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2nd Annual Poetry Spam 98

Posted by CmdrTaco
from the eggs-bacon-sausage-and-kelp dept.
guidobot writes "Its the time of year for SatireWire's 2nd Annual Poetry Spam, an event where contestants write poetry consisting entirely of quotes from spam e-mail. You can also check out the winner of last year's contest. This could be your only chance to win a contest by writing poems about earning $100,000 in 10 weeks by working at home..."
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2nd Annual Poetry Spam

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  • my comment (Score:4, Funny)

    by faeryman (191366) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @03:59PM (#2644199) Homepage
    For $1250 I wil teach you how to get First Post! This is not a bulk mail either!
  • by Lionel Hutts (65507) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:08PM (#2644214) Journal
    Oh, great! Now that there's a prize, professional poets'll start spamming us with sonnet verses just so they can reassemble them as poetry.
  • by Seth Finkelstein (90154) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:08PM (#2644216) Homepage Journal
    This could be your only chance to win a contest by writing poems about earning $100,000 in 10 weeks by working at home..."
    Wait a minute - are you saying that this contest is a way to MAKE MONEY FAST? :-)

    Sig: What Happened To The Censorware Project (censorware.org) [sethf.com]

  • by spatrick_123 (459796) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:20PM (#2644240)
    What's next - magnetic spam for your refrigerator?
  • by kuiken (115647) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:20PM (#2644243) Homepage
    This is an evil plot from the spamlords to get us to actualy read the spam we get, instead of trashing it.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:35PM (#2644271)
    Rhyming is not being poetic anymore,
    Modern poetry needs to have substance.
    Substance is the hidden theme,
    inside a cryptic poem.

    Poems are very much alike cyrptography
    in this regard.
  • Haiku (Score:2, Funny)

    by gandalf_grey (93942) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:38PM (#2644278) Homepage
    you make much money we promise great fortune empty your account

  • by gandalf_grey (93942) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:40PM (#2644285) Homepage
    you make much money
    we promise great fortune
    empty your account

  • umm (Score:3, Funny)

    by fjordboy (169716) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @04:57PM (#2644316) Homepage
    Is there any rule against using SpamMimic [spammimic.com] and simply encoding a poem in spam?

