Today is Wednesday the fifteenth day of February in 2012 A.D., the day of the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit; the day of the salvation, redemption, providence, and blessing of the almighty Lord God Most High. If not today then what other day is there?
What exactly is the point of my writing all of this material? None of the people give a damn about anything unless it translates into money or control. Abusing yourselves in the pursuit of monetary security (which you will never have) or social importance (which has never made any difference) is your only purpose in life.
John the Baptist claimed to make a pilgrimage to Cairo because Herod's wife said that she would have sex with him if he did (Herod, that fat slovenly king, will never get off his fat butt to make a pilgrimage--and he's waiting for one of the ribs out of Jesus' coat to free him from any financial obligation for all of the five to ten year old girls that he's slept with). John was a wuss, though, and walked about three weeks out of town and spent his time in the circle of merry-makers with the gypsies. The gypsies gave him a brand and taught him some words, he waited another week or two, returned, and quickly did the deed with Herodius. After a while the Pharisees show up to question him, the priests say that he's not making the right sounds (because they have the speakerbox with the oscillating crystal in the temple and they _know_ what the high priest and the gatekeeper in Cairo sound like), and Herodius uses her daughter as bait to convince Herod to give her whatever she likes (in addition to half of his kingdom in exchange for the daughter's privelege). She calls for the head, the dick-head, of John the Baptist (because she should have taken a bite with her inside teeth while he was doing the deed and now she's really going to get a piece of him).
John the Baptist becomes "Stumpy" Saul who, still the son of Judas, is the agent of the master over Jesus and arrives to question Jesus about particular segments of the law at definite occasions; such as after Jesus has gone up the mountain to "pray" (not ascending the throne of Moses to mount a seraph). The woman was caught in the very act of adultery, and according to the law both adulterers are to be, if nothing else, driven out of the community. For thousands of years the women's excuse has been "you all look the same anyway" (part of the reason why Israel was upset that his sons had circumcised the Hamites into the covenant because, to that point, that was a method of answering the wives with,"We do NOT!") and so, in the case of adultery, there's a tongue-in-cheek nod that, yes Jesus, we know it was you, but we all look the same, so what should we do with her?
"Stumpy" is a career track and happens on a somewhat regular occasion (Herodius was setting John up for that career track; and she knew it, because she knew that nobody ever makes the lone pilgrimage to Cairo without camels, and funding, and supplies--part of the reason why the Jews only require a forty day fast, with plenty of opium, to prove their faith in the Lord). John "Stumpy" Saul is scheduled for marriage to a pharisee who will continue to the career track maneuver. The running line against Stumpy is that he's bitter and angry about being stumpy, and it's his own fault for hanging out with the gypsies and not making it to Cairo, but he's bitter and angry about being stumpy anyway. The next step of Stumpy's career track is to "prove" that he is now into bitter, angry, vengeful, anal sex. His pharisee wife tells him to take a pilgrimage to Damascus (Joseph and Mary went west to Egypt, Damascus is the "other way") and, after he finishes, she promptly marches off to the next bridge club meeting where she produces (pushes out) the evidence that Stumpy is into angry bitter anal sex.
The scheduling is variable, though, and John "Stumpy" Saul's wife waits until she actually wanted to have angry anal sex (it was indeed angry sex for her, and that's exactly what she wanted at the time). She was a middle or lower pharisee (who had to settle for marrying Judas' son, now a stumpy, rather than playing her chips properly and getting a real Hebrew, possibly one who is descended from real Egyptian wealth and not merely a hanger-on from the remnants of Israel) and, as women often do, she got into a battle (over who the hell knows what--women fight over anything, probably breast size or how far they could launch a gumby into a glass of water from fifteen feet out) with an upper Pharisee (one who had actually married some registered descendant of Egypto-Hebrew wealth, on the order of Herodius or so), and, though she may have been right, she got her ass handed to her by the upper social financial echelon pharisee. That was the week she was really angry and bitter and upset, and that was when she scheduled John "Stumpy" Saul to do her in the butt.
