Follow Slashdot blog updates by subscribing to our blog RSS feed

 



Forgot your password?
typodupeerror
It's funny.  Laugh.

2nd Annual Poetry Spam 98

Posted by CmdrTaco
from the eggs-bacon-sausage-and-kelp dept.
guidobot writes "Its the time of year for SatireWire's 2nd Annual Poetry Spam, an event where contestants write poetry consisting entirely of quotes from spam e-mail. You can also check out the winner of last year's contest. This could be your only chance to win a contest by writing poems about earning $100,000 in 10 weeks by working at home..."
This discussion has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

2nd Annual Poetry Spam

Comments Filter:
  • my comment (Score:4, Funny)

    by faeryman (191366) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @03:59PM (#2644199) Homepage
    For $1250 I wil teach you how to get First Post! This is not a bulk mail either!
  • There are two categories in the contest - a Strictly Spam category, entirely of quotes from spam email; and a Freestyle category - poems about spam and spammers.
  • by GigsVT (208848)
    In a related story (sortof) Spamku [mit.edu]

    forged from fire and the
    cuber of the pink delights
    SPAM shines in the can

    Of course, these are about the meat, rather than the email. :)
  • by Lionel Hutts (65507) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:08PM (#2644214) Journal
    Oh, great! Now that there's a prize, professional poets'll start spamming us with sonnet verses just so they can reassemble them as poetry.
  • by Seth Finkelstein (90154) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:08PM (#2644216) Homepage Journal
    This could be your only chance to win a contest by writing poems about earning $100,000 in 10 weeks by working at home..."
    Wait a minute - are you saying that this contest is a way to MAKE MONEY FAST? :-)

    Sig: What Happened To The Censorware Project (censorware.org) [sethf.com]

  • Satisfaction guaranteed, or double your spam back?

    And there are so many tremendously evil ways of taking this... This has got to be a wonderful contest...

  • by spatrick_123 (459796) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:20PM (#2644240)
    What's next - magnetic spam for your refrigerator?
  • by kuiken (115647) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:20PM (#2644243) Homepage
    This is an evil plot from the spamlords to get us to actualy read the spam we get, instead of trashing it.
  • Entirely? (Score:3, Informative)

    by Otter (3800) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:32PM (#2644269) Journal
    an event where contestants write poetry consisting entirely of quotes from spam e-mail.

    The way the rules read to me, it doesn't have to be "entirely."

    ? For "Strictly Spam" category: your entry must use actual phrases (hopefully recognizable phrases) from actual Spam email (a.k.a. unsolicited email).
    ? For "Freestyle" category: your entry does not have to include actual phrases from Spam, but must be a poem about Spam. Poems about the Janus family of mutual funds, or Harry Potter, will not be considered.

    (Not sure if the question marks are intended or some smart quotes issue.) Kind of wimpy to me -- I'd rather entries had to be all spam with no glue.

  • An entire new activist movement could be spawned with the slogan: "don't waste mental effort that can never again be reclaimed; send only RECYCLED SPAM!"
  • Haiku (Score:2, Funny)

    by gandalf_grey (93942)
    you make much money we promise great fortune empty your account

    • you make much money
      we promise great fortune
      empty your account

      • by zbuffered (125292) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:20PM (#2644359)
        How about...

        Consolidate Debt
        Improve Your Credit Rating
        Click here for details

        or

        You've already won
        Click here and fill out the form
        We will spam you more

        or

        Do you like free sexxx?
        Give us credit card numbers!
        No, really, it's free!
  • I could view 2 winners and 2 runner ups before the site was slashdotted, but they did not in the least approach the funniness of this [petting-zoo.net] brilliant piece. It dates from 1995 or so (yes, spam already existed by that time). I do not know the original source; the linked mail dates from Jul 15 1995, maybe it is even older.

  • umm (Score:3, Funny)

    by fjordboy (169716) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:57PM (#2644316) Homepage
    Is there any rule against using SpamMimic [spammimic.com] and simply encoding a poem in spam?