    Dear E-Commerce professional ; This letter was specially
    selected to be sent to you . This is a one time mailing
    there is no need to request removal if you won't want
    any more . This mail is being sent in compliance with
    Senate bill 1624 ; Title 7 ; Section 308 ! This is
    NOT unsolicited bulk mail . Why work for somebody else
    when you can become rich within 42 months ! Have you
    ever noticed most everyone has a cellphone plus people
    love convenience ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize
    on this ! We will help you process your orders within
    seconds plus increase customer response by 120% ! You
    can begin at absolutely no cost to you . But don't
    believe us . Ms Jones of Alabama tried us and says
    "My only problem now is where to park all my cars"
    ! We assure you that we operate within all applicable
    laws ! We implore you - act now . Sign up a friend
    and you'll get a discount of 20% ! Best regards . Dear
    Decision maker ; Especially for you - this cutting-edge
    announcement . If you no longer wish to receive our
    publications simply reply with a Subject: of "REMOVE"
    and you will immediately be removed from our directory
    . This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1623 ; Title 9 , Section 302 . This is not a get
    rich scheme ! Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich within 10 months ! Have you ever noticed
    nobody is getting any younger & people will do almost
    anything to avoid mailing their bills ! Well, now is
    your chance to capitalize on this ! WE will help YOU
    process your orders within seconds plus SELL MORE .
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    ! We are a BBB member in good standing ! We beseech
    you - act now ! Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount
    of 40% . Best regards . Dear Salaryman ; This letter
    was specially selected to be sent to you ! We will
    comply with all removal requests . This mail is being
    sent in compliance with Senate bill 1625 ; Title 6
    ; Section 302 . This is different than anything else
    you've seen ! Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich within 33 days . Have you ever noticed
    most everyone has a cellphone and people love convenience
    ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize on this !
    We will help you use credit cards on your website plus
    deliver goods right to the customer's doorstep . You
    are guaranteed to succeed because we take all the risk
    ! But don't believe us ! Ms Jones who resides in Indiana
    tried us and says "My only problem now is where to
    park all my cars" . This offer is 100% legal ! Do not
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    half off . Thanks ! Dear Salaryman ; We know you are
    interested in receiving amazing announcement . If you
    no longer wish to receive our publications simply reply
    with a Subject: of "REMOVE" and you will immediately
    be removed from our mailing list . This mail is being
    sent in compliance with Senate bill 2216 ; Title 1
    , Section 306 . This is not a get rich scheme . Why
    work for somebody else when you can become rich within
    82 weeks ! Have you ever noticed nobody is getting
    any younger plus most everyone has a cellphone . Well,
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    for you - this hot news . This is a one time mailing
    there is no need to request removal if you won't want
    any more . This mail is being sent in compliance with
    Senate bill 2416 , Title 1 , Section 308 . This is
    not a get rich scheme . Why work for somebody else
    when you can become rich inside 92 days . Have you
    ever noticed nobody is getting any younger and most
    everyone has a cellphone ! Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this ! We will help you use credit
    cards on your website plus sell more . The best thing
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    a BBB member in good standing ! Do not delay - order
    today . Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount
    of 40% . Thanks . Dear Friend , Your email address
    has been submitted to us indicating your interest in
    our letter ! We will comply with all removal requests
    . This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1620 ; Title 5 ; Section 304 ! Do NOT confuse
    us with Internet scam artists ! Why work for somebody
    else when you can become rich as few as 97 months !
    Have you ever noticed people love convenience & nobody
    is getting any younger . Well, now is your chance to
    capitalize on this . WE will help YOU decrease perceived
    waiting time by 160% and SELL MORE . The best thing
    about our system is that it is absolutely risk free
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    tried us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" . We are
    licensed to operate in all states ! So make yourself
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    and you get half off . Best regards ! Dear Cybercitizen
    ; This letter was specially selected to be sent to
    you . If you are not interested in our publications
    and wish to be removed from our lists, simply do NOT
    respond and ignore this mail . This mail is being sent
    in compliance with Senate bill 1623 ; Title 4 , Section
    304 . THIS IS NOT MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING . Why work
    for somebody else when you can become rich within 39
    days . Have you ever noticed most everyone has a cellphone
    & people will do almost anything to avoid mailing their
    bills ! Well, now is your chance to capitalize on this
    ! We will help you process your orders within seconds
    plus sell more . You can begin at absolutely no cost
    to you . But don't believe us . Mr Jones who resides
    in Massachusetts tried us and says "Now I'm rich many
    more things are possible" ! We assure you that we operate
    within all applicable laws ! We IMPLORE you - act now
    ! Sign up a friend and you'll get a discount of 10%
    ! Cheers . Dear Decision maker , Your email address
    has been submitted to us indicating your interest in
    our briefing ! If you no longer wish to receive our
    publications simply reply with a Subject: of "REMOVE"
    and you will immediately be removed from our directory
    ! This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1623 , Title 1 ; Section 309 ! This is not multi-level
    marketing ! Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich as few as 62 weeks ! Have you ever noticed
    the baby boomers are more demanding than their parents
    and people love convenience ! Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this . WE will help YOU SELL MORE
    and use credit cards on your website ! You are guaranteed
    to succeed because we take all the risk ! But don't
    believe us ! Ms Jones of New Mexico tried us and says
    "I was skeptical but it worked for me" ! We are licensed
    to operate in all states ! So make yourself rich now
    by ordering immediately ! Sign up a friend and you'll
    get a discount of 80% ! Thank-you for your serious
    consideration of our offer ! Dear Web surfer , Especially
    for you - this hot intelligence . We will comply with
    all removal requests ! This mail is being sent in compliance
    with Senate bill 1618 ; Title 2 ; Section 309 . This
    is not a get rich scheme ! Why work for somebody else
    when you can become rich in 50 MONTHS . Have you ever
    noticed how long the line-ups are at bank machines
    and people love convenience ! Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this ! WE will help YOU SELL MORE
    and turn your business into an E-BUSINESS ! You can
    begin at absolutely no cost to you ! But don't believe
    us . Ms Simpson who resides in Florida tried us and
    says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We assure you that
    we operate within all applicable laws ! You have no
    reason not to act now . Sign up a friend and you'll
    get a discount of 30% . Thank-you for your serious
    consideration of our offer . Dear Friend , This letter
    was specially selected to be sent to you . If you are
    not interested in our publications and wish to be removed
    from our lists, simply do NOT respond and ignore this
    mail ! This mail is being sent in compliance with Senate
    bill 1621 ; Title 3 , Section 308 ! This is not a get
    rich scheme . Why work for somebody else when you can
    become rich within 31 days ! Have you ever noticed
    nobody is getting any younger plus more people than
    ever are surfing the web . Well, now is your chance
    to capitalize on this . WE will help YOU use credit
    cards on your website & turn your business into an
    E-BUSINESS . You can begin at absolutely no cost to
    you . But don't believe us ! Prof Ames of Idaho tried
    us and says "Now I'm rich, Rich, RICH" ! We are a BBB
    member in good standing . We implore you - act now
    ! Sign up a friend and your friend will be rich too
    . Warmest regards ! Dear Sir or Madam , You made the
    right decision when you signed up for our club . If
    you are not interested in our publications and wish
    to be removed from our lists, simply do NOT respond
    and ignore this mail ! This mail is being sent in compliance
    with Senate bill 2516 ; Title 6 , Section 301 . THIS
    IS NOT MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING ! Why work for somebody
    else when you can become rich as few as 38 DAYS ! Have
    you ever noticed people love convenience plus nearly
    every commercial on telev..... and this goes on and on.....
  • by uriyan (176677) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:08PM (#2644334)
    Shall I compare thee to bits of stone?
    You serve less purpose, and cause much more trouble
    The stone doth stay when roughest winds are gone
    But when IPs are traced, you're already on the double

