Get RSS Feeds on Your Toilet Paper

0110011001110101 writes "A crazy new product out of Taiwan seems to be aimed at the feed dependent of us out there. The 'rsstroom reader' is a bathroom gadget that prints news feeds onto your T-P - that's right, your TOILET PAPER! The best part is the "biometrics" toilet seat that'll figure out who you are based on your weight and prints the news you want - not your roommates tabloid garbage. Going to the rsstroom will never be boring again! Heres a close-up image of this new gadget."

The Island

[biocute]

Just like Ewan McGregor's urine is used to determined what he can/cannot eat on that day.

You would think that with technology this advanced (the Taiwanese one, not McGregor), yet we can't put a feasible breathalyzer in the car and determine if a driver is under the influence or speeding.

And what happens when these toilet paper with Slashdot RSS clogged up the toilet?

Re:The Island

[cpn2000]

And what happens when these toilet paper with Slashdot RSS clogged up the toilet?

Well, it means you've just slashdotted your toilet.

Re:The Island

[kars]

You mean splashdotted.

Re:The Island

[Gleng]

News for turds. Stuff that splatters?

Re:The Island

[zobier]

Gold

Re:The Island

[xcomputer_man]

Brings a whole new meaning to "yellow journalism".

Re:The Island

[Lisandro]

I can do that without this device just fine, thank you very much.

Re:The Island

[shokk]

So that's what the Goatse guy is up to! Hand that guy a roll...he could probably fit it up there and consume all his feeds at once.

Re:The Island

[Mutiny32]

Actually, they can put a breathalyzer in your car. A friend of mine's next door neighbor had one in her car that would not allow the car to start if she had alcohol in her system. Yes, it was court mandated.

Re:The Island

[sedyn]

"Actually, they can put a breathalyzer in your car. A friend of mine's next door neighbor had one in her car that would not allow the car to start if she had alcohol in her system. Yes, it was court mandated."

I can see it now:
*In a bar, about to leave*
"Hey lady, could I get a quick blow in my car?"

Re:The Island

[Loether]

That's why you should always bring your kid with you to the bar. So they can blow in the breathalyser to start your car for you.

Actually I heard these type of devices require you blow in them at intervals not just to start the car.

Re:The Island

[Opie812]

A friend of mine's....

Riiiight....a "friend", nudge-nudge, wink-wink,saynomore-saynomore

Re:The Island

[petermgreen]

from what i have heared they are horribly unreliable devices at the best of times and require the cars electrics to be in tip top condition to be usable too.

polititians wan't votes and forcing shit like that on everyone would be a good way to lose them and probablly wouldn't bring all that much lobby money in so i very much doubt they would.

Re:The Island

[Pantero Blanco]

"You would think that with technology this advanced (the Taiwanese one, not McGregor), yet we can't put a feasible breathalyzer in the car and determine if a driver is under the influence or speeding."

I don't think technology is really the issue there... It's a combination of lack of resources and fear of an indignant public. I wouldn't want to drive a car with a device like that in it (excluding rentals, the protection of which could be a legitimate use of the device).

Re:The Island

[sedyn]

"And what happens when these toilet paper with Slashdot RSS clogged up the toilet?"

As dictated by standard operating procedure as a slashdotter you just blame Microsoft [ericreiche.net]

FAKE!

[Emrikol]

I call fake! It looks exactly like a Zebra XI [google.com] printer, with a nice photoshop job! FAKE FAKE!

Re:FAKE!

[nb caffeine]

I thought it looked awful similar to (larger) label printers. I guess, if you want to wipe with the paper that comes out of those, more power to you.

how do you print on TP?

[EccentricAnomaly]

to print on a decent grade of TP would be quite a feat...

Re:how do you print on TP?

[Lisandro]

A laser would do it nicely, if you take care in not burning it...

Re:FAKE!

[MankyD]

Right. You'll note that if you look at the inside of the supposed TP roll, it's not your standard brown paper tube (nor does it resemble one at all.)

It's a CONCEPTUAL product

[winkydink]

From TFA:

[note: the rsstroom reader(TM) is a conceptual product by dj spyhunter]

I'm not sure how one would fake a concept.

Re:It's a CONCEPTUAL product

[kesuki]

I'm not sure how one would fake a concept.

you might wanna take notes from http://atomchip.com/ [atomchip.com] that guy.

i think it goes something like get junk patent, find dumb rich investor looking to get in on the newest technology, show them your junk patent and lots opf silly videos and get cash and then make sure they can't find you when they realize you just wanted the cash for yourself... and don't have a real company...

Re:FAKE!

