WolfElvendar's Journal: Getting old? Heck no!

On this day in history in 1788 Virginia Became the 10th state and in 1876 was Custer's last stand and in 1962 prayer in public school was ruled unconstitutional. Wow, that is a lot for one day.

I normally don't worry about "what happened this day" but I find that the older I get the more reflexive I get as my Birthday approaches. Yes, tomorrow I will be 29... again. You see, I plan to stay 29 till my oldest daughter catches up, then remain one year older than her, which will be interesting if she decides to do the same thing when she gets over 29. I can stay young for a very long time ;)

Young really is a state of mind. I felt much older a few years back. I had quite a bit of chronic pain in my knee and back. Oh it was nothing compared to several friends on /. but it was a lot for me. It made my lifestyle slow down... Ok, slow down more. I have always been pretty easy going (on the outside anyways.) Some of my friends used to get frustrated and ask me "do you EVER get upset?!?!?!" Those that have been around me a lot know that I do get VERY upset. My wife and ex-wife really know I get upset, but I think all spouses push each other's buttons especially the first couple years of marriage. I think it is part of the growing of a close relationship.

I used to not act upset to the point of letting people walk all over me sometimes though. I think that changed when I had kids. I'll be damned if I'm going to let them be shoved around. Now I don't mean that I'm going to break up every argument they get in to with peers, I mean adults, teachers, their mother... stuff like that. Yes I did say mother. One day I may talk about the "wonderful" person that she is, but for now, I never know if my daughter will find her way here and that would not be right.

As I have grown, I am still political. I still will use good conflict resolution skills most of the time, but I am not a doormat. I have, especially in the past couple years, stopped conceding important points in the name of keeping the peace. I will not be taken advantage of. I found this a hard process to start, as people that know you still think they can push you around, but once they learn the new rules of engagement, life becomes easier.

I think as the years go by, birthdays are a good time for reflection. How am I growing, and I'm not talking about around the middle, people ;) Do I like who I am becoming? Am I going where I want to? What about my future? Am I proud of who I am? How can I be better?

I like this kind of reflection. I am going in a direction I like. It's not the same as looking back and saying if I had done everything proper (by my definition) where would I be. That is a waste of thought. No, It's about looking at now and refining your future. What am I now and how can I be better? I know I am not a failure, but I know I still need to grow in some areas. I am happy with who I have become, but still want to be better, want to grow and learn more wisdom. That is what your memories are for. They are not to dwell on and wish you could change the past. They are to find patterns that may benefit to change. They are to shape your future, not to get lost focusing on the past.

One thing to remember, you are not a sinner. You have sinned, but that is your past. Today you are a new person and are working on the now. The now plants seeds that grow your future. The harvest you have will be worth planting good seeds now, but as far as the thistles from the past, pull them out as you harvest the fruit of the past. There is nothing else you can do about it, so why worry about that. Learn from mistakes, but don't dwell on them. That is how we grow.