Time to Kill Microsoft Word?

Allnighterking writes "Apparently the frustration with another Windows Product is starting to reach increasingly visible users. John Dvorak over at ABC News is starting to question if it's time to kill Word With Viable options like Open Office.org available for Windows as well as AbiWord and others. Since they are both using XML as a way to create the documents. Or perhaps dropping a separate application altogether and going with something like X Forms to create a browser based office suite."

Yes

[Anonymous Coward]

Isn't there a kill utility for Windows that'll let you kill -9 Word. That certainly would be handy.

As a helpdesk slave, I must say..

[hookedup]

NO!

Are you crazy? That piece of software alone will keep me employed for years to come!

Re:FP!

[Izago909]

Seriously, you lost. YOu didn't get the first post AND you forgot to to post AC. You, my friend, are a 2 time loser.

In other news...

[z3021017]

MS has declared that due to the poisonous, corrupting nature of the Clippit virus, all of MS Word must be wiped. Oh wait ... it's not a virus?

How about a word processor that smacks the user...

[zymurgy_cat]

....when he/she does any of the following:

1. Types in numbers and spaces to make numbered lists instead of using the bullet/number function.
2. Uses spaces and tabs instead of margins, alignment, justification, etc. to format text layout.
3. Uses 57 different font or section styles.
4. Writes a web page, especially ones that use a complicated, eyeball-scarring background image for the body.
5. USES MULTIPLE FONT STYLES AND CAP. LETTERS FOR SECTION HEADERS

Now that's a word processor I'd like to see.

What alternatives?

[VeryProfessional]

The fact is (and this is the only MS product I can say this about) that Word is the best product in its class. All the alternatives blow to a greater or lesser extent.

Although I use LaTeX for the creation of serious documents, and I hate Word in principle, I still find myself firing it up whenever I have to create a document with some low-level formatting. It's simply the easiest and best choice. Surely that's the mark of a useful product -- when you hate it, and yet you still use it.

What I seriously object too, however, are those evil .doc files. While I generally use AntiWord to view Word attachments, and it does a very good job, it is only a matter of time before the format is changed again. It is just criminal that the de facto standard for document propagation is proprietary and closed. I recently got into a fight with a non-techy friend about this. She just couldn't understand why I got all worked up about it.

Sig

[Hatta]

You keep using that word. I do not think that it means what you think it means.

Wonderfully appropriate. :)

Word 97 Fun!

[Anonymous Coward]

If you are using Microsoft Word 97, write:

"I'd like to see Bill Gates dead".

Make sure language is set to English (United States), then check the entire phrase in the Thesaurus to see what comes up.

The reply in the thesaurus is: "I'll drink to that".

As well, there is another one...if you type:

"unable to follow direction"

the Thesaurus shoots back:

"unable to get an erection".

Obviously Microsoft programmers need to have a little fun while working with Bill.

MSWORD SUCKS

[joeldg]

Originally from alt.rants about five years ago..

For reasons which are completely beyond my control, I've spent half a week writing a document in Word 98.

I have never in my life seen, heard of, or even imagined a more malodorous piece of steaming shit than this little slice of Microsoft. Words fail me, and all that follows is the faintest Platonist shadow-on- a-wall of what is, in my heart, the Ideal Peeve, perfect in its sincerity, bottomless in its depth, and unassailable in its accuracy.

This bloated, pestilent gigabyte-swamping piece of ordure takes up enough computational resources to accurately model the world's weather for the next billion years, and what do you get for it? Something that will format and display text? Don't make me fucking laugh. What you do get is a profusion of bells and whistles thrown in a careless heap, each bauble lovingly designed to make the straight path crooked, the intuitive arcane, the simple impossible.

Take the ``Help'' for example. It's not just help, it's a new friend!

I don't want a new friend, you shit-slurping choad-munching bunch of retards; I've all too many as it is. What I want is something simple where I can find a technical detail with a minimum of fuss and interruption. I don't want animation. I don't want natural-language interpretation. I don't want to be led by the fucking nose. Give me a fucking index and get the hell out of my damn face. If I dismiss a window, I want it gone. I don't want it to wave goodbye, or hesitate, or sneeze. I want it gone.