    Sometimes too slow the mail servers are
    And often is their total bandwith dimm'd
    By thine empty headers who bring far
    Less money than to you it must have seemed

    But thy eternal spam-fest will not pass
    Nor will you lose those d4rk-IPz j00 0wn
    Nor shall /dev/null contain all your tries
    To make some money, since your work's really worth none

    So long as l4m3rs live and traffic's free
    So long lives spam, and spam gives life to thee
  • Darn.. (Score:2, Funny)

    by proxima (165692) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:11PM (#2644341)
    I knew I shouldn't have deleted all of my spam from the past year. I guess it's time to randomly place my e-mail address on newsgroups to get enough spam in the next few weeks to write some good poetry.
  • Here's your chance to use all that spam to win the gifts of your dreams. Thats right, the 20 dollars a month you are spending for a 56K busy signal could be your ticket to not one but TWO tshirts, a hat, a coffee mug, and that's not all... If you enter now(and win), we'll throw in a mousepad for free. We know it sounds too good to be true, but you too can glory in the riches this contests offers. Hurry, there is no time to waste, enter now!

    Offer valid in 49 states, sorry Tennessee!
  • by zbuffered (125292) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:20PM (#2644359)
    How about...

    Consolidate Debt
    Improve Your Credit Rating
    Click here for details

    or

    You've already won
    Click here and fill out the form
    We will spam you more

    or

    Do you like free sexxx?
    Give us credit card numbers!
    No, really, it's free!
  • finally... (Score:3, Funny)

    by gtx (204552) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:31PM (#2644377) Homepage
    a use for all this goddamn (previously) useless crap that has been piling up for the last year or so... and to think i was just going to delete it.

    I HAVE ENOUGH SPAM COLLECTED TO FUCKING RECREATE THE ENTIRE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE*

    time to get to work

    *this, of course, is assuming that hamlet said things like "Add 2-3 inches to your penis INSTANTLY" or "THIS IS NOT MLM!!!" or "According to UNITED STATES LAW, this email cannot be considered spam..."
  • by BierGuzzl (92635) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @05:46PM (#2644409)
    Get em as they stand up to claim damages due to copyright violations!
  • by 3th3rn3t (245106) <<moc.pmipe> <ta> <tenrehte>> on Sunday December 02, 2001 @06:49PM (#2644583) Homepage
    ENLARGE YOUR PENIS SO THAT YOU CAN USE IT AS A WEAPON ! geesh ! at least you can give them creativity. they are getting better by the day !
  • by GreggBert (89663) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @06:49PM (#2644584) Homepage Journal
    I should use the spam that has been splattering into my inbox over the last week "Increase your ejaculation volume by 581% !!!". I could probably base a poem on that one. I would know how to start. That part is easy. I'm just not sure I could stop.
  • by TypoDaemon (43268) on Sunday December 02, 2001 @08:33PM (#2644941)
    yeah - with five times the ejaculation volume, i don't think i'd be able to stop for a while either. ;)

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