[newell98]

From TFA: [note: the rsstroom reader(TM) is a conceptual product by dj spyhunter]

Slashdot takes one step closer to becoming The Onion...

Re:FAKE!

[whitehatlurker]

Slashdot takes one step closer to becoming The Onion...

Woo-hoo ... oh, you meant that as a bad thing. Sorry.

Re:FAKE!

[AKAImBatman]

Too bad. I was just getting a kick out of misreading the summary:

The best part is the "biometrics" toilet seat that'll figure out who you are based on your weight and prints

I wonder what prints they're talking about...

Commas (or unintentional lack thereof) are a wonderful thing. :-)

Re:FAKE!

[OverlordQ]

from the raising-the-bullshit-detector dept.

It's Funny. Laugh

As if you couldn't tell already?

Re:FAKE!

[1u3hr]

Also, Googling for "Yi Tien Electronics" just finds dozens of blogs referencing the same supposed "press release".

So many things unlikely about a printer that prints on soft paper, dries instantly and is safe to wipe on your tender nether regions. What might actually be viable is a text-to-speech unit.

What a shitty idea

[winkydink]

Well, the content of most rss feeds does befit the product.

Forget RSS feeds.

[Seumas]

I have a better - and far more fitting - idea. Blogs on toilet paper.

Re:Forget RSS feeds.

[B3ryllium]

Most blogs have RSS feeds. In fact, I think they've helped popularize the format.

Re:Forget RSS feeds.

[leamas]

So rather than call it bog roll, we can now refer to it a blog roll?

Re:Forget RSS feeds.

[B3ryllium]

A few, I admit; however, Livejournal and Blogspot support RSS, so doesn't that cover most of the collective blogging environments? :)

Re:Forget RSS feeds.

[wayward]

Did you forget that bloggers are "the digital elite?" So I think it'd at least have to be fancy toilet paper, not that cheap single-ply stuff.

People won't want this

[Anonymous Coward]

Too much concern over viruses and back doors.

Slashdot on the Pot

[mkw87]

What I've always wanted!

CICO

[Soko]

How apropos, given the state of most content on the Web.

Crap In, Crap Out.

Soko

On your mark...

[Jhon]

Get set... GO!

Que the "Anal fissures due to allergic reactions to ink" lawsuits.

RSS on toilet paper?

[plover]

RSS on toilet paper?

"No shit?"

Re:RSS on toilet paper?

[giel]

Yeah... It's called podcasting.

Re:RSS on toilet paper?

[Scarletdown]

Yeah... It's called podcasting.

In this case, it would be called potcasting.

Re:RSS on toilet paper?

[plover]

Yeah... It's called podcasting.

In this case, it would be called potcasting.

Isn't this just another case of the pot calling the kettle brown?

Re:RSS on toilet paper?

[Anonymous Coward]

You mean you don't know how to use the three sea shells?

Afraid of link.

[hal2814]

I'm kind of afraid to click a "close-up" image of a device that's used on the toilet. It's not a picture of a live demo is it?

Re:Afraid of link.

[flood6]

If you've been reading slashdot comments for a while you shouldn't have any problems. With all the tubgirl and goatse images that get posted in here, seeing even the fattest, harriest of men engaged in a "regular" bowel movement shouldn't even make you blink.

Re:Afraid of link.

[Doctor O]

Actually, this is quite true and I cannot possibly decide whether it's funny or sad, so I'll resort to saying that at least it's remarkably *useful*. If you happen to like wearing goatse, tubgirl or lemonparty shirts at work, that is.

Looks like a Zebra printer

[jacobcaz]

Does this put into perspective the quality of most RSS feeds maybe?

Also, does this look like just a modified Zebra printer to anyone else?

This is going too far

[qwijibo]

I used to have a terminal in my bathroom, so I understand the motivation to be close to information. However, I have to draw the line at buttometric technology, that's just wrong.

Re:This is going too far

[nate nice]

I just bring mine in with me. Hopefully that close radiation isn't fucking my balls up!

Guilt.

[Pillowthink]

It would seem that feelings of guilt may spawn from wiping yourself with your favorite feed. Of course, if ever one became fed up with hearing the latest stupid news from one's roommate, a very powerful point could easily (and comfortably) be made.

conceptual

[slashrogue]

The link itself says it's just a conceptual product. Actually reading the article submission before posting it to /. FTW

Re:conceptual

[TubeSteak]

That would be the editors' job.^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H

Oh the potential...

[sarlos]

Hack your neighbors wireless connection and feed false information to their RSS printed TP. Imagine the fun you could have. Program it to tell your neighbors wife she's fat and needs to lose weight. Program it to insult your neighbor's husband's manhood. There's so much potential here it is staggering...

