Caldera vs. Microsoft Court Documents To Be Shredded

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Caldera vs. Microsoft Court Documents To Be Shredded 350

Posted by CmdrTaco on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:44PM from the conspiracy-theory-much dept.

Geste writes "As now being reported in this brief story and on my local (Seattle) NPR affiliate, 3 million court documents from Caldera's unfair competition suit against Microsoft are to be shredded in Utah. The timing relative to Microsoft's recent licensing of SCO Unix IP is undoubtedly a complete coincidence. "

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Caldera vs. Microsoft Court Documents To Be Shredded

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Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

by ryants ( 310088 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:46PM (#6011103)

The company that is storing the reams of documents from the Microsoft case has been hired to shred the papers -- then they'll be made into toilet paper.

This joke practically writes itself.

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How ironic... (Score:4, Funny)

by VCAGuy ( 660954 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:47PM (#6011109)

Most of it is then made into toilet paper.

How ironic indeed...any word on which manufacturer will get the pulp (I want to get me some of that!)

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Now I'll wonder... (Score:5, Funny)

by jdray ( 645332 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:48PM (#6011116) Homepage Journal

Now I'll wonder, every time I use the john, if this piece of paper once made Microsoft embrace Unix...

(okay, so I'm stretching things just a little)

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Ollie North (Score:5, Funny)

by Shadow Wrought ( 586631 ) writes: <shadow.wroughtNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:48PM (#6011117) Homepage Journal

And just this morning I was asking myself, what's Fawn Hall up to these days?

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Well... (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:48PM (#6011120)

it should make for a more comfortable wiping experience than the Windows 95 cd I currently use. Not as satisfying though.

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I'm in Utah, and I won't use it (Score:4, Funny)

by dragoncortez ( 603226 ) * writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:50PM (#6011136) Journal

How will I know if I'm buying microsoft toilet-paper? I'll just feel it in my bones. This is why I've been reading /. for so long, so that I can just feel that sort of thing. Also, if I have to sign a EULA or something before using it, I'll know.
Plus, I'm just going to use the single-ply sheets that look like normal paper- not the double-ply, flowery, squishy toilet-paper that I'm sure will have come from microsoft. Just something to get the job done, and something that won't break. That's what I need.

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Quite a sight... (Score:4, Funny)

by unicron ( 20286 ) writes: <unicron AT thcnet DOT net> on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:50PM (#6011138) Homepage

It is scheduled to be the single most interesting thing that has EVER happened in Utah.

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

by jared_hanson ( 514797 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:51PM (#6011149) Homepage Journal

In related new, Microsoft has just announced that they are resuming the iLoo project.

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:52PM (#6011161)

Like muLinux says...

"Micro$oft. Whats that? Some kind of toilet paper?"

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Ebay opportunity (Score:3, Funny)

by swifticus ( 191301 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:54PM (#6011171)

All those documents will be shredded, then sent to a pulp mill where they are treated to remove the ink. Most of it is then made into toilet paper.
How long until a roll of Microsoft Document toilet paper hits ebay?

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Re:How ironic... (Score:5, Funny)

by commodoresloat ( 172735 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:57PM (#6011196)

Why? Do you really want that stuff up your ass? Don't MS products already cause enough pain in that region as it is?

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Re:Ebay opportunity (Score:5, Funny)

by commodoresloat ( 172735 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @05:59PM (#6011216)

The only toilet paper that comes with a paper clip.

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Re:Quite a sight... (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:03PM (#6011243)

What about the Sundance Film Festival and the Salt Lake City olympics? Lots goes on in Utah besides getting married and having kids when you're 14.

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and in the news... (Score:5, Funny)

by bilbobuggins ( 535860 ) writes: <(moc.tnujtnuj) (ta) (snigguboblib)> on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:05PM (#6011259)

SCO hopes that by causing Linux users to wipe with confidential court documents they can claim Linux users had contact with secret IP and then sue their butts off!
*ba-dum-crash*
but seriously folks...

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Re:Ebay opportunity (Score:3, Funny)

by Loosewire ( 628916 ) * writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:10PM (#6011299) Homepage Journal

hmm - since it would have gone through a shredder before becomming toilet paper it would be more like "The only toilet paper packed with hundreds of shards of metal goodness" ;-)

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END User License Agreement!! (Score:2, Funny)

by mrericn ( 446447 ) writes: <mrericn@nospam.programmer.net> on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:10PM (#6011301)

The company that is storing the reams of documents from the Microsoft case has been hired to shred the papers -- then they'll be made into toilet paper.

