Microsoft Money Leads To Street-Legal Porsche 959s

Microsoft Money Leads To Street-Legal Porsche 959s 585

Posted by timothy on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:34AM from the worthy-cause dept.

Ken Greenebaum writes "Soon there will be a 'new' Porsche 959 racing down highway 520 in Redmond. This article in autoweek describes how Bill Gates, Paul Allen and Ralph Lauren teamed up with Bruce Canepa to make the 959 street legal. Best quote: Gates 'suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."' They modernized and increased the performance of the already super car to: 575HP making the 15 year old cars race to 60 in 3.3 seconds with a top speed of 215MPH."

Microsoft Money Leads To Street-Legal Porsche 959s

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well (Score:5, Funny)

by toddhunter ( 659837 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:35AM (#6972892)

suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."
How about spending that crashing and testing time on windows instead???

I would have thought... (Score:4, Funny)

by tarquin_fim_bim ( 649994 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:36AM (#6972894)

they'd have been crash testing Fords.

And no Skyline? (Score:5, Funny)

by Dancin_Santa ( 265275 ) writes: <DancinSanta@gmail.com> on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:37AM (#6972896) Journal

Microsoft Money doesn't help me buy anything. It does tell me that I'm way over budget and will be bankrupt within 3 months of the start of the fiscal year.

Re:well (Score:5, Funny)

by Scorchio ( 177053 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:37AM (#6972897)

But they're trying to find something that will crash faster...

The Fast and the Furious III (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:42AM (#6972915)

Bill Gates in a Vin Diesel like role? The influence, the respect, the mystery...

Robert Love as the guy undercover as the Porshe employee investigating Microsoft's under-the-table dealings with Porshe, to see if more than "Microsoft Money" is involved...

Natalie "Hot Grits" Portman as his love interest who is also a Porshe racer...

Steve Ballmer, who screams "On your mark, get set, go" over and over like the crazed monkey he is...

Darl McBride running around, making sure the cars are using street-legal parts else pay him a special fee to make sure their cars don't "have problems" before a big race?

Who knows... It wouldn't be any worse than if Hollywood tried to make this!

Elsewhere... (Score:5, Funny)

by mcpkaaos ( 449561 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:44AM (#6972923)

John Carmack is seen hastily building a new rocket, loaded with weapons-grade plutonium, mumbling something about being "one-upped" about his Ferrari and some reference to a "last laugh".

Easy, Ashcroft, I was kidding about the plut++++NO CARRIER

It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:5, Funny)

by commodoresloat ( 172735 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:51AM (#6972954)

Once they heard Ford was switching to Linux they figured they had to do something to compete in the auto market.

Gates driving style (Score:3, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:53AM (#6972960)

If Gates drives his Porche like his software drives my computer, get your children inside and stay of the roads...

Suddenly... (Score:3, Funny)

by fruity1983 ( 561851 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @03:54AM (#6972967)

Suddenly all those jokes about gas guzzling speed cars making up for an inadequate penis seem so much more obvious.

Too expensive (Score:4, Funny)

by Powercntrl ( 458442 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:01AM (#6972990) Homepage

I'd rather get a Honda Civic and cover it in Type-R stickers... With each one adding 5 extra horsepower, I'd surely end up with a faster car!

Do they come in BLUE? (Score:2, Funny)

by Vampyre_Dark ( 630787 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:03AM (#6972996)

Is it me, or does is there something really wrong when a company that is world famous for CRASHING gets involved in the automotive industry?

Re:well (Score:2, Funny)

by justzisguy ( 573704 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:04AM (#6973002)

What do you call Longhorn on Itanium 2's?!?

Re:rich people (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:14AM (#6973046)

1. ?????
2. Get Rich
3. Have fun

Re:Too bad for them... (Score:5, Funny)

by mcpkaaos ( 449561 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:24AM (#6973100)

...what you want with such a car on North American roads?

Well, we could have a Cannonball Run 3. We even have a modern day Dom DeLuise. Sorry Balmer, you brought it on yourself. I guess Gates could be Burt Reynolds, but I doubt he can grow a mustache.

Linux Mechanic? (Score:5, Funny)

by teamhasnoi ( 554944 ) * writes: <teamhasnoi AT yahoo DOT com> on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:25AM (#6973106) Journal

Sure, Bill, the brakes look great! Drive faster!

Crash Test Dummies . . . (Score:4, Funny)

by Dausha ( 546002 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:26AM (#6973108) Homepage

So, will Bill Gates, Paul Allen, Bruce Canepa or Ralph Lauren also volunteer to be crash test dummies? I don't think we should accept all four of them a couple will suffice. After all, you can't have a accurate crash test without end-user testing.

This should be a slashdot poll questions: Who should be the first CTD?

Hmmm... (Score:5, Funny)

by wetson ( 27135 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:41AM (#6973164) Homepage

Gates 'suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."'

...so I assume they'll be installing Windows on them?

Re:OH MY GOD! (Score:2, Funny)

by Krach42 ( 227798 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @04:59AM (#6973224) Homepage Journal

Oooo... now I like rotary engines as much as the next guy... but wanton destruction of sports cars is something that I generally frown upon. Whether they're Porsches or not.

