squaretorus's Journal: Body Hacking

Atkins diet - popular among nerdy boys - 'it's like hacking your body' says one sitting 5 feet from me.

Blood Sugar Powered Laptops - Like a dialisis machine, only it steals energy for your laptop instead of cleaning your blood so you dont need to piss.

Farting - kinda good fun. Pissing - also kinda good fun in the right circumstances. Shitting - NEVER any fun, especially after a night on the guinness and curry.

I have a challenge for all you body hackers. Give me a hack program to turn all of my waste into either piss or farts - no shit. It has to be possible.

I remember an episode of All Creatures Great and Small where the vetinery delivered some pigs and they didnt have an arse hole - so they were literally peeing poo. (he had to put them down in the end, I think the farmers teenage daughter cried and said something like 'you cant kill them just because they dont have an arse hole dad')

I dont want to pee poo. That would be manky. You'd be a laughing stock at the urinal wall in the local pub. "Here comes ST, he pisses shit you know! Never seen him use a cubical in his life!"

No. I want to digest everything I take in into gaseous compounds and water soluble compounds. Ideally with absolutely no solid traffic through my lower bowel regions at all.

I realise that my farts will probably smell pretty bad. This is ok. In the right company this can be hugely entertaining. And don't beleive the hype guys - chicks love a good fart asmuch as us! So nothing lost there.

I'd rather my pee didnt smell too bad - but its a price worth paying for never having to poo again.

This could be a David Blane stunt lasting 40 days or something, but I'd prefer a long term, never shit again program.

Okay. I think thats a gauntlet layed down. I'll eat anything, excercise any which way, and drink as much Guinness as it takes. Lets turn this into "Slashdot: News for Nerds. Who never shit solids."