The document I was working on was very simple. No images, no tables, no nothing. One font, one style, that's it. It would be perfectly simple in other system, even earlier versions of Word, but, oh no, not in this latest magnum opus of the word processing world.

This helpless, hapless, hopeless, buggy piece of offal insisted on changing my fonts every couple of minutes for no reason. Random chunks of text, at random times. And bullet points, don't talk to me about fucking bullet points. It's a little known fact that in the bullet-point mode of Word 98 every single button on every single toolbar is the ``Fuck Me Over Now'' button. I've got bullet points going left, I've got 'em going right, and down and up, I've got 'em changing indentation, and style, you name it.

You'd think in 20 or so megabytes of RAM there'd be room for one scenario in which it doesn't actively do anything wrong, but for that you'll have to wait for Word 2023, which will have a user interface like a retarded version of ``I have no mouth, and I must scream.''

And don't try telling me that one need only configure the options to avoid these problems; I'm not a fucking moron. I quickly configured the preferences so as to minimize all this bullshit, at which point Word promptly changed them back. Lather, rinse, repeat. If you don't want fast saves, then fuck off, you're gunna have 'em. Don't want your grammar constantly corrected by some shitty little subprogram that doesn't know the first goddamn thing about grammar? Tough shit. Empty your wallet and move off to the side.

How did this come about? It can't be incompetence, at least not the usual mundane sort one is constantly immersed in simply by having to share a planet with a bunch of fucking primates. This is either some transcendent type of incompetence, or active malevolence.

My money's on malevolence. This software was obviously created by a company who's motto is ``We're Microsoft, and you, the customer, aren't worth fuck to us.'' It matters not one iota what their official motto is, watch the hands, not the mouth. Well, Microsoft, your time will come. It may not be Linux that does you in, it may not be the DoJ, it may not be this decade, but you're going to go the way of the dodo, and I for one will cavort naked on your grave, pissing effusively on your memory, and screaming, ``Animate this, you bastards!'' to the sky.

But in the here-and-now, I shall finish this document with the quiet dignity with which I have always comported myself, and then I shall un-install Word, and swear a terrible oath that I would rather daub dung on paper with a stick than write a document using a Microsoft product.

http://www.weird.com/~woods/ms-word.sucks.html

Not the best authority

[Wateshay]

I'm all for seeing Word die a horrible, painful death, but let look at the source for this article. John Dvorak made a living for a good portion of the late eighties and nineties predicting the demise of Apple. I'm not sure his prediction that Word is on its way out means a thing.

Re:Yes

[flewp]

I hope that utility also allows kill -9 clippy .

Re:John C. Dvorak

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

Or, as I said in the original post, why use word for making html documents?

Just use notepad, like a real man.

Re:Lacking important End-User Features

[prockcore]

There is continually talk that OO.org will eventually include a Grammar checker module

I can see that you desperately need one.

Feel the pain

[IanBevan]

If you want to know how badly bloated Word is, check out this unbelievable screen shot [filejournal.com].

Re:John C. Dvorak

[Methuseus]

But why use WORD to create HTML documents? That's what notepad is for.

No, that's what vi is for.

Over my dead body

[m00nun1t]

Not until there's clippy for Open Office. How else would I know when I'm writing a letter?

Re:FP!

[Richard Dick Head]

FP? You mean Failed Profoundly?

Dude, I've seen so many massive screwups today - some dweebus knocked his lunch tray and coke into his lap with his elbow...some hotshot struttin around like a tough guy tripped on uneven sidewalk and fell on his face...this is icing on the cake!

Ok, we need a cherry......got it!...... the GNAA weenie gets signed up for hourly pornvertisments, g'day ;)

Grammar checkers are fun

[skribe]

Before: You're fucking wonderful.
After: You're fucking wonderfully.

skribe

To kill a mocking bird.

[suso]

Notice how "Time to kill Microsoft Word" and "Time to kill a Mocking Bird" sound somewhat alike.

Re:How about a word processor that smacks the user

[transient]

1. Types in numbers and spaces to make numbered lists instead of using the bullet/number function.

Maybe Slashdot could include this feature for people who don't use the OL tag to make ordered lists. ;-)

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Yes

[borgdows]

killing MS Word makes sense, killing Clippy is murder!!

