101 Dumbest Moments In Business

hhutkin writes "It's that time again. Business 2.0 posted their 101 Dumbest Moments in Business. Of course, they lambast Enron, but they also slam Ginger, a laptop computer made for the steering wheel of your car, Steve Ballmer dancing, and some other really dumb stuff from the past year."

Is this brilliant or stupid?

[Tri0de]

33. "We've been doubling sales every 18 months. However, when you start from zero, it takes a long while." -- Stephen Yeo, a marketing director at Windows-terminal manufacturer Wyse, explaining his company's less-than-meteoric rise, to ZDNet UK

Was this article a Beastie Boys solo project?

[darien]

Anyone else notice the article was co-written by Adam Horowitz? I guess after Hello Nasty there was only one place to go - business journalism!

Sounds familiar...

[jcsehak]

5. Proving the old business school law that says "any idiot can sell a dollar for 80 cents," online-currency company Flooz.com in July launches a special offer whereby American Express platinum cardholders can buy $1,000 of Flooz currency for just $800.

6.A month later, Flooz.com ceases processing transactions. It declares bankruptcy in November, leaving those who bought Flooz currency stuck with worthless e-dollars

Homer: Okay, I'll take $1,000
[Signs inside Itchy & Scratchy land]: "No Itchy & Scratchy bucks accepted here." "We don't take Itchy & Scratchy bucks." "Real cash only."
Homer: D'oh!

My favorites

[kingdon]

The best thing about

"33. We've been doubling sales every 18 months. However, when you start from zero, it takes a long while." -- Stephen Yeo, a marketing director at Windows-terminal manufacturer Wyse, explaining his company's less-than-meteoric rise, to ZDNet UK"

is that in marketing-speak, this is a totally normal thing to say. Only in plain english do "zero" and "double" have their mathematical meanings.

And my reaction to the "Tibet-themed bash" is why couldn't I work for one of those companies, even for a little while? All in all, I'd rather have seriousness and profits, but for a break?

But of course the most relevant to Linux is:

The Gartner Group issues trading cards featuring its analysts.

I knew I was doing something right.

[Britney]

56. Half.com places advertisements on the slips of paper inside fortune cookies at Chinese restaurants. Confusion ensues when some customers mistakenly believe that the advertisements, which offer $5 off a purchase at Half.com, actually entitle them to $5 off their dinner check.

That's exactly why I disabled "Third-party cookies" in my browser.

btw - did it say "Confucius ensues" back there?

Business2 isnt all that.

[BrookHarty]

27. Mobile Office Enterprise unveils the Express Desk, which attaches a notebook computer to the steering wheel of a car. For use only while parked, of course.

Guess they havent worked in their car before, thats a neat idea actually. It seems better than sitting sideways to work, which I have to do.

There are others where are more of thier personal view of things than actual stupidity.

14. Following in the footsteps of M.C. Hammer and a talking Chihuahua, Amazon.com CEO and Time magazine 1999 Person of the Year Jeff Bezos becomes a shill for Taco Bell in an ad that touts its chicken quesadilla as a "hot new handheld."

I keep laughing at the hot new handheld, and the other stupidly funny commericals from taco bell. Like the quesadilla is like a powertool, and geek cant understand how to use it. Kinda funny.

43. CNN 2, Fox News 2: Reporting live from Afghanistan, Geraldo Rivera implies that he's packing heat. "We refuse to be crime victims," Rivera says. "We're not the victim types. If they're going to get us, it's going to be in a gunfight."

Beats running around naked with a 20 dollar bill taped to your ass.

64. Fox News 3, CNN 2: During his sojourn in Afghanistan, Geraldo Rivera decries the deplorable living conditions in the town of Taloqan. Standing in front of a crowd of barefoot children, Rivera looks solemnly into the camera and states, "Look at the children. They haven't seen television or anything their whole lives."

They really dont like him do they...

65. Eleven years after McDonald's announces that it has started cooking its fries in "100 percent vegetable oil" -- and one month after a Seattle lawyer files suit on behalf of Hindus and vegetarians who interpreted that to mean that the fries are meat-free -- the fast-food chain concedes that the "natural flavoring" in its fries is, in fact, beef fat.

This was soo funny, as thier frys do taste damn good. Glad im not a vegan.

75. Unilever subsidiary Lipton approves an ad in which a man standing in line for communion holds a bowl of onion dip, presumably to improve the taste of the body of Christ. Under protest, Lipton withdraws the ad.

hehe

78. After two years of hype, Dean Kamen unveils Ginger, a.k.a. the Segway HT scooter. To understand why this is on our list, kindly refer to the table below.

