Will Apple Disappoint on 30th Anniversary?

An anonymous reader writes "We've seen the media get over-excited about an Apple launch before, but one CNET columnist is 'threatening suicide' if Apple don't announce something for their 30th Anniversary this Saturday. CNET is concerned at the lack of any news from Apple: 'You'd guess that Steve Jobs will at least have to walk out onto the lawn in Cupertino, light a few fireworks and make some whooping noises. It's that or risk an international incident.' Is Apple going to keep a low profile for their 30th?"

Suicide Note?

[eldavojohn]

We've seen the media get over-excited about an Apple launch before, but one CNET columnist is 'threatening suicide' if Apple don't announce something for their 30th Anniversary this Saturday.

I wonder what application he'll use for his suicide note [theonion.com]?

I hope Chris Stevens and his wife don't have any anniversaries coming up. I guess she could always 'forget one' after taking out a lucrative life insurance policy on him.

I hope so

[Anonymous Coward]

One tires after a few years of reading overwrought Apple-adulation.

Didn't you know?

[DebianDog]

Apple is going to go OUT OF BUSINESS!

Said Steve Jobs, "It has been a good 30 year run and, unlike most companies, we want to close the doors while we are still profitable"

Apple 30th Anniversary commerative one-day sale

[Randall311]

I would settle for a one day sale of 30% in celebration of 30 years. Every Apple product 30% off, then I would buy a MacBook Pro. They at least need to do an April Fool's joke. Like "We're making OS X available to install legally on all generic x86 harware." ... Gotcha! April Fools!!

Re:Wait

[garcia]

Oh come on now! It's talking about Steve Jobs, Apple, their 30th Anniversary, and suicide. Sounds almost as good as the 6 o'clock news trailers.

Re:Suicide Note?

[eviloverlordx]

I wonder what application he'll use for his suicide note?

vi.

Re:Wait

[gEvil (beta)]

Of course there's a story here--there may be a job opening at CNET UK next week!

Not Quite...

[waif69]

Apple plans on selling their portable computers to Lenovo and the desktop computers to Dell, following the leads of IBM and Alienware. Apple will then take the money from those two deals and purchase apple music thereby bringing a long-time battle to a close. Of course this will result in Beatles music being available in iTunes for 9cents per song, to spite Yoko Ono.

Don't shoot the messenger, the voices told me this, they really did.

Re:Wait

[TopShelf]

I think the story is, "CNET is desperately trying to fill space."

Let's TP Microsoft

[boy_afraid]

I know what they can do. They can all get together and buy a truckload of Toilet Paper and TP Microsoft HQ!

Re:Oh, cry me a river.

[Thud457]

"Apple Computer - proudly going out of business for thirty years"!

Apple will announce "Ipod Yocto"

[digitaldc]

"Ipod Yocto" - an Ipod so small that it fits into your inner ear.
Once you buy it, you will instantly become the coolest technophile on the planet, but the downside is that noone will be able to notice that you own one.

Re:Please please please, a new iPod.

[Flounder]

If they don't announce, I will feel like quite the chump.

Maybe you should just kill yourself now and beat the rush.

Re:Suicide Note?

[Slithe]

Microsoft Office with Clippy, of course!

http://www.faculty.english.ttu.edu/barker/4367/ima ges/ClippySuicide.jpg [ttu.edu]

Yes it is

[itistoday]

A suicide is not a light subject to be throwing it around like it's some joke...

Are you kidding me??? You obviously don't know how to kill yourself like a man [thebestpag...iverse.net].

Don't sue me but I know what will be announced...

[Anonymous Coward]

A range of leather cases for the iPod range. Nothing new I hear you cry? This time they come with a limited edition embossed logo.

Remember, you heard it here first!

Re:Steve Jobs Dumping Apple Shares

[Anonymous Coward]

Hmmm. Isn't the tax 15%, not 45% ???

15%, son, if you're paying 15% then it's very obvious that you have a long ways to go up the wage ladder, let alone even coming within sniffing distance of Stevie.

Alternative to Fireworks

[gluteus]

Steve should bring out a wheelbarrow of newspaper and magazine articles about "beleaguered Apple" or "Apple going out of business" and light them up in the parking lot. And maybe send a get well card to Michael Dell.