    Dear E-Commerce professional ; This letter was specially
    selected to be sent to you . This is a one time mailing
    there is no need to request removal if you won't want
    any more . This mail is being sent in compliance with
    Senate bill 1624 ; Title 7 ; Section 308 ! This is
    NOT unsolicited bulk mail . Why work for somebody else
    when you can become rich within 42 months ! Have you
    ever noticed most everyone has a cellphone plus people
    love convenience ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize
    on this ! We will help you process your orders within
    seconds plus increase customer response by 120% ! You
    can begin at absolutely no cost to you . But don't
    believe us . Ms Jones of Alabama tried us and says
    "My only problem now is where to park all my cars"
    ! We assure you that we operate within all applicable
    laws ! We implore you - act now . Sign up a friend
    and you'll get a discount of 20% ! Best regards . Dear
    Decision maker ; Especially for you - this cutting-edge
    announcement . If you no longer wish to receive our
    publications simply reply with a Subject: of "REMOVE"
    and you will immediately be removed from our directory
    . This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1623 ; Title 9 , Section 302 . This is not a get
    rich scheme ! Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich within 10 months ! Have you ever noticed
    nobody is getting any younger & people will do almost
    anything to avoid mailing their bills ! Well, now is
    your chance to capitalize on this ! WE will help YOU
    process your orders within seconds plus SELL MORE .
    You can begin at absolutely no cost to you ! But don't
    believe us ! Mrs Jones of Hawaii tried us and says
    "My only problem now is where to park all my cars"
    ! We are a BBB member in good standing ! We beseech
    you - act now ! Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount
    of 40% . Best regards . Dear Salaryman ; This letter
    was specially selected to be sent to you ! We will
    comply with all removal requests . This mail is being
    sent in compliance with Senate bill 1625 ; Title 6
    ; Section 302 . This is different than anything else
    you've seen ! Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich within 33 days . Have you ever noticed
    most everyone has a cellphone and people love convenience
    ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize on this !
    We will help you use credit cards on your website plus
    deliver goods right to the customer's doorstep . You
    are guaranteed to succeed because we take all the risk
    ! But don't believe us ! Ms Jones who resides in Indiana
    tried us and says "My only problem now is where to
    park all my cars" . This offer is 100% legal ! Do not
    delay - order today ! Sign up a friend and you get
    half off . Thanks ! Dear Salaryman ; We know you are
    interested in receiving amazing announcement . If you
    no longer wish to receive our publications simply reply
    with a Subject: of "REMOVE" and you will immediately
    be removed from our mailing list . This mail is being
    sent in compliance with Senate bill 2216 ; Title 1
    , Section 306 . This is not a get rich scheme . Why
    work for somebody else when you can become rich within
    82 weeks ! Have you ever noticed nobody is getting
    any younger plus most everyone has a cellphone . Well,
    now is your chance to capitalize on this ! WE will
    help YOU increase customer response by 170% and SELL
    MORE ! You can begin at absolutely no cost to you !
    But don't believe us ! Mr Anderson who resides in Utah
    tried us and says "I was skeptical but it worked for
    me" . We are licensed to operate in all states ! We
    beseech you - act now ! Sign up a friend and you'll
    get a discount of 60% ! Cheers ! Dear Salaryman , Especially
    for you - this hot news . This is a one time mailing
    there is no need to request removal if you won't want
    any more . This mail is being sent in compliance with
    Senate bill 2416 , Title 1 , Section 308 . This is
    not a get rich scheme . Why work for somebody else
    when you can become rich inside 92 days . Have you
    ever noticed nobody is getting any younger and most
    everyone has a cellphone ! Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this ! We will help you use credit
    cards on your website plus sell more . The best thing
    about our system is that it is absolutely risk free
    for you . But don't believe us ! Ms Anderson of Kentucky
    tried us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We are
    a BBB member in good standing ! Do not delay - order
    today . Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount
    of 40% . Thanks . Dear Friend , Your email address
    has been submitted to us indicating your interest in
    our letter ! We will comply with all removal requests
    . This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1620 ; Title 5 ; Section 304 ! Do NOT confuse
    us with Internet scam artists ! Why work for somebody
    else when you can become rich as few as 97 months !
    Have you ever noticed people love convenience & nobody
