surreal-maitland's Journal: bouncing off the walls

the show opens tonight and i am bouncing off the walls. my focus is totally off. i was able to concentrate on work earlier today because GUI mockups require so much attention to detail that i could dissolve myself in them, but now, as the end of the day approaches, i'm trying to do some reading and it's just not happening.

i was feeling patently unattractive when i woke up this morning. actually, i've felt quite unattractive since i saw the photos from the run. granted, the costume is not the best sort of outfit for my body type and it will never be, but it just reminds me of how much more weight i have to lose. 20lb. it's a lot.

so i put on hotpants today. and i let my hair dry down. i need that reminder that i have nice legs because i can't afford to shake my confidence when i have to perform tonight. yes, it's true, i should just work through my body image issues and accept the way i look blah blah blah, but in the meantime, i'm going to engage the short-term fix and make-believe that i look like i want to whenever i'm not actually looking at pictures of myself.

i smoked last night. i shouldn't do that. my lungs hurt. well, not lungs, but breathing pathway. it feels better now than it did this morning, but there's nothing like inhaling hot smoke to make your body unhappy with you. at least i'm not hungover though.

what kind of dorkus uses /. as a replacement blog?