jptxs's Journal: wow, it's been a long time

So, I am nuts. This is my only outlet for the insanity as I know no one can see it. Or, rather, I know that anyone who can neither cares nor can act on it. I am thinking of leaving a large, stable company in this market to go start a new one up. By the way, that' a large stable *software* company to go start up a new *software* company. I have to be nuts. There is not one shred of evidence that says this is a good idea. I am not quite happy where I am, though. The products are not doing well and the politics are preventing them from being fixed. It's lose lose. Even when I can get the right ideas to fix them I can't get the right people to support tham and vice versa.

Oh yeah. Then there's my wife. She wants another baby. We have a daughter already. She's just turned five. My wife feels that if we're to have another it's now or never. Of course, I really just don't want one at all. But I do want her to be happy. So what to do? I feel like if I don't do this with her she may be miserable on some level for the rest of our lives. However, I also feel like doing this kid thing again could make me eat a rifle. I'm just not that suited to parenthood. I put on a good show, but I'm always biting down and chanting "18 more years, 18 more years" as if I were in prison. Don't get me wrong. I love my girl. She makes my heart melt. But this is tough stuff. Now I know why the super rich go with a nanny and boarding school. All the responsability and the love mixed together makes you feel anxious all the time. Bill Cosby told me there would be days like this.

So I am nuts. As I said.