Chabo's Journal: Gae Prid

Note: This is a continuation of a series of stories written by a central Texas police officer named "Darth Tang", which are being archived by Chabo, with no editing. Read more about this project.

This story was originally posted on October 22, 2005.

I spotted a one of our mentally deranged locals (call him Ed) wandering down the street the other day and made contact with him. This is from the digital recording.

{Me} Hey, ed. What's 'Gae Prid'?

{Ed} See...what?

{Me} Your sign on the shopping cart stolen from Krogers: Gae Prid.

{Ed} See....Gay Pride.

{Me} You're gay?

{Ed} See....I'm a lesbian.

{Me} No shit? A lesbian? How did you confront that life-altering state of being?

{Ed} See...I met some, and I think they're just like me. An' I'm just like them.

{Me} Well, good luck with it-it's a tough thing, being gay in this part of Texas. And speaking of things being tough, you may have noted that it is two in the morning?

{Ed} See...yeah.

{Me} And here we are, three hundred or so feet west of [address]. And you were headed east.

{Ed} See...it's a free country.

{Me} Not for lesbians such as yourself, it isn't. Especially not lesbians laboring under the burden of a protective order. Which kicks in at two-fifty, if I recall correctly.

{Ed} See...that was before I became a lesbian. Its not really...app...app...application.

{Me} Interesting defense. But also inapplicable in our present circumstances. How many times have I got to tell you about this?

{Ed} See...I'm just walking.

{Me} Walk, run, skip, hop, it all boils down to that if you are within 250 feet of the home, school or person, you go to jail. Period. And I'm sick of me or one of my men tied up for 45 minutes writing that report.

{Ed} See...its....that's persecution of a minor-ity. I'm gay.

{Me} So was Rodney King. You know the difference between California and Texas?

{Ed} See....yeah. In California, when the cops got done with Rodney King, you could still find him.

{Me} There's a valuable moral message there, Ed.

{Ed} See...but...but...she's so pretty.

{Me} She's so eight years old. Barely. Why couldn't you stick with throwing firebombs at lawyers? Nobody really cared about that.

{Ed} *mumbles*

{Me} Why is that bag moving?

{Ed} *mumbles*

{Me} Let me rephrase that: tell me why that bag is moving, right now!

{Ed} See...rats.

{Me} Yeah, I know, you tend rat traps at the Purina plant. Oh shit, tell me it isn't so.

{Ed} See...ten cents a rat.

{Me} You're raising rats and selling them to the plant?

{Ed} See...I kill 'em first.

{Me} Man....why do you have a bunch of them in a gunny sack? Look, one's got a hole chewed through.

{Ed} See...they gotta get some air. I take 'em with me, some of 'em, when I get cans.

{Me} You are innovative. But gay or not, there's health statutes regarding vermin. You wanna give them some air, do it somewhere else.

{Ed} *mumbles*

{Me} And the next time you come within 500 feet, I'm gonna tell the Purina company to DNA test the rats you're turning in.

{Ed} See...that's mean.

{Me} I'm anti-gay. Live with it.

{Ed} See...being a lesbian isn't easy. But I got the pride.