Copy Machines At Greater Risk During Holidays

Ant writes "CNET News.com reports that photocopier supplier Canon is warning customers to take better care of their office equipment during the Christmas period. It claims that the festive season traditionally leads to a 25 percent hike in service calls due to incidents such as the classic backside copying prank. Such a stunt, a mainstay of the office party, often results in cracked glass on the copier, with 32 percent of Canon technicians claiming to have been called out to fix glass plates during the Christmas period after attempts to copy body parts went wrong..."

I don't believe it.....

[3seas]

Show me!!!

Xeroxing you ass is nothing..

[Anonymous Coward]

..compared to faxing your penis

who wants a copy of some dude's hairy ass?

[Anonymous Coward]

That's why I only photocopy women's breasts. That keeps most of the weight safely off the copier.

This year's Christmas party is gonna ROCK!

Simple Solution

[B1ackDragon]

That's why I saved the first copy I made of my ass: now I just photocopy that.

Ouch!

[David Horn]

Just the words "paper jam" bring me out in a cold sweat...

Re:I don't believe it.....

[LiquidCoooled]

I was thinking the same thing (hoping for hot interns), then got worried upon seeing the link for the "Put this story in perspective with this unique visual tool (full screen). Learn more" thingie and wondered how many fat arses would be seen :(

Thankfully it was just an interactive article map.

Re:I don't believe it.....

[toddbu]

Have you seen that new Jack-in-the-Box commercial where the antenna ball gets photocopied? I have to laugh every time I see the hole at the bottom of the ball where the antenna goes. At least that's what I think it is.

Why geeks don't reproduce

[Anonymous Coward]

after attempts to copy body parts went wrong..

The idea of having sex either doesn't come to mind, or the prospect is so daunting, geeks resort to other means to attempt reproducing.

Re:Question

[Rinikusu]

Because this is the one time of the year where the average /.er might actually have the opportunity to see a girl-they-work-with's ass, albeit in B&W on a crumpled sheet of paper in the trashcan? I'd say that's some "shit that matters". Or maybe that'll be the smear across the glass on the copier, so it helps to have a "heads up" before you go thinking it's chocolate and try to lick it off.

Season's greetings and shit.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

That's one big body part....

[TFGeditor]

...if it cracks the glass. Somebody who responded to all those" enhancement" spams? Or--omigod--Bob of Enzyte fame actually taking himself seriously?

Re:copying body parts

[LiquidCoooled]

PC LOAD LETTER

Inclined copy machines

[4D6963]

Make 45 inclinded copy machines, so we don't really sit on it, just lean with our asses on it. It would make the force excerced on the glass divided by something like 5 or 10 i guess.

Okay ...

[spellraiser]

Are these photocopies being taken for gift purposes? Because I've heard of some cheap-ass gifts, but actual cheap ass-gifts? That's the lowest of the low.

Gee....

[eclectro]

Canon, why don't you invent a plastic substitute for people to use during the holidays?? Of course it would have to be anti-bacterial plastic, but surely if you can make a digital camera with a zillion complicated parts you could make something simple like this??

Call it the Christmas bum-shield. Normally I would charge heavily for advice leading to this kind of business opportunity,
 

Re:Simple Solution

[Anonymous Coward]

That's why I saved the first copy I made of my ass: now I just photocopy that.

Your lucky to have access to so many A1 copiers :) I mean it must have been real difficult getting the baying beast into the first one !

Re:Xeroxing you ass is nothing..

[Viper Daimao]

talk about cybersex!

Becareful with regular copiers this holiday season

[Viper Daimao]

they can break. Thats why I use the Xerox Assjet 790 [jt.org]. The only copier made especially for your ass. Remember, when copying your ass this holiday season, choose quality, choose the Xerox Assjet 790.

Re:Xeroxing you ass is nothing..

[Anonymous Coward]

Flatbeds don't count... must use a sheet feeder.

Confusius say

[Anonymous Coward]

Crack on glass give crack in glass and glass in crack

"ommmmmmmm" :)

Re:Inclined copy machines

[TheTopher]

Actually, it'd reduce the force by a lot less. Assuming a 100 kg (220 pound) person is sitting on a horizontal piece of glass, the force would be 980 Newtons (100kg times the force of gravity). Slanting the copier 45 degrees would reduce the force against the glass to 980/sqrt(2) or about 692.96 Newtons. That's a reduction factor of 1.414. Also, don't forget that slanting the glass would result a sliding force parallel to the surface of the glass of 692.96 Newtons, which I'm guessing is more than the static friction coefficient of ass cheek on glass. Anyone know the exact value?

Anyone done this in real life?

[McCarrum]

PEN IS
STUCK
IN PRINTER

I loved the image so much, I put a sign that said the above on the printer in our helpdesk. Never seen so much coffee spirted out of peoples mouths in ages ...

Re:Okay ...

[Anonymous Coward]

You could say it's the bottom of the barrel.

Re:Inclined copy machines

[Zone-MR]

which I'm guessing is more than the static friction coefficient of ass cheek on glass. Anyone know the exact value?

Not off the top of my head, but it should be easy to find in any decent engineer's handbook.

Re:A painful copier accident...

[GoatPigSheep]

That's why I don't date fat chicks... Thin women are easily supported on the good ol' Xerox

Re:Simple Solution

[GoatPigSheep]

or why not just take a pic with a digital camara! Come on it's not the 80's here people, there are better ways to get your ass out there

Re:Checklist...

[Headcase88]

It... matters.

Now maybe you'll think before sitting oon the photocopier and having to call in some poor technician who wants to enjoy Christmas with his family...

But thanks to our good friend alchohol, it'll probably go more like "I probably shouldn't... oh, fuck the technician, this is too awesome to pass up!"

Assjet

[Macgrrl]

Some years ago Saturday Night Live did a skit with sponsorship from Xerox of the new Assjet Copier, with a specially moulded platten deisgned to take the weight and to 'lift and seperate' for a perfect ass shot every time... We show it to new starts as a psuedo induction training video. :)

Goatse.cx

[Anonymous Coward]

"That's why I saved the first copy I made of my ass: now I just photocopy that."

We know.

Re:who wants a copy of some dude's hairy ass?

[hcob$]

That's why I only photocopy women's breasts. That keeps most of the weight safely off the copier.

Also, it keeps the woman in the perfect position for some office-party-get-your-freak-on-and-no-one-remember s kinda sex... Of course, you get bonus points for coppies of her face on the machine, and even more with a shot of her face with the special sauce.

For the love of God, think of the children!!!

[ZZane]

They're lighter and won't break the glass.

Re:Xeroxing you ass is nothing..

[ozmanjusri]

Flatbeds don't count... must use a sheet feeder.

Sheet feeder, ha. I'm off to swap the photocopier and shredder around.

Re:Simple Solution

[saifatlast]

Yeah, that way is doesn't get fatter as you age either.

What I Want To Know

[Ranger]

How much glass can an ass crack crack if an ass crack can crack glass?