OT: converts

[(startx)]

I'm as much of an Apple fanboy as the next guy (3 Macs at home, 2 ipods, 6 converts)

Thats one thing I've noticed all Mac users I know(including myself) keep track of...number of people coverted. I've only got 1 convert(wife), but she's already racked up 6, and they've converted a few more. All happy Mac users now.

Are there any Mac users out there who don't keep track of the number of people who have "switched" after playing around with his or her computer for a while?

Re:What will Apple announce?

[jest3r]

Maybe they could announce 2 buttons on the MacBookPro trackpad? Why on earth is it still one button? Even the Mighty Mouse has more buttons.

Please, Steve, keep quiet!

[sootman]

1 less CNet writer = the world is a better place.

Gettin' old

[The Famous Brett Wat]

You'd guess that Steve Jobs will at least have to walk out onto the lawn in Cupertino, light a few fireworks and make some whooping noises.

Nah. He'll walk out onto the lawn and yell at some kids to get off it.

Disclosure: I'm thirtysomething.

Steve Jobs will buy France for the 30th

[swschrad]

and establish a Cabinet-level office of "le Software" to celebrate victory.

viva le Difference.

How do you want to be disappointed today?

[pergamon]

This is indeed one area where Apple lags behind Microsoft. Microsoft has the ability to not just disappoint on each and every anniversary of their founding, but most of the days in between as well.

I heard differently.

[MAXOMENOS]

From what I've heard, Apple was going to shock the world by re-introducing their original Apple line of computers.

That's right: the Apple \/, the latest successor to the wildly successful Apple ][ line, is on its way. This state-of-the-art machine features an amazing 8 MHz processor with a shocking 512 KB of RAM and built-in double floppy drives, to handle the computing needs of the 21st Century. This machine comes with an updated version of Apple DOS that gives you the power to create directories on your double-sided floppy disks (although I understand that NetBSD will also run on this machine). Order now and get a free 14" monochrome monitor and printer (your choice of dot-matrix or pinwheel).

How thoughtful of them

[Guppy06]

"but one CNET columnist is 'threatening suicide' if Apple don't announce something for their 30th Anniversary this Saturday."

CNET? Heck, I'll chip in and buy the Kool-Aid!

here's the scoop

[Hellasboy]

They've done small. Enough of that. Now they're gonna go BIG [google.com]. Everyone will want one of these. ;)

Re:Suicide Note?

[WilliamSChips]

and will transport you to the moon.

If Apple made a product that transported tech columnists to the moon, it would almost make up for their use of DRM in the iTunes Music Store.

This is what will happen...

[tktk]

Steve Jobs will send out a signal, all the white iPod earbuds will activate, crawl into the listeners ears and take over their mind. Steve's getting old and his natural RDF isn't cutting it anymore.

That's why iPod earbuds are so uncomfortable. Even nanomachines in the white earbuds take up space. And you thought yesterday's iPod update was for volume control. It was really for control of volumes of people!

Surprise!

[Anonymous Coward]

Jobs anounces that they decided to not go through with the Pixar sale and instead Pixar will merge with Apple and they have made an offer to buy Disney. His only major condition is that Michael Eisner be shot. The Disney board has said that shouldn't be a problem.

Re:Whatever.

[cpt kangarooski]

Yes, we all know that using LaTeX drives even real men to suicide.

Re:OT: converts

[ucblockhead]

Heh. I've got two Apple converts and I don't even use Apple's myself.

Re:Wait

[VolciMaster]

possibly the most content-free Slashdot post ever.

Just wait till the dupe comes out

Re:Apple, Microsoft and the thrill of it all.

[Speare]

Well, I dunno about the Stones, but I think I can be safe in saying that Steve Jobs is DEFINITELY not planning on having the Beatles come and sing a celebration anytime soon.

Re:Apple 30th Anniversary commerative one-day sale

[stmfreak]

A better April fools joke would be an OSX hack iso that allows install onto a modded XBOX.

Re:I heard differently.

[rho]

I'm sorry, but I think you vastly overestimate the size of this market. I can set off a pretty powerful bomb and not kill anybody in the "retro community". However, I will slaughter a lot of iPod users.

Two words....

[Anonymous Coward]

Leap Different.

Re:Suicide Note?

[catwh0re]

*Begins Typing "Farewell cruel world .."* *Clippy Appears* Hi! It looks like you're writing a suicide letter?

Would you like help in:
Plotting your own death?
Choosing a weapon of choice?
Open the suicide letter template gallery.