Re:Oh the potential...

[DanTheLewis]

Hack your neighbors wireless connection and feed false information to their RSS printed TP. Imagine the fun you could have. Program it to tell your neighbors wife she's fat and needs to lose weight. Program it to insult your neighbor's husband's manhood. There's so much potential here it is staggering...

I know what you're saying. TP is big "business". Just imagine what it could do for the sexual pharmacology industry.

More potential than potent? Looking for staggering manhood? Wipe no further!

Re:Oh the potential...

[The Angry Mick]

Program it to insult your neighbor's husband's manhood

At last! The perfect place to forward all of those penis enlargement spams!

GIMP toilet paper

[ettlz]

And to think that just today someone asked me why The GIMP has a toilet-paper template. Now I know why! For that printer!

Re:GIMP toilet paper

[zobier]

The GIMP has a toilet-paper template.

I checked, and surely enough - File > New > Template: Toilet Paper (US, 300dpi)

Seriously, WTF!?

Re:GIMP toilet paper

[drsquare]

That setting's for forging American dollars.

Finally a reason to subscribe to....

[doublem]

Well, at long last I have a reason to subscribe to the White House RSS feed...

huh?

[DanTheLewis]

I thought you were supposed to use toilet paper to decrease the amount of unadulterated bull crap in your bathroom.

Serious question

[RootsLINUX]

"The best part is the "biometrics" toilet seat that'll figure out who you are based on your weight and prints the news you want - not your roommates tabloid garbage."

Sounds fishy to me. Its not like we weigh the same every day (some people like myself can fluctuate up or down 5 pounds a day). And of course when you are doing your business, that's going to change your weight too. It seems like this "identification" system would only work well if all the members of the household are of significantly (10lbs

Re:Serious question

[errxn]

I was thinking the same thing. Perhaps the solution would be to install an iris scanner which has been modded to do pattern matching on the user's "brown eye".

Re:Serious question

[ralf1]

Its a pretty easy hack to modify a biometric authentication device to measure assprints.

Re:Serious question

[pikine]

A laser orifice scanner would work well, a new breakthrough in biometric identification! Can also report diagnostics of hemorrhoid.

Meh

[Eli Gottlieb]

I really don't know why I would want to pay tons of money so I could read Slashdot on the toilet.

what is

[$RANDOMLUSER]

What means this word 'arsefeeds'?

Does it deliver...

[__aaclcg7560]

I'll buy one only if it will re-order the TP and have it delivered to my place. Could also use one for paper towels. Seems like I run out of paper towels faster than TP, even though I eat and poop at the same rate. Go figure.

Finally...

[jvl001]

Finally, I can now read /. RSS headlines that are worth the paper they are printed on!

Remove dupes by tearing out a square (or more)!

RSS

[waterlogged]

Real Simple Shitification.

I guess...

[hackstraw]

I have to chase the article down the toilet with the server, the printer, and the RSS feed!

Yuck!

Any mirrors?

Picture Mirror (Karma Whoring)

[Vicsun]

Maybe it's because I'm torreting Linux ISOs, but both the picture and the article seem to be displaying at atrocious speeds. Here [imageshack.us] is a mirror of the picture. I guess you can use Mirrordot [mirrordot.com] or something for the article, but honestly, who reads the article?

Bill O

[saskboy]

The only blog feed worth wiping with is Bill O'Idiot's from Fox News.

It has the bonus effect of being a puff of hot air to dry your bottom.

CrapTop

[tedgyz]

This is really weird. Just before reading this article, I came up with the idea of a "CrapTop" - a laptop computer for the bathroom. I was reading an article and had the urge to purge, but I couldn't bring my 'puter with me.

Of course, if you have seen the Seinfeld episode at the bookstore, you know the dangers of having your CrapTop "tagged" as infected. :-)

New RSS feed needs

[griffjon]

Now, this could really be a big seller if asciipr0n.com starts publishing RSS feeds...

I AM CORNHOLIO!!

[peterpi]

I need TP.
For my bunghole.

Re:I AM CORNHOLIO!!

[peterpi]

Only on slashdot :)

Bringing new meaning to the question...

[DaedalusLogic]

Who reads this shit?

Excellent for news of any kind!!!

[grumpyman]

Read it, wipe your ass, and flush them down the toilet with the rest of the shits.

New acronym?

[ScrewMaster]

ROFRMTP

Rolling On Floor Reading My Toilet Paper.

Hmmmm .....

[gstoddart]

My mother has a big sign in her washroom that says "This is a bathroom, not a library".

