Fl. County Halts FTTP Until Installation Is Safer

celerityfm writes "Warning: Deploying Verizon's new Fiber To The Premises (FTTP, see previous) in YOUR neighborhood may involve geysers of raw sewage spewing onto your front yard or sinkholes opening and swallowing moving vehicles. Well, Hillsborough County, host to one of the first FTTP trial sites, has ordered Verizon to stop deployment of FTTP until they can figure out how to stop creating sinkholes that open up under minivans with children inside. No word on whether SBC is having similar problems with their fiber roll-out."

FS

[SEWilco]

First Sinkhole.

A Little Trite?

[Skye16]

>> Warning: Deploying Verizon's new Fiber To The Premises (FTTP, see previous) in YOUR neighborhood may involve geysers of raw sewage spewing onto your front yard or sinkholes opening and swallowing moving vehicles.

Still sounds like a pretty fair deal to me!

Not on my premises, thank you....

[kngthdn]

Verizon: Delivering the wrong sort of fiber.

"until installation is safer"

[codergeek42]

thank God! We didn't want Joe Q Public running their own unpatched IIS servers, did we?

Easy solution!

[Anonymous Coward]

figure out how to stop creating sinkholes that open up under minivans with children inside.

Well that's easy, drive your kids around in a different type of car, like an SUV.. problem solved!

Is that all it takes?

[raider_red]

I've had all that happen at my house, and I still don't have fiber! That just isn't fair.

bah

[nomadic]

until they can figure out how to stop creating sinkholes that open up under minivans with children inside.

Luddites.

Low Bid Contractors

[ackthpt]

Verizon's getting their money's worth.

next on news 10, more sh!t than usual with your internet connection...

Re:Dear gods, its just an optical cable!

[Megaweapon]

I was hired to install some fiber in some house in Amityville, NY. I was later accused of giving Satan internet access.

Expected outcome

[GillBates0]

It's well known that fiber "bulks up" waste and moves it through the colon more rapidly, preventing constipation and leading to larger, softer stools.

Large scale deployment of fiber is quite likely to lead to "geysers of raw sewage" if not properly contained.

New Ads

[SWroclawski]

Verizon Fiber - Catch The Wave!

bring it on...

[revery]

has ordered Verizon to stop deployment of FTTP until they can figure out how to stop creating sinkholes that open up under minivans with children inside.

For access to reasonably priced, unmetered high-speed internet access, minivan swallowing sinkholes is an evil that I am perfectly willing to face.

--

Was it the sheep climbing onto the altar, or the cattle lowing to be slain,
or the Son of God hanging dead and bloodied on a cross that told me this was a world condemned, but loved and bought with blood.

The real cause

[Artie_Effim]

The real cause of these events, as yet unobserved, can only be the Devil. You see, about 6 years ago, the Great Destroyer attempted to get DSL installed in his humble abode, told that he was more that 5000m from a C.O. His wrath is just now becomming clear as the Horned Goat himself is now eating up babies.

Re:A Little Trite?

[Anonymous Coward]

I like those odds.

First computers. Next up, humans!

[TimmyDee]

As if the internet infecting your computer wasn't enough, Verizon is working on a way to infect you.

Re:Dear gods, its just an optical cable!

[schon]

reputable contractors or Cletus the gapped tooth back hoe operator

Hey, Cletus and Merle did damn good work!

Just make sure they keep the dog away from the cement mixer. :o)

What kind of speeds are we talking about?

[heldlikesound]

Because if I can crawl out of a sewage filed sinkhole and download new Slackware ISO's in under a minute, you may have yourself a deal.

Good riddance

[DaFallus]

until they can figure out how to stop creating sinkholes that open up under minivans with children inside.

Good, killing two birds with one stone. I thank Verizon for helping remove more soccer-mom-driven minivans from the road. And as for the children... maybe now I can go seen a R rated movie without having some kid crying up and down the isles.

Re:A Little Trite?

[MikeMacK]

But wait a minute, this is Florida, seems like it would be a story if sewage and sinkholes weren't opening up everytime someone dug a hole.

My question is...

[schon]

sinkholes that open up under minivans with children inside

How exactly does one engineer a sinkhole that knows whether or not there are children inside a minivan?

Ye gads - intelligent sinkholes!

Cue the "new sinkhole overlords" jokes. :o)

Re:A Little Trite?

[SEWilco]

One of the things Japan does with their infrastructure is they run everything overhead.

But it sure makes a mess when a bird pecks through the overhead sewage lines.