Getting your ass handed to you in a social battle with an upper pharisee is equivalent, more or less, to quitting twelve rows. If you quit twelve rows then you need to get all twelve back together again (group sex, but they usually ensure that Benjamin is late to the party, and that way you only got eleven of them, and you'll never receive the full reimbursement amount to your gumby account, or maybe you'll have to prove that you can do a sultan-dog to make up for Benjamin who got lost on the way to the shibboleth party). Orrrr... You'll need to climb the ladder and change a name, honey. Women have methods of changing names especially if they have a husband available. Spouses often take on each other's roles and burdens and so, if she's on the hook to change a name as per temple social battle protocol, then she is able to pass that obligation on to her husband. She has him do her in the butt (which she wanted and enjoyed anyway because she was angry and upset at having lost the contest against the upper pharisee) and then, upon producing (pushing out) the evidence of the act, she solemnly swears to tell the truth that John "Stumpy" Saul was overenthusiastic about participating in the anal sex--proof positive that he has an anger complex over his own deficiency (couldn't make it to Cairo alone, too scared, frightened little boy) and needed to shove his stump into something to get back at the world.
Hence, John "Stumpy" Saul needs to go to a homeless shelter and accept that he screwed up big time, and he'll need to sign all of that paperwork to leave his old life behind and change his name again. It is up for discussion whether or not that included a divorce (probably not--even with a name change and a stumpy he is still quite useful to the pharisee... if she ever gets on the hook for dog duty, "You screwed up big time again, my dear... You'll have to let one of the sultans teach you a lesson", then "stumpy" is a convenient excuse to once again trade places with the hubby and have him ride the barrel with the sultan commandeering the wheel)..
Barabbas. What do you suppose happened to him? "Jesus, if we let you out you know they're going to kill you"... "But I have something to prove! And the world needs to know who my daddy is! And he's right there in that temple!" "Okay, fine Jesus, besides, Herod and Pilate are both betting on a rib imprint or two from the inside of your melted on skin to cover for their affinity for little girls and, don't tell anyone, boys"... "Barabbas, if we let you out you know they're going to kill you"... "That's fine, I'll walk. Just open that door and give me five minutes to make it to the city gate." "Barabbas, you know that you'll need to make it all the way to Cairo and qualify for 'fast' in the Egyptian temple before you walk back here without getting gutted." "I'll do it!"
So they let Barabbas out. But he does the same thing that John did, walked three weeks out of town, hung out with the gypsies for a while, and then tried to come back, go through the recycling program, and change his name to Stephen. He thought that he actually had a good enough wit to carve a name out for himself once he signed the paperwork to get out from being on the hook for Barabbas. So Stephen returns, makes a big speech which is actually the very first slapstick comedian. All of his speech mistakes were really lingual inside jokes, somewhat more intelligently dispersed than puns--and Jesus and most of the temple crew did indeed get a good laugh. The problem, however, was that without the proper Cairo mark and a verified fast from the Egyptian priests, he still wasn't going to make it (and, in modern times, I have found out that, since nobody has qualified for "fast" in over ten thousand years--Abram made sheik and then promptly needed to go get more--even if you make "fast" nobody is going to believe you).
John "Stumpy" Saul was present for that speech and he was actually doing Barabbas Stephen a favor. "Look, buddy, I know you didn't make it to Cairo, you know you didn't make it to Cairo, and you and I both know that the only reason why you showed up with the slapstick routine is to try and impress one of the upper pharisees and get a better wife than I am stumped with. Not gonna happen, kiddo, because you didn't make 'fast', so I'm going to save you the trouble of getting involved the way I did, because you do not want to be "Stumpy", and I'm going to get you stoned and make sure that you don't even bother to show up for the temple test. Sure, I'll get a few extra ladies to take their clothes off for me by running you out, but it'll save you the trouble of losing the head of your dick. Better for you to drop out of scripture and become a nobody than to lose a full inch of your muscle."
It is possible that Barabbas Stephen returned with yet another changed name--I do not yet have a positive line on that yet.
The book of Revelation is the post-retirement party. Slips trips and falls. If you made it to the book of Revelation, and you're watching the retirement party go from bad to worse, you have the option of repenting and making that pilgrimage to Cairo to try for fast. Highly doubtful that you will. Learn how to walk and breathe or go ahead and suffer yourselves to death.