Printing out custom-made TP while I'm in the head seems to be well and firmly entrenched into the "why ever for?" categry for me. :-P

Hmph

[Quiet_Desperation]

Going to the rsstroom will never be boring again!

Speak for yourself. Some of my shits have been epic.

ob. Simpson Quote

[geekoid]

"It's craptacular" - Bart Simpson

What's the point?

[dkoulomzin]

I'm trying to get crap out of my ass, not into it!

Attn: New corperate policy in effect

[grumpyman]

Attention Employees:

The per-incident toilet paper allowance is reduced from 9 grids to 6. Due to the reduction, employees are strongly urged to use BOTH sides of the paper for cleaning purpose. In addition, the automatically-timed flushing will be triggered after 15 seconds starting from the time when toilet paper is disbursed. The policy is effective immediately.

Coral Cache

[AaronCampbell]

Article: http://www.djspyhunter.com.nyud.net:8090/teapot/20 05/12/rsstroom-reader-toilet-paper-printer.html [nyud.net]
Picture: http://www.djspyhunter.com.nyud.net:8090/teapot/up loaded_images/rsstroom_reader_restroom-761230.jpg [nyud.net]

That would be painful!

[phorm]

The problem is that for toilet-paper to feed/print properly in such a device (were it not a joke) then you would likely need some rather paper-like, non-fluppy TP.

The problem with this being... standard paper and one's backend would not agree with each other greatly. The cheap stuff they buy here at work is bad enough, but I really don't need roaring hemmaroids and an ink-trace of slashdot attached to my heiny.

Inkjet? Laser?

[simetra]

Forgive me, I can't retrieve the article. Is this inkjet-based? If so, when you wipe, do you get ink on your ass? Just curious.

Marketroids

[ecloud]

seem to have a need to cover every available flat surface with advertising. Why should this be any exception? Public restrooms will probably all have toilet paper printers eventually, assuming toilet paper is not somehow obsolete by then.

But having it print a personalized feed of interesting stuff at home is really not a bad idea. You can't even say that it's very bad environmentally, any more so than using toilet paper at all is bad. The ink should be biodegradeable of course.

McFly! Read my toilet paper!

[otis wildflower]

You're
Fired

It's about time!

[supabeast!]

Now I can finally wipe my ass with the Washington Times, The National Standard, and White House press releases!

Scott McClellan, get ready to kiss this ass!

Re:It's about time!

[doubtless]

well, believe it or not, you can already wipe your ass with Washington Times, just that it's not very soft and the ink might stain ur butt cheeks

Haven't we seen this before in Back to the Future?

[docbrown42]

Admittedly, it was a fax [jhallman.com] and not an rss feed, but the principle is the same.

Biometrics?

[Phurd Phlegm]

If there are many users, the birthday paradox [wikipedia.org] guarantees that you'll have problems with people with equal weights, since most people's weight varies over a range of five or ten pounds. We could safely assume it's at the high end when you sit down, I suppose.

I'd have assumed that this was a good application for those rectal scanners I read about in Dr. Fun. I couldn't find a reference--sorry.

Commercial Model Available

[Kalak]

I'd hate to see one of these "for a captive audience" devices in the wrong place. Just think what you'd get when you sell direct marketed toilet paper (Cue Spaceballs reference).

Oh wait, my snail mailbox is full of that already (just a little rougher paper, that's all).

Slashdot - "News for Turds, stuff that splatters"

[JohnnyDoesLinux]

Where the news really stinks.

Where the 'bloid meets the 'roid

My sincere apologies, I cannot help myself.

Oh well

[altp]

And here I thought it was going to do something useful like notify you when the roll was left empty so you could yell at the person (identified by weight) left it empty ...

PrintCast

[dada21]

While this is a joke, it leads into my belief that no text-based media can succeed without being "throne-friendly."

Bathroom reading is a very attention capturing process. I've been thinking (for almosr a decade, back to my news-from-the-BBS days) about what I guess would Be called the PrintCast.

We have blogs. We have udio PodCasts that are downloaded to one's MP3 player automatically. For us text bloggers, I'd love to see software to pull blogs at say 6:30am, format them in a nice newsletter/newspaper f

Excellent!

[Robber Baron]

I finally get to express my distain for the nonsense spewed forth by the mainstream media in a truly meaningful way! Now if only I could mail it to them...

too bad most people

[t35t0r]

in third world countries use water.

Re:Ahhhhh...

[OverlordQ]

put your shitty site advert in your sig

Re:Wow..

[Junta]

You have entirely too much confidence in the slashdot readership...