Santa Meets NORAD, Tux Gets Lit Up For Xmas 142
runlvl0 writes "Once again, NORAD is tracking Santa Claus on his annual trip around the world via the NORAD Tracks Santa website. Oddly, as of 1900 GMT, Santa is taking a spin over the Persian Gulf. I guess that he's glad not to have to worry about "no-fly zones" this year." NORAD has been keeping an eye on our favorite present deliverer for a few years now. Elsewhere, pixelbeat writes "Michael Still created a lovely Tux in Xmas tree lights. The complete process from gimp to the final 707 lights was documented."
Bah Humbug (Score:5, Funny)
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History of Santa Claus
1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as well as the phony ones making charlatans rich. Seeing this decline, Claus decides to invest his money by starting a toy company in his native Germany.
1720--Claus Toys becomes the largest toy company in Germany, but only because of Claus' underhanded business dealings. (It was also rumored that Claus was dealing with enemy countries as well). Competitors urged government officials to begin an investigation.
1721--Enough evidence is found, and charges are drawn up against the Claus Toys Company. Claus himself refuses to release his records.
1722--The German Supreme Court finds Claus guilty of tax evasion and of treason. When news of this breaks, Claus' employees all turn against him and his company.
1723--Claus is exiled to Sicily, and shortly before leaving, he absconds with all of the company's funds.
1724--A search party is sent to the Mediterranean to recover the funds, however, Claus hears of this ahead of time, and he and his Sicilian wife flee for their lives. (Some say he went into Northern Africa, but it is generally assumed that this was only a ruse to lure the searchers off course. He is believed to have returned to his North Pole base).
1725--Claus II is born en route to the North Pole.
1725-1734--The Claus' lay low at the North Pole. Claus teaches his son the arts of toy making and business dealings.
1735--Rumor has it that Claus has hired Scandinavian builders to construct a castle for him at the North Pole, making use of almost half of the company funds.
1739--The castle is finished, and is one of the largest in the world. Claus II reaches his fifteenth birthday, and in the same year, Claus' wife dies, accidentally falling from a balcony in one of the castle's great halls.
1740--Claus, mourning his wife, becomes increasingly ill.
1745--Santa Claus II becomes of age, and begins taking care of the castle and of his sick father.
1747--Using the remaining company funds, Claus II builds a small city around the castle to attract workers and craftsmen.
1748--Word of the North Pole settlement reaches Europe. The Elves of Eastern Europe, quickly becoming political outcasts and striving for a better life, begin immigrating in waves to the North Pole.
1753--All the elves have left Eastern Europe and have become firmly established at the North Pole. Claus II begins his father's toy company once again, with an estimated 30,000 elves employed. Claus I dies, at age 89.
1755--The North Pole officially becomes a nation, and Claus II and his wife take the throne. The toy business continues to flourish, and the elves enjoy prosperity. Claus III is born.
1757--The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by Claus II to begin an ambitious project--that of breeding and training reindeer to fly.
I'm gonna get him...this year! (Score:5, Funny)
This tool is great. Once Santa's near my region I'll be ready... I won't miss this year (damn reindeer startled me..!)
Merry Xmas. (Score:5, Funny)
PRF (Score:2, Funny)
No, Tux! No! (Score:4, Funny)
Oh, poor Tux. I mean, I know Linux hasn't won over the desktop front yet, but alcohol is NOT the answer, dear penguin!
<starts planning intervention>
Well... (Score:1, Funny)
Glad to see our priorities are in order.
Re:Well... (Score:1, Funny)
The rest of the story... (Score:5, Funny)
1998--A scandal erupts when Claus VII is reported to have oral sex with a 24-year old elf intern. Both of them deny sexual relations, while the North Pole media blows it all out of proportion. Due to the nature of Communism, Claus VII is not impeached.[added by me]
2002--Communism fails utterly at the North Pole due to the nature of the elves. Claus VII, flying clockwise around the earth making the Christmas rounds, collides with Anti-Claus, who was flying counterclockwise. A huge explosion and blinding flash of light occurs, leading scientists to believe that they annihilated each other.
2007--The North Pole becomes a democracy, run wholly by the elves. Christmas is no longer commercialized or exploited. Happiness is finally achieved throughout the kingdom.
2011--It is discovered that Claus VII did not die in the explosion, but merely made it appear so. From there he went to live in the Bahamas. He is later found, dead of a heart attack, in a jacuzzi with two and a half dozen nymphets.
Merry Christmas!
-Cyc
Tis the season (Score:2, Funny)
I'm pretty well lit up myshelf, I thank you.
Re:I'm gonna get him...this year! (Score:5, Funny)
Too bad the sites you were visiting before Slashdot earned you a seat on his naughty list.
Poor kids in France (Score:3, Funny)
Re:No, Tux! No! (Score:3, Funny)
Santa the terrorist? (Score:5, Funny)
"Hey joe, lookie here, there's one heck of a fast moving dot on the screen"
"It isn't confimed by anyone, shoot er' down"
*somewhere over the pacific*
Ho ho ho, ZAP, BANG! *several seconds later, a 9 cooked reigndeer, 1 cooked fat guy and a slegh fall through some poor youngsters roof*
Besides that, with all the bad FUD creating news lately, does anyone really trust a crazy man in a sleigh dressed in red passing out packages who can somehow travel faster than the speed of light? Seriously, he COULD be a terrorist, and all those shiney packages COULD be filled with anthrax, or nukes, or something else far more poisinous to the planet, like PS2's or televisions.
And then, everyone sits down to a nice dinner of diseased feedlotted, poisioned food(aspartame, Monosodium glutamate, carnageenan, http://www.ideatown.com/ntxa/index.html for the list) and talk amongst themselves. This is why we have outbreaks every year, undercooked meat gets on the table, people eat it and catch whatever the poor animal had at the feedlot in china. This is also why they are getting worse year by year, antibiotics injected into your animals daily when they are sick will make an infection that's resistant to those antibiotics. So celebrating good ol' jolly saint nick has some pretty bad effects, far worse a toll than some terrorists crashing planes into buildings imo.
Then of course, kids rip open playstations or televisions or gamecubes or other toys, never things that they really need like books, electronics kits, free hug cards from their parents or in some cases, computers w/ internet connections. Instead of going out and experiencing life they sit at home and play games or watch TV and poison themselves on junk food. The sugary candy of entertainment.
But that's just my bitching, don't mind the madman. Even though I'm right and you all know it I'll be neatly ignored because you're all, unlike me, sluts to convenience. I'm happy this year because I'v got family who sent me cards and remembered I existed, and everyone in my family is in one piece. Some kids don't care, or don't even know their parents because they work 14 hours a day all week and the kids never get to see them. Others take them for granted, and they don't give enough hugs.
Santa shot down over the White House... (Score:1, Funny)
Sorry, kids, but it seems that a sleigh and eight reindeer have a very similar radar signature to a 767 piloted by extremist Muslims.
This (Score:2, Funny)
I hope ACLU sues them.