    is getting any younger . Well, now is your chance to
    capitalize on this . WE will help YOU decrease perceived
    waiting time by 160% and SELL MORE . The best thing
    about our system is that it is absolutely risk free
    for you . But don't believe us ! Mr Simpson of Maine
    tried us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" . We are
    licensed to operate in all states ! So make yourself
    rich now by ordering immediately . Sign up a friend
    and you get half off . Best regards ! Dear Cybercitizen
    ; This letter was specially selected to be sent to
    you . If you are not interested in our publications
    and wish to be removed from our lists, simply do NOT
    respond and ignore this mail . This mail is being sent
    in compliance with Senate bill 1623 ; Title 4 , Section
    304 . THIS IS NOT MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING . Why work
    for somebody else when you can become rich within 39
    days . Have you ever noticed most everyone has a cellphone
    & people will do almost anything to avoid mailing their
    bills ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize on this
    ! We will help you process your orders within seconds
    plus sell more . You can begin at absolutely no cost
    to you . But don't believe us . Mr Jones who resides
    in Massachusetts tried us and says "Now I'm rich many
    more things are possible" ! We assure you that we operate
    within all applicable laws ! We IMPLORE you - act now
    ! Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount of 10%
    ! Cheers . Dear Decision maker , Your email address
    has been submitted to us indicating your interest in
    our briefing ! If you no longer wish to receive our
    publications simply reply with a Subject: of "REMOVE"
    and you will immediately be removed from our directory
    ! This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1623 , Title 1 ; Section 309 ! This is not multi-level
    marketing ! Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich as few as 62 weeks ! Have you ever noticed
    the baby boomers are more demanding than their parents
    and people love convenience ! Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this . WE will help YOU SELL MORE
    and use credit cards on your website ! You are guaranteed
    to succeed because we take all the risk ! But don't
    believe us ! Ms Jones of New Mexico tried us and says
    "I was skeptical but it worked for me" ! We are licensed
    to operate in all states ! So make yourself rich now
    by ordering immediately ! Sign up a friend and you'll
    get a discount of 80% ! Thank-you for your serious
    consideration of our offer ! Dear Web surfer , Especially
    for you - this hot intelligence . We will comply with
    all removal requests ! This mail is being sent in compliance
    with Senate bill 1618 ; Title 2 ; Section 309 . This
    is not a get rich scheme ! Why work for somebody else
    when you can become rich in 50 MONTHS . Have you ever
    noticed how long the line-ups are at bank machines
    and people love convenience ! Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this ! WE will help YOU SELL MORE
    and turn your business into an E-BUSINESS ! You can
    begin at absolutely no cost to you ! But don't believe
    us . Ms Simpson who resides in Florida tried us and
    says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We assure you that
    we operate within all applicable laws ! You have no
    reason not to act now . Sign up a friend and you'll
    get a discount of 30% . Thank-you for your serious
    consideration of our offer . Dear Friend , This letter
    was specially selected to be sent to you . If you are
    not interested in our publications and wish to be removed
    from our lists, simply do NOT respond and ignore this
    mail ! This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1621 ; Title 3 , Section 308 ! This is not a get
    rich scheme . Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich within 31 days ! Have you ever noticed
    nobody is getting any younger plus more people than
    ever are surfing the web . Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this . WE will help YOU use credit
    cards on your website & turn your business into an
    E-BUSINESS . You can begin at absolutely no cost to
    you . But don't believe us ! Prof Ames of Idaho tried
    us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We are a BBB
    member in good standing . We implore you - act now
    ! Sign up a friend and your friend will be rich too
    . Warmest regards ! Dear Sir or Madam , You made the
    right decision when you signed up for our club . If
    you are not interested in our publications and wish
    to be removed from our lists, simply do NOT respond
    and ignore this mail ! This mail is being sent in compliance
    with Senate bill 2516 ; Title 6 , Section 301 . THIS
    IS NOT MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING ! Why work for somebody
    else when you can become rich as few as 38 DAYS ! Have
    you ever noticed people love convenience plus nearly
    every commercial on telev..... and this goes on and on.....
    • I decoded this:

