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Journal spumoni_fettuccini's Journal: Attention all revolutionaries. 22

Journal by spumoni_fettuccini
The Beverage Liberation Front wants you!
Ethelred has unveiled his true colors and it is up to us, comrades, to defeat his tyranny. Join the proletariat in throwing off the yoke of this monarchial dictator. I nominate ICBLF as second in command based on his refusal to submit to the elitist views of the dread Ethelred drinkist pig dog. Power to the people and beverages to the base born! Send the message that the people will not tolerate this high handed view that goes against the right to mix, blend, or otherwise adulterate liquids that would normally be withheld from the worker. In the event of your death, unfriending or foeing by Ethelred you will be rewarded with the peoples honors and maybe a footnote, in a journal entry the people may never get around to writing, in the epic struggle against his maniacal standards of that which is frosty, cold [or hot and comforting] and refreshing. The line in the ice cooler has been drawn!

Side note the people are now adjourning for lunch and a cold mix of Dr, Pepper, fruit punch, Horchata and rum on the rocks, shaken not stirred.
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Attention all revolutionaries. More

Attention all revolutionaries.

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  • I command you to obey, all ye who take my side (especially the women)!

    Your reward for your loyalty to the Cause? Lots and lots of the purest, cleanest distilled water to quench your thirst. And free potshots at those we take prisoner, as we laugh haughtily in their mongrel-drink-filled faces. And sexual favors from my harem of...uh...well, I'll get back to you on that.

    Who shall join me in my quest to purify drinks everywhere?

    Well, except for margaritas.

    Signed,

    Your Imperial Sovereign Snob of Purity

    • If only you had the plagaristic abilities [slashdot.org] of our side, you might hae a chance, but as it stands, you will fall before the truly thirsty.
    • You dare to impugn upon the peoples three hour[and 4 drink, with at least 3 mixers apiece, minimum] lunch! Is there nothing your opressionist regime will not stoop to?!?! The people tire of your ultimatums and edicts of severs bonkings to the unempowered and underprivileged. Water!?! WATER?! You do know what fish do in that don't you? Hmmm... wait that might be considered a mixer in and of itself. BUT NOT MIXER ENOUGH! Repent your imperialistic was and give over power and taste buds to the people for we are
      • And just what do you have to offer our dear subjects? Coke with goat's milk? Vodka with prune juice? Dare I say...Absinth with Lime Slurpee and a twist of garlic? All with a dash of warmed-over proletarian rhetoric that bores our imperial ears?

        Pah! We shall slake our thirst on undiluted single-malt and cast your empty husk to the warhounds of fury, while our subjects watch over your ruin from the stands of our glorious imperial Coliseum, savoring the pleasures of purest gin (tonic sold separately, some as

  • Five score years ago, a great Pitcher, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Mixation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of thirsty slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering drink aparthied. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity to boring drinks. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the thirsty soul is still not free.

    One hundred years later, the life of the thirsty people is still sadl
  • You're offering a weak punch and being snooty about it! The Liberation Front of Beverages will not stand for this outrage! We demand our mixed drinks stirred so as not to mix the damage the ice and mix extra water into it!

    Dog's tongues! Otter's noses! Occelot spleens!

    ALBATROSS!
    • Patience comrade citizen . We must band together before the affront that is drinkist lest our cause fall into chaos. Once we have defeated the evil the is we can resolve our differences using those frozen plastic/metal cubes so as not to dilute our sacred beverages.
      On a related note, what flavor albatross?
      • Ack... splitter. We must maintain the purity that is our mixed drinks.

        Oh, and it's chocolate covered albatross. My own recipe, quite good if I say so myself. Try some?
        • Comrade we must band together to defeat the elitist drinkist regime. We can beat sense into each other later over our spilt differences once the evil pig-dog is overthrown and we've got some spare time on our hands... and lots of various beverages.
          Mmm. sounds like it would go great with an Absinthe lime slurpee. With or without sprinkles? How about a wafer?
          • I hadn't considered sprinkles, it seems that it might dull the hangover you'll definitely experience after an wormwood lime slurpee. I agree that our battles can come at a later date, I swear a half-legion of my finest Rouge Oliphonts to your side.
    • You're offering a weak punch and being snooty about it! The Liberation Front of Beverages will not stand for this outrage! We demand our mixed drinks stirred so as not to mix the damage the ice and mix extra water into it!

      We would like to seize this opportunity to divide and conquer^W^W^Wmake peaceful overtures to our dearest and beloved friends, the Liberation Front of Beverages, with whom we have no quarrel, yea, for whom we have the greatest of affection.

      Naturally we would grant you the right to stir

      • Well, I guess so, as the only people we hate more than the Romans^WStraight Beverages Drinkers are the fucking Beverage Liberation Front... splitters.

        And the Popular Beverage Liberation Front... splitters.

        And the Liberation Front of Beverages... splitters.

        Oh wait, not the last... that's us.
        • Ah! We gladly welcome thee into our praetorian guard to face down the evil and unjust Beverage Lily-Liver Front and dub thee Sir Loucura, Warden of the Stills.

          Rise up, O worthy knight of the Realm!

    • It is the way of the true vodka martini as told Bond himself.

      To use anything but ice in a mixed drink calling for it would be counterrevolutionary.
  • Even though large tracts of Slashdot and many old and famous posters have fallen or may fall into the grip of Ethelred and all the odious apparatus of drinkist rule, we shall not flag or fail.

    We shall go on to the end, we shall mix in Krispy Kreme, we shall mix in the bars and restaurants, we shall mix with growing confidence and growing strength on the web, we shall defend our Journals, whatever the cost may be. We shall mix in the zoo, we shall mix on the front page, we shall mix in the BSD section and

    • ...as I pace about my secret lair,
      stroking my feline fair [grantham.de]
      (the impostor whom you see here [sergioleone.net]
      shall be dealt with, free and clear)
      I ponder ways to ripen plans
      To dominate, conquer, in the van
      of my legions. What a sight!
      To bring the drinkist Power to light
      Come and join me, drinkers all
      who drink their drinks, purists' thrall
      And to our foes, wreck and ruin
      That's what we shall be a-doin'.
      • :}- We demand 1 million mixers.
        We will not rest
        Even though our cause you detest
        Alka-Seltzer mai-tais for all
        Especially those in your thrall
        scrambling to keep your platform high
        not realizing the hour for reform is nigh
        Surrender your drinkist plight
        for soon our mixist dreams will take flight
        and land squarely on your head
        till your views are all dead.
        Hey, the citizen chairman never claimed to be a poet. Isn't that against the Geneva Convention?
  • It is you who spawn food allergies.

    Nay fine citizens, do not listen to the propoganda that these things are naturally occuring, us, the drinkists, have uncovered the vast mixist plot to poison your precious bodily fluids! Do not believe their lies!

    For shame vile mixists, for shame!
    • Untrue. Come into the fold that is mixist. Yea verily by introducing small amounts of many substances do you inoculate yourself to various and sundry thingies. We spread only the joy that is discovering the abundant tastes that exist or create new experiences.

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