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Google's DNA 171

Posted by Zonk
from the bioengineered-for-the-win dept.
bart_scriv writes "Businessweek confronts Google naysayers with an analysis of the company's business structure, arguing that its unique structure lends it the flexibility to adapt to any and all markets: 'Google is actually the first company with a brand that is built entirely on stem cells: able to grow and develop into whatever form it sees fit.' The article predicts significant changes for the company in communications, hardware, entertainment and localization and goes on to argue that Google is on the verge of achieving the holy grail of branding--being all things to all markets."
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Google's DNA

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @10:56AM (#15105731)
    "'Google is actually the first company with a brand that is built entirely on stem cells"

    Don't let Bush know! He'll demand that they do not produce any new products based on new stem cells, but only using existing stem cells. After all, using new products would be tantamount to murder and might upset his base.

    If Google succeeds, the terrorists win.

  • Re:Good God (Score:3, Funny)

    by LiquidCoooled (634315) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @10:58AM (#15105741) Homepage Journal
    Good god indeed, google do no evil.
    Google ARE god.

    I can't decide who is the devil however, does he wear a turtleneck or does he throw chairs?
  • Stem cells? (Score:0, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @10:59AM (#15105753)
    OMG Google is killing BABIES!!!!!11111 I'm going to write my congressman and ask for a ban on Google, who's with me?? We can't let the satanic liberals kill those poor little clumps of undifferentiated tissue!
  • by eviloverlordx (99809) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @11:01AM (#15105768)
    I can't wait to see the horrible, mutant creation that they come up with. I mean, there's no point in using DNA unless you can make monsters.
  • by OSS_ilation (922367) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @11:01AM (#15105773)
    >>Google is on the verge of achieving the holy grail of branding--being all things to all markets. When I'm driving my GoogleCar into my GoogleGarage after a long drive along the GoogleTurnpike, guided by my GoogleGPS to have dinner prepared by my Froogle-provided Russian mail order bride, then we'll talk.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @11:09AM (#15105844)
    Long live the synergistic DNA based information economy. The paradigms of old cannot explain the morphous structure of such a groundbreaking and globulous company. It's ability to dynamically adapt to multi-faceted environments while leapfrogging the pure-play biases of old while creating a new dynamic for business is absolutely staggering. Business, debt, and equity analysts falter before this new way of business that completely destroys the old business paradigm while thinking out of the box in it's ultimate goal to deliver real-time, free, services while caraessing the consumer mind with visually appealing and sensual avertisements, enticing consumers to spend their way into further debt laden lives, for which there will be an exit once GOOG becomes the master of their domain and ensures economic growth of 30% per year, creating a perpetual economic boom and a wonder economy unparalled in history, even considering post-WW2 German and Japanese growth. Spearheading this will be the awesome leadership of GOOG that will never become a 800lb gorilla as they dynamically and deftly work their way through the maze of business. They will never grow to large to innovate quickly and will always be lean and agile in their persuit for the ultimate goal, the highest P/E ratio known to man and a stock price in excess of the greatest investor of all time's company, Bershire Hathaway, which is nothing more than a speck of dirt imagined by an intellectual dolt, as he cannot fathom the sheer genious of the DNA structure at GOOG.

    I pity the fools.
  • Blather (Score:5, Funny)

    by Weedlekin (836313) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @11:15AM (#15105884)
    According to the article, Google is a company like no other because it is producing its own versions of things that already exist. Perhaps I've missed the point, but from where I'm sitting, this actually seems to be something that nearly every company does, and many of the bigger ones have their fingers in a lot more pies than Google do.

    IMO rather than proving Google are somehow "built almost entirely out of stem cells", this actually shows that Businessweek publishes artices built almost entirely out of bullshit.
  • by Nom du Keyboard (633989) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @11:22AM (#15105950)
    being all things to all markets.

    Google Beer. I can hardly wait!

  • by dpbsmith (263124) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @11:35AM (#15106045) Homepage
    They grow everywhere. They are showy and fun for kids to play with. They are showy and superficially attractive, but in reality are destructive weeds that need to be mercilessly extirpated. They can lead to false conclusions, such as that there must be a way to brew wine from analogies. In the end, their seeds are carried by the wind and, thus, they blow.
  • by caffeination (947825) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @12:06PM (#15106310)
    Ah, the stock market, the zodiac of the rich...

    GOOG stock holders:
    Beware of irresistible new offers, as the dotcom constellation will soon be heading back between Mars and Venus

    MSFT stock holders:
    Potentially hard times are coming. It's too early to say what the outcome will be, but the proximity of Jupiter to Neptune doesn't bode well.

  • by curunir (98273) * on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @12:08PM (#15106332) Homepage Journal
    Googlemobile 0.8.12 beta

    Release Notes:

    - Added new feature that allows the car to integrate with Google's free Wi-Fi networks that would use your current location to find open parking spaces near you and indicate them on the Google Maps interface.
    - Added new DIY maintenance feature that allows you to search a database of thousands of repairs and receive instructions as well as maps to the closest retailers selling replacement parts.
    - Added feature to use the hot air generated by Google Fanbois (TM) as an energy source replacement for gasoline. The Googlemobile gets an EPA estimated 280 mi/GPA (Google Product Announcement).
    - Disabled optional feature to post back to Google that you're currently being cited for speeding or other driving infraction. The google network is no longer able to alert all other Google drivers that there are officers in that vicinity so that they can avoid being ticketed. This feature has been disabled pending the outcome of the class action suit filed on behalf of 10 separate state highway patrol organizations.

    End User License Agreement (EULA)

    This automobile is provided by Google "as is" and any express or implied warranties, including, but not limited to, the implied warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose are disclaimed. In no event shall google be liable for any direct, indirect, incedental, exemplary, or consequential damages (including, but not limited to, procurement of substitute goods or services; loss of use, life or profits; or business interruptions) however caused and on any theory of liability, whether in contract, strict liability, or tort (including negligence or otherwise) arising in any way out of the use of this automobile, even if advised of the possibility of such damage.
  • by Atzanteol (99067) on Tuesday April 11, 2006 @01:48PM (#15107136) Homepage
    I have seen some people 'not get it' when it comes to jokes, but buddy you seriously need help. Run, don't walk, to your nearest 'humor store' and buy all you can. Seriously. Isn't there a help number for people like this?

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