Woah, I gotta start reading the fine print, I had no idea that's what EULA meant.

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Re:Toilet paper...supply for the ILOO (Score:2, Funny)

by pauls2272 ( 580109 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:11PM (#6011309)

"...they'll be made into toilet paper"

For use in the new ILOO.

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utah is the trashland of the US... (Score:2, Funny)

by dougnaka ( 631080 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:11PM (#6011310) Homepage Journal

First we're slated for all the high level nuclear waste, now we get Microsoft's trash too?

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And in other news... (Score:5, Funny)

by skroz ( 7870 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:12PM (#6011317) Homepage

Bill Gates' seattle home was subject to one of the most complete "TPing" operations ever conducted. Film at 11.

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Re:I'm in Utah, and I won't use it (Score:4, Funny)

by realdpk ( 116490 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:17PM (#6011351) Homepage Journal

Hint: If you feel toilet paper in your bones, you're wiping too hard!

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Re:What is the coincidence? (Score:2, Funny)

by ThePatrioticFuck ( 640185 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:25PM (#6011407)

Look at it this way, CmdrTaco is improving. It took him 8 months to dupe this time as compared to his usual 8 minutes ;) TPF

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Re:Ebay opportunity (Score:2, Funny)

by OMEGA Power ( 651936 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:25PM (#6011408) Journal

Don't look for them on ebay. I'm pretty sure the toilet paper EULA will prohibit resale. And on a side note does anyone know what the activation procedure will be?

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iLoo reinstatement....this means (Score:5, Funny)

by A_Non_Moose ( 413034 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:29PM (#6011435) Homepage Journal

you'll need TP...or Toilet Paladium.

Don't you want your bum to be in "secure mode" to avoid virii...errr...trojans and...eeeww..backdoors?

I feel *SO* dirty (but that was 1/2 the point).

.

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Re:How ironic... (Score:5, Funny)

by molarmass192 ( 608071 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:33PM (#6011465) Homepage Journal

Get to slam MS ***and*** SCO in one wipe!!!

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Toilet paper (Score:3, Funny)

by appler ( 672410 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:36PM (#6011483)

I can't wait to wipe my ass with Microsoft. If anything connected to Gates was ever made into toilet paper, it would be the most useful thing Microsoft ever did. I like to use those little registration forms that come with your Windows CD-ROM, but they gave me a rash last time. And I hope monsters live under the beds of everyone at SCO.

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Toilet Paper vs Intellectual Property (Score:4, Funny)

by prockcore ( 543967 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:41PM (#6011510)

Hey! You got your TP in my IP! You got your IP in my TP! hmmm..

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:4, Funny)

by loquitus ( 675058 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:52PM (#6011564)

Is this paper going to be proprietary, only for use in MS-created iLoo toilets? How will they ensure compliance and introduce incompability for those of us who try to use "non-standard" products?

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

by toxcspdrmn ( 471013 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @06:59PM (#6011603) Homepage

Hi! I'm the Orifice Assistant.

You appear to be trying to wipe your bum...

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Where's the Dupe? (Score:4, Funny)

by Guppy06 ( 410832 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @07:03PM (#6011638)

CmdrTaco posting an article first just doesn't feel right...

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Great... toilet paper... with an EULA (Score:5, Funny)

by EmbeddedJanitor ( 597831 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @07:39PM (#6011876)

This paper is licensed for use on one arse.... come on help me out /.

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Re:iLoo reinstatement....this means (Score:3, Funny)

by cactopus ( 166601 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @07:46PM (#6011926)

DRM

Diarrhea Rights Management

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

by darkov ( 261309 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @07:55PM (#6012017)

Hi! I'm the Orifice Assistant.

Please, no more shitty Microsoft software.

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Re:Now I'll wonder... (Score:5, Funny)

by teamhasnoi ( 554944 ) writes: <teamhasnoi AT yahoo DOT com> on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @08:25PM (#6012206) Journal

Now I'll wonder, every time I use the john, if this piece of paper once made Microsoft embrace Unix...
(okay, so I'm stretching things just a little)
Don't wipe so hard.

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Potty Humor.... (Score:4, Funny)

by Tsali ( 594389 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @08:41PM (#6012284)

Most of it is then made into toilet paper ... so does the EULA fit on one-ply or two-ply? Do you have to break the seal by peeling the sheets apart?