      "I dwell in a lonely house I know That vanished many a summer ago, And left no trace but the cellar walls, And a cellar in"

      Why don't you post the whole message?
      • Re:umm (Score:2, Interesting)

        by fjordboy (169716)
        I originally encoded the whole thing and was going to paste it all in, but it was far too large...so i just arbitrarily cut off a whole bunch so poeple could at least get the jist...did you recognize the poem? Tis "Ghost House" by Robert Frost.
  • Amusingly, when going to last year's winning entry I was presented with a banner (to advertising.com) suggesting that if it was flashing then I'd been selected to make money from home. Of course, it was flashing bright red.

    =:-)

  • by G00F (241765)
    This looks like a way to promote spam more than anything else.

    Ya, lets get all those messages we do not want, and READ them, and spend more time on them in making poetry out of it.
    • "This looks like a way to promote spam more than anything else"

      Not really; at least no more than the funny and creative things that people do with AOL CD's have anything to do with the promotion of AOL
  • by uriyan (176677) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:08PM (#2644334)
    Shall I compare thee to bits of stone?
    You serve less purpose, and cause much more trouble
    The stone doth stay when roughest winds are gone
    But when IPs are traced, you're already on the double

    Sometimes too slow the mail servers are
    And often is their total bandwith dimm'd
    By thine empty headers who bring far
    Less money than to you it must have seemed

    But thy eternal spam-fest will not pass
    Nor will you lose those d4rk-IPz j00 0wn
    Nor shall /dev/null contain all your tries
    To make some money, since your work's really worth none

    So long as l4m3rs live and traffic's free
    So long lives spam, and spam gives life to thee
  • Darn.. (Score:2, Funny)

    by proxima (165692)
    I knew I shouldn't have deleted all of my spam from the past year. I guess it's time to randomly place my e-mail address on newsgroups to get enough spam in the next few weeks to write some good poetry.
    • Re:Darn.. (Score:2, Interesting)

      by Cam Wheeler (145226)
      Thats ok. Just sign up for a new ms hotmail account and you'll have enough spam to write the spam equivilant of War and Peace by the time the competition ends.

      "The two greatest warriors are time and patience: they will do everything, and your real university diploma is waiting for an individual like yourself"
  • Here's your chance to use all that spam to win the gifts of your dreams. Thats right, the 20 dollars a month you are spending for a 56K busy signal could be your ticket to not one but TWO tshirts, a hat, a coffee mug, and that's not all... If you enter now(and win), we'll throw in a mousepad for free. We know it sounds too good to be true, but you too can glory in the riches this contests offers. Hurry, there is no time to waste, enter now!

    Offer valid in 49 states, sorry Tennessee!


  • This would go good with a contest to see who could create the best mosaic of Bill Gates made solely out of banner ads. Kind of like a visual icon of the 21st century om tribute to what the internet has become. Spam poetry in the morning artshow in the afternoon....Webcast only $4.95 -- if you have the newest quicktime viewer that is....

  • finally... (Score:3, Funny)

    by gtx (204552) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:31PM (#2644377) Homepage
    a use for all this goddamn (previously) useless crap that has been piling up for the last year or so... and to think i was just going to delete it.

    I HAVE ENOUGH SPAM COLLECTED TO FUCKING RECREATE THE ENTIRE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE*

    time to get to work

    *this, of course, is assuming that hamlet said things like "Add 2-3 inches to your penis INSTANTLY" or "THIS IS NOT MLM!!!" or "According to UNITED STATES LAW, this email cannot be considered spam..."
  • by BierGuzzl (92635) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:46PM (#2644409)
    Get em as they stand up to claim damages due to copyright violations!

  • This contest demonstrates the literary value of spam, so... spam is good! We ought to embrace it. The winning poem ought to be mailed out to as many email addresess as possible.