Anyone who dis's the segway sucks. IMHO

Site gets slashdotted, cant read the rest.
Argh..

Surprise, Surprise!

[NOT-2-QUICK]

Microsoft came in at a disappointing #7 with:

7. Last May, Citizens Against Government Waste, a group that received funding from Microsoft, is caught simulating a "grassroots" campaign to get state attorneys general to drop their antitrust suit against the software giant. One detail that gives the scheme away: Some of the letters supporting Microsoft are from people who have long since died.

Personally, I can think of many other, much more comical MS events...one of my personal favorites being this [nwsource.com]...

Anyone else with any votes for stupid MS trick of the year?

102: getting slashdotted...

[blair1q]

You'd think people would prepare for this.

--Blair

Steve Ballmer dancing?!

[hobuddy]

My God, I hope they had plenty of security personnel on hand to prevent him from getting mobbed by the fans!

Give this marketing guy more money! Now!

[Nathdot]

It takes a genius to fuck up this bad :)

16. "No one will deny that Sony is a world-class hardware company, and no one would deny that Microsoft is a world-class software company. Nintendo aspires to be neither one of those things." -- Peter Main, a Nintendo marketing executive, to the San Francisco Chronicle

I must away to buy a gamecube right NOW!

:)

Re:Sounds familiar...

[minusthink]

Flooz is just like regular money only... more fun.

Re:I guess I've been living in a cave

[rjamestaylor]

What's CNN?

Ballmer dancing music video

[rnd()]

This music video of Ballmer dancing [mac.com] really isn't stupid -- it's hillarious.

...and it was made on a mac.

It was an honor just to be nominated. . .

[An Onerous Coward]

More for the list:

• Fox introduces Celebrity Boxing.
• Santa Claus, not having heard that you can't make money by giving away stuff for free, announces the IPO of North Pole Enterprises.
• Ebay refuses to hire me for their tech support.
• Mandrake realizes the obvious fact that it wouldn't be hemorraging money if everyone in the world gave it just $5, then extrapolates that into a business model.
• Slashdot realizes the obv. . . oh, never mind.
• I go out and buy a Mandrake distro out of guilt, not need.
• North Pole Enterprises announces huge layoffs. Santa gored to death by a disgruntled Blitzen.

Re:Dumbest

[GreenHell]

Yes they do, it's slashdottted, so I can't tell you what number, but they put themselves in for putting Enron's CEO on the cover as a shining example of the new economy. The issue ran the week before he resigned.

Grass Roots Campaign

[yintercept]

Some of the letters supporting Microsoft are from people who have long since died.

Come on, give Microsoft a break. When you think about it, dead people know more about grass roots than any of us; so why shouldn't they be part of a grass roots campaign?

Re:Surprise, Surprise!

[RelliK]

Some of the letters supporting Microsoft are from people who have long since died.

Oh my God! The dead have risen from their graves and are supporting Microsoft!

Re:steveb dancing...

[Anonymous Coward]

Of course it raises morale.

As in:

If that dancing dumbfuck can be #2 and worth billions, anyone can succeed here!

That kind of hope is hard to come by in this world.

Re:Ballmer dancing music video

[CaptainSuperBoy]

Oh my god.. something about that video just freaks me out.. he keeps saying "WOOOOOO DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS", and there's the blasting techno music. I can't watch it for too long, or I have the urge to jam an icepick into the face of a baby seal.

Re:Is this brilliant or stupid?

[Tackhead]

> 33. "We've been doubling sales every 18 months. However, when you start from zero, it takes a long while." -- Stephen Yeo, a marketing director at Windows-terminal manufacturer Wyse, explaining his company's less-than-meteoric rise, to ZDNet UK

So they're the brains behind :Cue:Cats!

(Sure, Enron was fucked, but you'd think they could have spared one of the 15 Enron entries for at least one CueCat story!)

I humbly submit:

102-a: Our own failure to include the :Cue:Cat on the list of 101 dumbest moments in 2001 business.

102-b: Anyone who's gullible enough to believe that the CueCat really didn't belong on the list, and especially if you don't think the omission is linked to the fact that they had lots of money to spend on print advertisements, please call us. We'll need your business plan for the 2002 list. ;-)

Re:Surprise, Surprise!

[Anonymous Coward]

"Some of the letters supporting Microsoft are from people who have long since died"

Oh puh-lease

Beats granting terrorists post-mortem naturalization.

Re:Why Boston Market Failed

[Bartmoss]

Do they use this for the NYC subway, too?