Re:Wow, thats crazy

[timster]

I know that I personally always keep a fire going, and leaves nearby, so I can send smoke signals as a backup in case all these newfangled "electronic" devices fail.

Re:FS

[swordboy]

Right, but can you get it to open only for minivans with children in them?

Re:My question is...

[Anonymous Coward]

Cue the "new sinkhole overlords" jokes. :o)

I, for one, welc........what the....aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *thud*

New Verizon business plan...

[JamesP]

1 - Dig Hole
2 - Get covered in sewage
3 - Minivan full of children sinks in sewage
4 - ???
5 - Profit!

Re:Can we...

[FiloEleven]

> [Can we] have Verizon install FTTP to Congress, the White House, ... ? :)

With the amount of raw sewage coming out of there already, anything new would hardly be noticeable...

Re:FS

[gstoddart]

Right, but can you get it to open only for minivans with children in them?

Or SUV's with idiots in them?

Super-bling neon's with engineered wings and neon lights?

Oh, the possibilities are endless.

children and fiber

[Tumbleweed]

Okay, so some kids may be lost, but this is fiber to the home we're talking about here! Some sacrifices must be made.

Besides, it's not like they're taxpayers or anything. Plus, what're they gonna DO, CRY about it? Puh-lease. Stupid cry-babies.

Re:A Little Trite?

[spikev]

Let us not forget that Florida also has spawn-of-Satan weather. The difference is, the spawns in Florida usually have names given to them by the National Weather Service.

Re:Karma

[Megaweapon]

So, anybody know if the county voted Republican or Democrat?

Hmmmm, geysers of raw sewage... Nope, still sounds like either party.

Re:A Little Trite?

[bsartist]

Yeah, and they're boring names too. A hurricane is a frightening thing, so why do we give them everyday names like "Adam", "Bill", "Charlie"? Why not really hellish names like "Asmodean", "Beelzebub", and "Cerberus"?

Re:A Little Trite?

[SEWilco]

And when the ceiling starts leaking the only way to tell whether it's the roof leaking or the sewage is by the smell....

You mean that you are not willing to use any sense other than smell for the task.

Don't bother.

[mcmonkey]

Save yourself the click; Miss Utility isn't hot, and there aren't even any bikini shots.

=(

Old wisdom made new

[Bastian]

If you're ever going out into the wilderness, bring a PVC pipe with you. If you get lost, you can bury it in the ground, and a Verizon crew will be along shortly to break it.

Re:bring it on...

[macshit]

For access to reasonably priced, unmetered high-speed internet access, minivan swallowing sinkholes is an evil that I am perfectly willing to face.

Hell, I'd pay extra if they could guarantee a minimum number of minivans swallowed...

Re:DigSafe

[cbelt3]

Me too, in NE Ohio. They come out and flag and paint little circles and arrows all over the place. Then a construction company came and dug a driveway (new house) down the road. Bzzt- Cable, Phone, Power, all toasted. Fix, splice, splice, done.
Then the power guys came out and used the horizontal drill gizmo to run their replacement wire. And chewed up the cable and phone.
Then the cable guys came out and ran their replacement wire with the horizontal boring machine.
Then the phone guys came out and ran their horizontal bore, and cut the cable.
Then the cable guys came back and cut the phone.
Then the phone guys came back and reconnected their line.
Lots of amusement for us civilians.

Re:A Little Trite?

[ArsonSmith]

Yea, most Cable companies put geysers of raw sewage right in peoples living rooms.

Re:Dear gods, its just an optical cable!

[Kiryat Malachi]

I'd like a basement I could keep alligators in.

It would make keeping my relatives kids quiet during dinner a lot easier.

"Hey, Scotty, want to see a real live alligator?"

"Sure, Uncle K!"

"Well, if you don't shut up, you'll see one up close. Specifically, you will see its teeth."

Re:WTF? You RTFA?!!

[TFGeditor]

"It sounds like Verizon wants to get this test site up ASAP by focusing a lot of money and contractors on this one county."

Florida = Spam Capitol of the U.S. if not the world

Fiber = Uber bandwidth

You think?

Re:That's one smart Mexican!

[awehttam]

As much as we'd all love to see Verisign rot in hell, the company involved is Verizon.

Thanks for playing.

From the news broadcast

[wrenhunter]

"...opened a sinkhole at the worst possible moment"

Best possible moments for a sinkhole:

• Right after you've charged the battery pack in your new digicam
• Just after someone says "What, is the earth going to open up and swallow me?"
• listless fall afternoons