Re:How about a word processor that smacks the user

[zymurgy_cat]

Only when they allow CSS to make them look nice...;^)

Re:Lacking important End-User Features

[batkiwi]

Another rule you should never forget is that prepositions are not good words to end sentances with.

Re:Lacking important End-User Features

[naelurec]

You have the right concept, but wrong feature. The feature most useful to the average user is ... WordArt.

Sadly, this appears to be a major feature of MS Office.*wince*

And if no kill -9 clippy

[aussie_a]

I at least hope it has a kill -9 me

Re:Argh, the hidden codes!

[VikingBrad]

Well you may have stopped using Word but you may want to learn how to use a paragraph or line break mark-up.

Cheers
VikingBrad

Re:Yes

[Anonymous Coward]

OpenOffice doesn't hold a candle

Why on earth would anybody design a word processor to hold candles?

Re:Yes

[tonyr60]

Hmmm, tried that. Got "bash: kill: word: no such pid"

Maybe I need a more advanced operating system.

Re:Yes

[Anonymous Coward]

Microsoft already implemented every other feature imaginable, so that's all they had left.

Re:Lacking important End-User Features

[nihilogos]

You've got to be joking. A grammar checker? Anyone else here just dying for a grammar checker?

I'm dying for one on irc clients. It's really embarrassing saying "omg strongbad is 2 kewl" when the correct expression is "omg strongbad si r0x0r"

Re:RTFA, SVP.

[CaptainCarrot]

plaid bugs

Oh, fine! Blame Scotland for every little problem!

Sassanach bastard....

Re:Lacking important End-User Features

[natrius]

Anyone for whom English ain't no native language (like myself)

Oh, you must be from Texas.

Just kidding, y'all. I'm from Texas too.

Re:Clippy bashing considered trolling

[Anonymous Coward]

i want to kill clippy he sucks

Re:Lacking important End-User Features

[Tim C]

I can live without Word's quote-unquote grammar checker. :)

You actually *wrote* "quote-unquote"?! :-)

Re:Yes

[BollocksToThis]

Why on earth would anybody design a word processor to hold candles?

So you can read your work at night.

Duh.

Clippy in DOOM 3

[Anonymous Coward]

Just type
spawn monster_demon_clip into the console.

the title is badly formatted

[rokzy]

it's supposed to read:

Time to kill Microsoft? Word!

Re:Yes

[mattyrobinson69]

thats because kill expects a pid, killall is the command you are looking for...

Re:Clippy bashing considered trolling

[chrish]

It looks like you're writing a death threat!

Would you like to:

• Delete Clippy's DLL
• Replace Clippy's graphics with goatse.cx
• Try something else

Re:Yes

[phishtrader]

How are you going to work if the power goes out, Mr. Smarty Pants?

Re:Lacking important End-User Features

[dkleinsc]

Alternately:

visitor: "Where's your library at?"

Harvard student: "At Harvard, we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

visitor: "Alright then. Where's your library at, asshole?"

Re:I doubt you'll find a whole lot of praise for i

[goatpunch]

[... ] I got the book back from the professional copy editor, whose job is to know such things, and all of the restrictive clauses were corrected.

Quick course in copy edititing:

File->Open "techy_book.doc"

Tools->Spelling & Grammer
Change
Change
Change
...
File->Send To->Mail Recipient
Profit!

must...resist...can't...resist...

[Carmody]

I hate the spell checker the most. It just says YOU ARE WRONG. Now I'm no expert but let's say I start righting something

"writing."

Re:MSWORD SUCKS

[Myrrh]

Yes. The only version of Word 98 produced was for the Mac.

Which could explain many of this guy's problems, since he was editing the document on Windows.

How he got a piece of Mac software to install under Windows, I'll never know. But obviously it didn't run all that well.

Re:Clippy bashing considered trolling

[Tandoori Haggis]

Thursday News. Clippy was burned in an accident. Investigators are looking for a pissed off dog with a grudge. A corporate spokesman reports that new desktop assistant has been auditioned. Crispy will be issued with SP3.