Member, PETSC (People for the Ethical Treatment of Sports Cars)

Microsoft Money? (Score:5, Funny)

by bastard42 ( 575318 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @05:30AM (#6973310)

I had no idea MS Money [microsoft.com] was that good. Is anyone going to patch gnucach [gnucash.org] for this? Will I have to wait for Quicken to do it first?

I mean, just think how useful it would be if I could have bills introduced into the Senate from my OSS program anytime I couldn't legally use (or afford) something. Hell, maybe they could implement it for the EU as well. That would be kick ass.

Speeding?????? (Score:4, Funny)

by MonkeyPaw ( 8286 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @05:30AM (#6973312) Homepage

"Soon there will be a 'new' Porsche 959 racing down highway 520 in Redmond."

Speeding down 520? When? With all the traffic on that highway I think top speed is 15mph.

Re:tagging bills together (Score:5, Funny)

by Scratch-O-Matic ( 245992 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @09:00AM (#6974258)

In the UK our bills have a short title...

Here in the U.S., our bills are required to have titles involving children, widows, or sick veterans.

Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:5, Funny)

by hype7 ( 239530 ) writes: <u3295110.anu@edu@au> on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @10:19AM (#6974963) Journal

Best quote: Gates 'suggested to Canepa that perhaps they could federalize the car by buying a number of sacrificial 959s to "crash and test."'

Ahhh, the sweet irony.

Who better to get a Porsche to crash than Bill Gates?

-- james

Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:5, Funny)

by BLAG-blast ( 302533 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @10:46AM (#6975257)

Who better to get a Porsche to crash than Bill Gates?
It wouldn't be that bad, all you'd have to do is close all the windows and try again...

3.3 seconds? (Score:4, Funny)

by greysky ( 136732 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @12:15PM (#6976345)

making the 15 year old cars race to 60 in 3.3 seconds

A Kawasaki Z1000 will do 0-60 in 3.15, costs only $8500, and comes street legal. Once again there's a faster, cheaper alternative to the Microsoft Solution...

Porsche: There is no substitute... (Score:3, Funny)

by cayenne8 ( 626475 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @12:46PM (#6976727) Homepage Journal

FINALLY...something positive and useful out of Redmond!!!
:-)
I'll never be able to afford one of these...but, now I at least have hope of seeing one up close someday. Wow...always dreamed of this car....Porsche...there is no substitute!!

Old Joke (Score:3, Funny)

by rocketflyboy ( 707826 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @12:52PM (#6976806)

Q: What's the difference between Porsches and porcupines?
A: Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside!

Re:3.3 seconds? (Score:4, Funny)

by Lord_Dweomer ( 648696 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @01:01PM (#6976901) Homepage

"A Kawasaki Z1000 will do 0-60 in 3.15, costs only $8500, and comes street legal."
Yes, yes it does. I could beat one too. In my '86 Jeep Wagoneer Ltd. for that matter. Know how? Its very simple.
Race starts.....I jerk my wheel to the left (or right depending on what side the bike is on) and accelerate.
Game. Set. Squish.

Re:Your MS Tax Dollars at Work (Score:3, Funny)

by Teun ( 17872 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @06:03PM (#6980003)

They might not read it. But they'll surely mod it!

Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:3, Funny)

by blair1q ( 305137 ) writes: on Tuesday September 16, 2003 @06:13PM (#6980105) Journal

I can hear the first call to the Service Station

Bill Gates: Hey! Bruce! My 959 just died. Get over here!

Bruce Canepa: You'll have to reinstall the windows and see if that fixes it, first.

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Microsoft Money Leads To Street-Legal Porsche 959s 585

Microsoft Money Leads To Street-Legal Porsche 959s More Login

Microsoft Money Leads To Street-Legal Porsche 959s

well (Score:5, Funny)

I would have thought... (Score:4, Funny)

And no Skyline? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:well (Score:5, Funny)

The Fast and the Furious III (Score:5, Funny)

Elsewhere... (Score:5, Funny)

It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:5, Funny)

Gates driving style (Score:3, Funny)

Suddenly... (Score:3, Funny)

Too expensive (Score:4, Funny)

Do they come in BLUE? (Score:2, Funny)

Re:well (Score:2, Funny)

Re:rich people (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Too bad for them... (Score:5, Funny)

Linux Mechanic? (Score:5, Funny)

Crash Test Dummies . . . (Score:4, Funny)

Hmmm... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:OH MY GOD! (Score:2, Funny)

Microsoft Money? (Score:5, Funny)

Speeding?????? (Score:4, Funny)

Re:tagging bills together (Score:5, Funny)

Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:5, Funny)

Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:5, Funny)

3.3 seconds? (Score:4, Funny)

Porsche: There is no substitute... (Score:3, Funny)

Old Joke (Score:3, Funny)

Re:3.3 seconds? (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Your MS Tax Dollars at Work (Score:3, Funny)

Re:It's obvious why M$ pulled this shit (Score:3, Funny)

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