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Re:The AARD code story is immortal. (Score:2, Funny)

by Red Pointy Tail ( 127601 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @09:50PM (#6012606)

However, the WIN.COM code that produced this message turned out to be XOR encrypted, self-modifying, and deliberately obfuscated--all in an apparent attempt to thwart disassembly. The code also tries to defeat attempts for a debugger to step through it.

What... they decrypted and unobfuscated it??? Sic em, DMCA! :>

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Re:try READING the article (Score:3, Funny)

by dcmeserve ( 615081 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @10:43PM (#6012805) Homepage Journal

> The 937 boxes of court-ordered documents
> .

Ok everyone, sing along:

937 boxes of court-ordered documents on the wall,
937 boxes of court-ordered documents!

Take one down, shred it around,

936 boxes of court-ordered documents on the wall!

936 boxes of court-ordered documents on the wall,
936 boxes of court-ordered documents!

Take one down, ***AGGGMMMPHHPHHH*** [wad of toilet paper shoved in mouth]

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

by unitron ( 5733 ) writes: on Wednesday May 21, 2003 @11:01PM (#6012881) Homepage Journal

You have to admit that the iLoo gives a whole new meaning to "Where do you want to go today".

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Send them here. (Score:4, Funny)

by uberdave ( 526529 ) writes: on Thursday May 22, 2003 @12:38AM (#6013222) Homepage

They can store them at my house for a mere $500 a month.

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Okay, here's a better solution (Score:3, Funny)

by MickLinux ( 579158 ) writes: on Thursday May 22, 2003 @01:47AM (#6013361) Journal

Just auction it off on ebay.

"937 boxes of documents from the SCO vs. Microsoft case; you must register this with the appropriate judge, and may not destroy it, but you can have your own little piece of Microsoft dirt! This lot contains boxes #237-244. A digitized list of the contents of each box is as follows:..."

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

by yawble ( 181792 ) writes: <whitney AT luna DOT tk> on Thursday May 22, 2003 @02:34AM (#6013493) Homepage Journal

Hi, I'm just some asshole, and I'd like this to get modded up to a +5 just to continue this amazing trend.

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Re:And in other news... (Score:3, Funny)

by zonix ( 592337 ) writes: on Thursday May 22, 2003 @05:13AM (#6013910) Journal

Oh man, and I can just imagine ol' Billy boy kicking his front door open ...

"I AM CORNHOLIO. I need T.P. for my bunghooooole. Bunghoooole!"
z

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:3, Funny)

by cgenman ( 325138 ) writes: on Thursday May 22, 2003 @10:48AM (#6015029) Homepage

Please, no more shitty Microsoft software.

You can try Open Loo, but there are privacy concerns.

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Re:Toilet paper... (Score:3, Funny)

by TCaptain ( 115352 ) writes: <slashdot.20.tcap ... m ['spa' in gap]> on Thursday May 22, 2003 @12:28PM (#6015880)

Well with OpenLoo you have to share with the world the results of your work, but if you use the iLoo, the details of what your doing get transmitted back to Microsoft for "debugging" purposes

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There may be more comments in this discussion. Without JavaScript enabled, you might want to turn on Classic Discussion System in your preferences instead.

Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

How ironic... (Score:4, Funny)

Now I'll wonder... (Score:5, Funny)

Ollie North (Score:5, Funny)

Well... (Score:5, Funny)

I'm in Utah, and I won't use it (Score:4, Funny)

Quite a sight... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:1, Funny)

Ebay opportunity (Score:3, Funny)

Re:How ironic... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ebay opportunity (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Quite a sight... (Score:2, Funny)

and in the news... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ebay opportunity (Score:3, Funny)

END User License Agreement!! (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper...supply for the ILOO (Score:2, Funny)

utah is the trashland of the US... (Score:2, Funny)

And in other news... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:I'm in Utah, and I won't use it (Score:4, Funny)

Re:What is the coincidence? (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Ebay opportunity (Score:2, Funny)

iLoo reinstatement....this means (Score:5, Funny)

Re:How ironic... (Score:5, Funny)

Toilet paper (Score:3, Funny)

Toilet Paper vs Intellectual Property (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

Where's the Dupe? (Score:4, Funny)

Great... toilet paper... with an EULA (Score:5, Funny)

Re:iLoo reinstatement....this means (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Now I'll wonder... (Score:5, Funny)

Potty Humor.... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:The AARD code story is immortal. (Score:2, Funny)

Re:try READING the article (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

Send them here. (Score:4, Funny)

Okay, here's a better solution (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:And in other news... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Toilet paper... (Score:3, Funny)

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