.... suggestions anyone?

Re:or....

[Anonymous Coward]

Is that not the default Windows configuration?

Re:OMG! Poniez!!!!1

[Inigo Montoya]

It's true.. I have experience with this iocane poison...

Re:This is a TheOnion article, right?

[Anonymous Coward]

I wonder what else they're looking for. Should I expect to be arrested if they accidentally discover my order of the German CD "lesbian chestpoopers #37?"

Re:New product oppurtunity ;)

[pintomp3]

you got rid of the dogs, but what about all the bums licking your floor?

Re:Dogs sniffing data?

[utlemming]

Make sure that you and your clients put the words "CONTAINS CONFIDENTAL TRADE SECRETS," on both the DVD/CD and the box. Then put a seal on the case that would indicate tampering. If they tamper with it you can argue that they violated your trade secrets, which are protected by law, and then haul them into court.

Another tactic would be putting "UNRELEASED COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL," or for a combination, put both.

If you have illegal material, then it is your problem. But if the material actually contains legitimate material then you could have some serious fun in the courts.

Re:FUD?

[utlemming]

No, for some real fun, ship a DVD to the mother of Dan Glickman...from Dan Glickman.

Dan is the MPAA CEO.

Re:This is a TheOnion article, right?

[Anonymous Coward]

...my order of the German CD "lesbian chestpoopers #37

link plz

Re:OMG! Poniez!!!!1

[Reverend528]

Well, fortunately, the MPAA can't actually train the dogs to recognise the scent of pirated DVDs without first posessing pirated DVDs. And if they had any pirated DVDs, they'd have to sue themselves for six billion dollars. Logically, these dogs can only recognise legitimate DVDs, so the MPAA just has to search every parcel that the dogs don't identify.

Re:See you in Singsing, errr I mean Sony Prison.

[Anonymous Coward]

Since prisons have been privatized in the US you could even be sent to Sony Prison.

If it works as well as most of my Sony products, I'll be getting back out soon!

Finally, we have an answer to the question.

[Anonymous Coward]

The MPAA let the dogs out.

Now for the good of all humanity, please NEVER play that "song" again.

Re:This is a TheOnion article, right?

[Lord Kano]

Should I expect to be arrested if they accidentally discover my order of the German CD "lesbian chestpoopers #37?"

Everthing went downhill after #35, I don't even think they use real poop in #37.

LK

Re:By what authority?

[24-bit Voxel]

I own a private company. I have employees sign agreements that state what is acceptable behavior at the office. They have NO RIGHTS beyond what is on that paper. I can bug their cell phones and search their personal belongings for any reason or no reason. The paper said nothing about my right to capture them into my secret underground private company lair to tie them up and torture them while they press plastic bags for 2.5 cents per 1000.

I can violate all their Constitutional rights because thay are not enumerated on that paper they signed. All they can do about it is work somewhere else.

dumb economics to fedex anyway

[steve_l]

Why would you fedex pirate dvds? its a premium service and now you know they even sniff your luggage. Go use the mainstream postal service instead.

This new program will help defend small homegrown uk and eu DVD printing presses from the competition of those evil third-world pirates who dont treat their employees with the same respect or salaries.

There could be a use for this

[sjonke]

Dogs like to sniff dog butts. Perhaps, then, they can detect all the crappy movies the MPAA is making and put them into the "lost pile", along with my luggage.

Re:This is a TheOnion article, right?

[Phreakiture]

I should send a box of loose blank DVD's with 'Screw you MPAA' written on them for their next photo-op on finding dvd's.

I have a better suggestion. Label them with the names of various movies. That way, when they are determined in court to be blanks, you will have made royal asses out of them.