Follow Slashdot blog updates by subscribing to our blog RSS feed

 


Forgot your password?
Close
typodupeerror
×
User Journal

Journal eugene ts wong's Journal: Defriending Em Emalb For Legitimate Reasons 45

Journal by eugene ts wong

I think that I'd like to make an official record of why I might defriend somebody. In the last little while, I decided to try to let people know why I might defriend them so that they won't be left wondering. It is also a good chance to influence somebody who may also be contemplating this. This isn't meant to be some eloquent rant about anything, although I wouldn't be surprised if it turned into it.

I suppose that I'm beating a dead horse, but I can't stop thinking about this.

It started a while ago, when I noticed Em changing a bit in the way that he does his journal entries. Obviously, you all must think that he has been consistent, but I feel [not believe] that he hasn't been as friendly lately. I kind of kept my distance.

Later on, I decided to try to get in touch with him, in hopes of developing a friendship. It would be a good opportunity to get to know him. It'd be away from slashdot, & thus be a good chance for him to relax a bit. Also, it would be a good chance for me to develop my social skills. In other words, this is what I was thinking.

I sent a message to him & to SamTheButcher, but neither of them replied to me. I tried to forget about it, because I wanted to respect their privacy, & try to take a hint.

Later on, they said something [I can't remember what], & so I decided to try 1 more time, just in case they never got the message. Both of them claimed that they never got the message. Both said to send an email. Both warned that they wouldn't be online all the time. Fair enough. After emailing them, I got absolutely no response from either of them. Well, actually, Sam said that he added me to his IM list, & that he would contact me when he got online or something like that, but what he said is kind of irrelevant because he never did get in touch with me after that.

1 day, much later on, I browse the journal community only to see a post by Em with only a green dot beside his name. I figure that the system must be goofing up again. I remember stories of people having their friends or fans lists being erased. I seem to recall that I had something similar where it appeared that way, but that I actually had them on my list still. So, I check both of his lists & my lists to be sure. Sure enough, our lists are fine.

I was honestly stunned. He said in his journal entry long time ago that he friends people to read their journal entries. I suppose that I might have been kind of negative lately, since someone mentioned that I've been kind of depressed lately. However, that doesn't fit in with the Em that I thought I knew. I mean he's going through difficulties. I'm going through difficulties. Surely he'd understand. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe I said something political or religious to offend him. Fair enough. So, I decide to ask him about it.

I wish that I knew where the thread is, so that you could see it with your own eyes. I can't remember it all, but he said that he'd rather not discuss it, if it was okay with me. Fair enough. I didn't appreciate reading that. I didn't appreciate being treated like that. I felt that I honestly treated him with a lot of respect. I never saw him only as a poll master. I never held expectations of him except for general courtesies & for moral issues. Yet, this is the way that he wanted to defriend me. Alright. Fair enough. I want to give people space to make unpleasant decisions. My rules don't always work out in my favour, even if they always work properly. So, I tried to end it on a pleasant note, making mention that I probably wouldn't be keeping him on my friends list for more than a month. I treat most slashdotters as penpals: if you don't want to keep in touch through the journals, then there isn't much that I can do. Take note that I do understand that it isn't always about friending each other, but for the most part, that's the way that I try to treat most slashdotters.

All of a sudden this joke happens. I say to myself, "You know, this makes sense. After all, the guy that I met in 2002 seems totally different than the Em that I know now.".

Of course, we all know how things turned out. I read your lectures. I know what you all think. So be it.

That's why I'm defriending him. Frankly speaking, if you're on the fence, then I'd encourage you to do likewise.

I'll defriend Bethanie also, because I'm just not interested in reading her journals anymore.

I'll defriend Sam as well because he's been kind quiet towards me. He's not necessarily being rude. I also understand that he's been going through a lot, but I'm not interested in being treated like this all the time. He either won't or can't even contact me. That's fine.

In short, I'm defriending various people, each for their own reason.

This all reminds me of church. I'm just not interested in trying anymore. I'm tired of always being told about what I can do & how I can improve, & what I owe others, yet nobody actually seems to step up to the plate to bat for me. People are great @ pointing out flaws, then inspiring you with the desire to do something, yet never provide the opportunity nor the instruction on how to make improvements. It's like I'm always forced to live in my past.

This discussion has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Defriending Em Emalb For Legitimate Reasons More

Defriending Em Emalb For Legitimate Reasons

Comments Filter:
  • Sorry that you've been having these experiences Eugene. I guess I was a little naive in thinking that we all genuinely cared for each other on here. I'm not judging you, Sam, Em, or anyone because there are different sides to a story and we all have important things to deal with; however, I guess it's the same as always in that people don't always get along with everyone.... I just feel badly that you are probably feeling hurt by your experiences.

