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RIAA Approved mp3 Player Reviewed 73

Posted by Zonk
from the not-cool-not-pink dept.
buckminster writes "Medialoper has an exclusive review of the soon-to-be legendary Prism DuroSport 6000. According to the review, 'if the RIAA had had designed an industry approved digital media player this is what it would look like'. The player has an extraordinary collection of features including 'disposable flash memory' and built-in DRM system with 'opt-in listening'."
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RIAA Approved mp3 Player Reviewed

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  • by RLiegh (247921) * on Saturday April 01, 2006 @05:08PM (#15043074) Homepage Journal
  • Well, sure (Score:3, Funny)

    by SparksMcGee (812424) on Saturday April 01, 2006 @05:09PM (#15043077)
    But does it play .ogg?
  • Finally! (Score:4, Funny)

    by dteichman2 (841599) on Saturday April 01, 2006 @05:12PM (#15043089) Homepage
    A true iPod killer! If the sales don't work, I'm sure it could simply crush them.
  • by Coopjust (872796) on Saturday April 01, 2006 @05:15PM (#15043098)
    The RIAA approved players will make your listening experience safer and better.

    Now, your player will connect to a world wide marketing database to automatically determine if your player has pirated music! Any song you spent less than $2 or converted is likely to have pirated, so your player will delete the music for you!

    You'll need to rebuy the song every year to support your artists continually. And your songs will only play on this player with the same set of batteries-if anything changes, your license has expired and you'll need to buy more music, that you can only listen to during off-peak hours. Peak hours, 7:00am to 7:00pm, will cost twice as much in order to support the "artists".

    DRM-making your life better (TM)! Buy this so the RIAA can get another Benz...I mean, support the artists.
  • lolz (Score:5, Funny)

    by akhomerun (893103) on Saturday April 01, 2006 @05:27PM (#15043148)
    best line ever

    well...more than one line...but anyway...

    DuroSports new battery powered battery charger allows you to charge your DuroSport battery just about anywhere. With this amazing new device youll always have enough power to listen to your favorite music.

    Please note that the battery powered battery charger has no power adapter and must be charged by another battery powered battery charger. Because of this the minimum purchase is two (2) units/i.
  • by Simonetta (207550) on Saturday April 01, 2006 @05:37PM (#15043179)
    Buying an RIAA-approved MP3 player is like flying on an Al-Qaida approved jetliner. It's guaranteed to have unwanted consequences and side effects that are the exact opposite of the experience that you are paying for. Basically you're giving extra money to extortionists in advance in order to be assured by the extortionists that the bad things that they do to people for money won't happen to you. But these organizations exist not to extort money, but to do nasty things to people. So by using equipment 'approved' by them only ensures that the bad things that these people do are going to happening to you.
        An Al-Qaida airliner can be expected to blow up in mid-flight, because that's what they do. They aren't in it for the money or to sell 'Allah-approved' transportation, they do what they do in order to murder as many people as possible. An RIAA-approved MP3 player can be fully expected to stop playing your music randomly until you plug it into a phone line and automaticilly transfer more funds from your bank account to the RIAA's 'copyright and artist's protection' account. It's a guaranteed hassle from a band of assholes. It's hard to imagine any intelligent person buying it. It's like setting up an automatic bank transfer to extortionists and then being shocked and amazed that they are demanding more money each month.
        Al-Qaida is a criminal organization obsessed with the murder of randomly selected individuals. The RIAA is a criminal organization that gets its money by using vast legal resources to extort money from randomly selected individuals. You can't fight criminal organizations or defend yourself from them by giving them the money that they demand. They just get stronger and meaner. You have to band together with others who are being extorted to defend each other and as a group refuse to pay the extortionists and then defend yourself against the violence (either physical or legal) that they bring against your group.
        That's the only defense against the RIAA or the mafia. With Al-Qaida the only defense to be willing and able to kill everyone who aids and supports them, regardless of how cruel that these actions will make you appear to the world or history. It is their religious fanatisism that has put them into a mindset to where they can't be reasoned with or bought off like normal criminals. And they use the common people to hide them, like Mao's fish guerrillas in a sea of peasants. So to fight them, we are forced to kill everyone in the lands where they excape. They force us to be insanely cruel in order to defend ourselves. It is like Golda Meir's observation that the worst thing that the Palestinian terrorists do is force us to kill their children. But since they live to be martyrs anyway, we have no choice but to deliver this onto them.

      Anyway, don't buy any 'RIAA approved' MP3 players. They're just a box of DRM hell.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 02, 2006 @02:53AM (#15044519)
    The backlash has already started at Prism DuroSport Sucks [prismdurosportsucks.com]. Is nothing sacred?!

I use technology in order to hate it more properly. -- Nam June Paik

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