    The opensource movement ought to contribute all of the addresses from all mailing lists, from all website registrations, from slashdot and freshmeat, and anywhere else.

    The winning poem, which no doubt will be pretty damn funny, ought to be turned into a chain letter, requesting that you forward it to 12 friends. Furthermore, it ought to have a viral attachment that, when opened, mails it out to everyone in your address book.

    With the collective might of the opensource movement behind it the resulting mailstorm ought to bring the net to its knees.
  • ... it lends legitmacy to spam... oh well
    • ENLARGE YOUR PENIS SO THAT YOU CAN USE IT AS A WEAPON ! geesh ! at least you can give them creativity. they are getting better by the day !
  • by GreggBert (89663) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @06:49PM (#2644584) Homepage Journal
    I should use the spam that has been splattering into my inbox over the last week "Increase your ejaculation volume by 581% !!!". I could probably base a poem on that one. I would know how to start. That part is easy. I'm just not sure I could stop.
  • Now I understand why I started archiving all the spam I received back in Dec 1999... This should be a cool project. Alas, I stopped collecting and started using filters in Sept 2000.


  • I have to check my Hotmail account.
  • I work around a bunch of poetry MFAs (Masters of Fine Arts. I mean...Mother-f-ing A-holes), and quite frankly, they could learn a thing or two from these spammers. The idea of teaching someone to write good poetry just seems random to me, so my hats off to the PoetrySpam to expose these wannabe poets for what they are.

    But that's just me ranting.
  • And here I just emptied out my email Trash. There goes all my material! (And what poor Miss Cleo must think of me, with me never calling her and all!)

    Oh well. Better luck next year, I suppose.

    • And here I just emptied out my email Trash

      I guess I could help you out by setting my filters to forward all my spam to you. Would you also like the messages people send to me in order to have my advice?

      • Uh, no, that's OK, I'm fine. No, really. Please, don't trouble yourself. HEY, LOOK, JUST BACK OFF MAN!!!!
        • Too late, I already forwarded the contents of my deleted items folder to you. I figured 237 spamagrams would really get you started. :)

          Some great material there, let's see:

          Take the vacation you've always dreamed of
          JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS ARE WAITING FOR YOU
          Our service is TOTALLY FREE
          Your satisfaction is guaranteed
          We help you every step of the way
          Start enjoying your new lifestyle today
          [Burma Shave]

          Dr. Mutex didn't really send all that junk to the Cap'n--but the threat^h^h^h^h^h^hoffer still stands
  • Check out the winner and runners-up. There is no meter, there are no rhymes. This is just spliced quotes in moderately humorous arrangement. Maybe this year's will have a real poem?
  • I send you this poem in order to have your XXX PINK TEENS 100% FREE!
  • I was given your name as someone who has business sense
    and would be interested in a great opportunity.

    This is the letter you have been hearing about on the news lately.

    Stop creditors calling you on the phone
    Help avoid bankruptcy

    You do not need another loan
    No Application Fee, No Setup Fee

    As a selected guest we are making this special offer to you.
    ** NEVER BEFORE SEEN **

    Before you say ''Bull'', please read the following.
    YOUR FINANCIAL DREAMS WILL COME TRUE, GUARANTEED!

    Achieve financial success.
    Enjoy life again

    We can help. Come see how
    GUARANTEED, or your money back

    BE A MILLIONAIRE LIKE OTHERS WITHIN A YEAR!!!
    Click Here for info!
  • Top spam in my trash:
    sender: Admissions--Sessions.edu [beatrixs@sessions.edu]

    "Dear Naomi,
    BOO!!! Halloween is just around the corner and Sessie, the design ghost, wanted to wish you a HAPPY HALLOWEEN by offering you 10% off all of our courses and programs! Although Halloween is traditionally for children, big kids deserve a treat too, and with Sessie's help you'll be creating web pages, flash presentations, or company logos in no time!"

    Sure, I'm not laughing. "Sessie, the design ghost"? some people..

In the sciences, we are now uniquely priviledged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand. -- Gerald Holton

Working...