    I tend to be able to enjoy lots of different people as lo
    • Oops, to friend me on MSN, use my real email: rejohnson@pobox.com
      • for some reason- even though i know it's a recent nickname- i was expecting 'smoochybear.'

        I'm pilgrimdragon @hotmail, if you wanna add me.

        I think that one of the - oh, hell. Look, eugene- i care about you. I like you. I think you're sweet and genuine and wonderful, and i think that you get hurt easily by something that happens too commonly online. You'll notice i DIDN'T say, 'too easily." No. Because it's not good or bad, it's you, and you're oke. You just are more easily hurt by perceived slights and soc
        • Hi Sol.

          Thanks for your encouragement. It really does help.

          I understand why you de-friended Em. I hope that you understand why i keep him friended.

          And Bethanie, too. And Sam. And so on.

          No, no. I understand. I don't want anybody to defriend them just because I'm going through this. It would become very messy. It was said in the heat of the moment & only to people who are undecided. If you already decided, then no worries.

          I expect that enemies [not that they are my enemies] would share common friends. I

    • Hi btlzu2 [heh, heh! I got it right! ;^)].

      Sorry that you've been having these experiences Eugene.

      Thanks for your thoughts & concern. I really appreciate it.

      I'm not judging you, Sam, Em, or anyone because there are different sides to a story and we all have important things to deal with; however, I guess it's the same as always in that people don't always get along with everyone....

      Yeah, I agree. I really don't want to judge them. That is why I wanted to get some feedback from them. It hurts. It perplexe

  • I'm making a backup copy of the journal entry to show people the original. I want it to be marked in stone, due to the gravity of this discussion. I don't want you to rely on my word.

    I know that this sounds silly, but I want to do it just in case.

    I think that I'd like to make an official record of why I might defriend somebody. In the last little while, I decided to try to let people know why I might defriend them so that they won't be left wondering. It is also a good chance to influence somebody who may

  • This all reminds me of church. I'm just not interested in trying anymore. I'm tired of always being told about what I can do & how I can improve, & what I owe others, yet nobody actually seems to step up to the plate to bat for me. People are great @ pointing out flaws, then inspiring you with the desire to do something, yet never provide the opportunity nor the instruction on how to make improvements. It's like I'm always forced to live in my past.

    Like I said with my original posts in your last
    • I wasn't speaking about you @ all. This is just the general sentiment that I get from the people that I've met in the flesh: family [especially family]; friends; fellow Bible college students, church members, etc.

      So, no, not you. Even though your views do scare me sometimes, I really appreciate being able to bounce ideas off of you. It gives me a reference point. In exchange for your help, I guess you get a chance @ winning someone over to your view. Also, it's really a benefit to me to hear you say things
      • Even though your views do scare me sometimes,

        I do have a tendency to do that. As my Meyers-Briggs personality profile pointed out, I have an obsession with the Holy and the Profane- that is, with the extremes of human behavior. NEITHER genocide or isolationism (the surrender option is really isolationism) is in keeping with my Catholicism- and I struggle with that on a day to day basis. But then again- Catholics invented Just War theory, and let's face it, the way we're currently fighting the war on t
        • Or, for that matter, the principle of porportionalism. Forgot that one. I long ago decided that as far as I was concerned, a Just War had to have a Just Enemy on the other side- otherwise the current requirements for a Just War become impossible to achieve.
  • you're a wierd dude. i don't mean that you're broken or defficient in any way. i just mean that you are unique. as it goes with wll truly unique people, some people will be attracted to you, and some will be repelled. ones that are repelled may not have anything against you, they just want to spend time doing other things.

    it's easy to assume that there are certain thoughts guiding another's actions. while these assumptions can be true, they are far from infallible. trying to learn to see the situatio
    • Thanks for your thoughts. I'm desperate for answers. Thus, I appreciate anything new that might shed light on the situation.

      Em also said that I'm weird. He said that he meant it in a good way. I took it as such.

      In my attempt @ writing the journal entry, I really tried to show that I looked @ it from his perspective. Now, I agree with what you said about not seeing it 100% from his perspective, but are you still saying that, in your opinion, I may not have looked @ it entirely correct? I guess what I'm ask
      • i'm not speaking for em, but here's a possible situation:

        you have some contact with em. to you you are attempting to engage in deep and meaningful discourse. to em it is just one of many peripheral things he's encountering while he is feeling several things in his life outlook change. the importance of these exchanges, and thus any meaning attached to them, are viewed in two totally different ways. as the initial exchange didn't make much impact on em, he didn't think much of defriending you.

        the defri
        • and i'm sometimes not sure if the feeling is mutual.
          One thing I can add to that is my interactions on Slashdot have made me more sure of myself. I used to hope for interaction from some people too when I was really excited about a conversation and when they didn't reply at all, I got insecure for a bit and then realized, "oh well, maybe they just don't click with me--there are others who do though and that's great!" So, that's a good point man.

