maximilln's Journal: Why is life...

...so static?

What skills do I have that can advance my life?

-- I can build Linux from scratch systems.
Seemingly this is unimportant to the world as the majority of people are quite happy using MS compatible products.

-- I can write basic shell script, Pascal, and am learning C.
I haven't worked with any large scale coding projects in over ten years. My skills are rusty at best. I'm currently working on writing a small C program to aid with my automated LFS installation.

-- I am a well-rounded medicinal chemist.
Seemingly this is unimportant without a PhD. I don't have the monetary resources to fund a PhD venture. I am made ill by people with ample financial backing who preach about the availability of grants, fellowships and internships.

-- I can operate NMR equipment.
Seemingly unimportant without a PhD specific to this task.

-- I can identify and avoid pyramid schemes.
Seemingly this is unimportant since the entire US economy functions as a pyramid scheme. It takes money to make money. I am made ill by people with ample financial and legal backing who preach about copyrights and patents.

-- I have high moral and ethical values and standards.
Seemingly this in unimportant. In order to advance from poverty it seems that one must be willing to take advantage of others. I don't take advantage. On occasions where I've been presented with advantage I've been subject to such intense scrutiny that if I take it I've been punished for acting out of place or not sharing with others.

-- I can make diligent and reliable commitments to projects.
Seemingly this is unimportant because, in the past, my commitment has only served to advance the career and esteem of my managers while earning me little more than intense scrutiny and criticism for even the slightest imperfection.

In essence my good qualities have gotten me nowhere and my bad qualities have been used against me with the ferocity one would typically expect to be served to a murderer. Nothing but the worst for me. I exist seemingly only to serve others. Any attempt at self-advancement has been met with punishment from those already in financially secure environments.

My last job treated me like "the family dog". Where are my reparations? There are none. The legal system provides no protection for young single white heterosexual males without a legally defined disability. My family treated me like a "model child".

Am I slated to become an "urban hermit"? Sadly it appears so.

I don't socialize spontaneously with strangers. It has never turned out well for me yet I'm repeatedly told to "go out for a walk and see what happens" or "take a train to New York and see what happens" or "take the bus around town and see what happens". I've tried all of these things multiple times. Nothing happens.

So I continue to live without a car, stuffing my worldly possessions into a storage locker and an 8x10 spare bedroom in a small overpriced apartment that I share with a roommate.

+++ATHZ