          Try to drop me an email if you're gonna be in town subgeek (

          • One thing I can add to that is my interactions on Slashdot have made me more sure of myself.

            Me too. I'm obviously not super sure of myself right now, but slashdot has helped out quite a bit. In fact, that is 1 of the reasons that I wanted to get in touch with those guys in the 1st place.

            I used to hope for interaction from some people too when I was really excited about a conversation and when they didn't reply at all, I got insecure for a bit and then realized, "oh well, maybe they just don't click with me-

        • I'll remember that it is just a possibility for the sake of an example.

          It really does help to clear things up. I'm @ a fragile point in my life, & your explanation does help. It's strange, in that each of those events are nothing new. However, because you put these individual events together as a possible string of events, it makes sense that things like that could happen. It's no wonder that you're married.

          I mean, I'm the worst @ contacting people, so as you might assume, I probably do to others what
          • i'm glad i can help. this age (late twenties/early thirties) seems to be like "the revenge of the teenage years." almost everyone i know in this age range is dealing with issues trying to figure out who they are and what's going on. if i do anything that helps you reclaim your inner sense of peace, it helps me out too.

            It's no wonder that you're married.

            anyone can get married. the trick is being married and being happy about it. some people get married just because they feel that's what they're supp
  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • Sam,

      Off the topic of Gene's JE, how is your health? And how goes the job hunt?

      I apologize for not being very active of late, but my promotion keeps me from posting as often as I like.

      OUT
      • Comment removed based on user account deletion
        • Health: sorry to hear. Hope it gets better and QUICK.

          Job: sucks my friend. I've been there and all I can say is keep trying - something WILL come. Unfortunately I don't have anything. If I do hear of ANYTHING, then know that I will immediately let you know.

          As far as the Angels... well they're taking their time catching Oakland. I don't know if they'll make the playoffs or not, but at least it's going to be a great 6 games with Oakland between now and the end of the season.
        • I might have the need for a technical writer, if that might catch your eye. It would only be a 6 month gig. I only mention it because of the English degree, seems like it might fit. Fire me off an email at bofh31337@gmail if you want more details..

    • Aside from that, however, I don't know what we'd chat about.

      Understandable. I wasn't expecting that there'd be much to chat about, either. Why would I want to chat with you? Because if we did have free time, & chatted even for a tiny moment, & it blessed me, then it would have been worth it.

      Try not to think of it as "Why aren't you listening to me??!?", but rather as, "You know, I really do appreciate your positive qualities, & really feel that I'm missing out by not having time to spend with y

  • Over the space of the last two years since I started to get actively involved with Slashdot, I've been through several instance of following another person's writing for a while, only to find that they weren't the kind of person I'd originally taken them for. On a few occasions, the person in question has undergone a dramatic change in online persona.

    I have come to the conclusion that this is an unfortunate, but inevitable part of the online experience. You change, other people change. Without face-to-face
  • I wouldn't put too much stock in friends/foes here. /. is a big ole barrel, hard-packed with cotton that we all try to shout through to each other. Most of the time you get a muffled message and sometimes nothing but unintelligible noise comes through. It is easy to take things the wrong way because there's no way to get the complete picture of what we're all trying to say, because all the other communication avenues (pitch, tone, volume, body language, psychic vibes, etc) are missing.

    With that in mind, whe

    • Thanks for the advice. Using On Lawn is probably the best example for this situation.

      That being said, I've even defriended people that I constantly agree with because they never bring anything new to the table. I may as well use my time elsewhere.

      Thanks for spelling things out.
  • This slashdot community is large. It is diverse; much more than a typical community. We have people from around the world and in all walks of life. We have individuals with widely varying views and opinions.

    Though we are often able to put aside our differences and talk, there are still many moments of disharmony and anger. We get mad at each other. We naturally find ourselves more in tune with some and less with others. This is where the simplicity of the friend/foe system can make things difficult.

    You ma
    • Thank you as well for your advice.

      This is a natural progression of societies. People naturally grow together or apart over time.

      Yes, this is true. Groups are much like water, in that they are dynamic & unstable. If we force stability, then we tend to see real problems. Perhaps, deep down inside of me, was a guy trying to force stability where it shouldn't be.

      Maybe I'm trying to stop & consider too many possibilities because I'm afraid of failing too many times.

      I appreciate your words. I'll definit

  • In my MOST humble opinion (yes, that is my own brand of sarcasm and no you may not sell it without my express written permission) bottom line is that you may do with your account what you like. It's yours. Not mine. Not Sams. Not Ems. Yours.

    I do respect that you attempt to open a dialogue with people if there is an issue. You and I have our own "issues", but the WHOLE time there was open communication.

    I think that is one of your strengths - communication.

    So, keep doing what yer doing and being who yer

Slashdot Top Deals

An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.

Close