bethanie's Journal: deleted

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My personal opinion...

[FroMan]

When you speak, let your yes be yes and your no be no.

A few years back, almost 12 I guess now, a friend and I were at one of the local malls in the food court around closing time. There was a line in front of us of a number of people, and no one behind us. The manager of the McDs came out and said that the people in front of us were the last people they were serving. My friend and I then explain, in less than pleasent words that we would not eat at a McDs again because of this manager's choice to not ser

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[turg]

When you speak, let your yes be yes and your no be no.

I would agree normally, but I don't think that it applies to statements under duress.

Also (with regards to your McDonalds example), I don't think it means that you can never change your mind in the future. You were honest and meant it when you said it and you followed through. If at some later point, something changes (a McDonalds manager does something really good, or you just decide that it's enough) that doesn't make you a liar retroactively.

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[FroMan]

I suppose under duress does add a little to the situation. However, at the point he admitted to the having the purse, she could have gone to the store manager. Possibley brought the police into the situation or any number of things. Even then, she could have said that she didn't feel right promising such, and therefore feels under duress, and would rather wait and see how things are after the return of the purse. But then looking at things from an unemotionally attached vantage point, and not time criti

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[turg]

I probably wouldn't either. I'm just saying that I don't think she is bound by her word not to.

I actually think that giving him the speech about now he has his integrity that tips the balance to not reporting him. It would make it like punishing him for having integrity.

being optimistic

[sparky4]

the fact that he returned it, face to face, would lead me to believe that he has enough integrity not to do it again. It was probably an impulse that he regretted immediately and I have to respect the fact that he didn't just ditch the purse adn continue with the denial.

You could just make it a habit to go to the business and say 'hello' to the kid while you are there just to nudge his conscience. Make him squirm a bit.

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[account_deleted]

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me 3

[Captain Splendid]

What sparky and Sam said.

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[TechnoLust]

Or you could go in and blackmail him for free food. ;-)

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[bensafrickingenius]

let's not all assume the kid has integrity -- perhaps the store has surveillance cameras, and it took him a day to remember that fact?

Meh

[Iamthefallen]

Cops aren't going to do anything, manager might, but then again, might not.

It's one of those "what difference does it make" things, you're not going to accomplish anything by turning him in.

Let it slide

[nizo]

Since no harm was done (as long as everything was in there and all that jazz), I would guess he learned a really important lesson there. I dunno about looks being a factor, but it is certainly possible.

Oh, and might I suggest a nice pair of fuzzy handcuffs, to secure said purse to yourself in the future? :-)

I would let it go.

[Some Woman]

The optimist in me says that being confronted by the person he stole from will make him think twice in the future, and that should be enough.

I had something returned to me once and I didn't give a reward. I don't know that they would have accepted it, though. It was in my freshman year of college, I came out to my car to find a note on my windshield telling me to call a number. My wallet had fallen on the ground when I got out of the car the night before. Somebody had found it and left their phone numbe

Since you asked.

[StalinsNotDead]

In the same situation, I would not report this Diego fellow to the manager for the following reasons:
-You did say you wouldn't, even if it was under duress.
-Diego may have friends that work at the establishment who may remember you as the person that got him and his friend fired. So unless you never want to go there again, I would stand by the promise of not involving the manager.
-Diego might not have been the thief. It might have been his associate. Diego gets a call from the girls at work, finds out about

Mission accomplished

[peacefinder]

You're out several hours of your life, a lot of worry, activated credit cards, and twenty bucks... but you still have your integrity.

Breaking your word - and risking your integrity by doing so - may be worth it if
* you know (beyond a reasonable doubt) that he stole it
* you think he'll do it again.

I think that neither test seems really clear from your description. In particular, I think that you have given him an opportunity to learn that honesty can be rewarded. If you do something now to make sure he gets

Assumptions

[tomhudson]

Everyone so far in this thread has assumed that Diego was the guilty one, and that covering for "his friend" was itself a cover story.

A "gut feeling" is not proof. If he had in fact been the one who took it, why would he even bother calling back the next day? His nervousness could very well be explained by his suspicion as to what had really happened, and how he was going to balance (1) dealing with the individual involved, and (2) dealing with you, and (3) dealing with the company. Wouldn't you be nervo

Go half-way.

[BrenBren]

Tell the manager that Diego returned the purse to you. Don't go into the details. Let the manager deal with is as he sees fit.

On the one hand, tomhudson is right: there's no evidence that Diego is the one that took it. He might have known who did the night it went missing, but that only makes him an accomplice.

On the other hand, Diego returned it with its contents intact. That means a lot. Stress that point with the manager, if you choose to talk with him.

As to Diego's nervousness, what man isn't nervo

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[DG]

Verite, Devoir, Valliance.

En Anglais, "Truth, Duty, Valour"

You gave your word: game, set, match. In the end, the only thing you truly own is your integrity.

Sun Tzu is *not* overrated - but then again, neither is he the be-all, end-all of strategy. A true student reads many sources and draws their own conclusions.

In Western society, Clauswitz is more influential.

DG

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[account_deleted]

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[DG]

No matter what you may think of him, Clauswitz and "war is a continuation of policy by other means" is the single greatest influence on Western strategic military thought. Take Carl, his concept of "total war", mass armies of conscripted soldiers, and the assembly line, and you get modern 20th century warfare. Mix in programmed mobilization plans, the machine gun and barbed wire and the lack of reliable beyond visible range communications, and you get WW1.

"The Art of War" is notable not only as a historical

others have handled the "your word" issue --

[bensafrickingenius]

Let me point out something that could have more serious consequences than guilt over breaking your promise should you decide to contact the manager. Assuming Diego took your purse, consider that he had most of a full day to aquaint himself with its contents. Like your address maybe? Not trying to creep you out here -- I doubt Diego would make the hour drive to your house just because you're easy on the eyes. But he just might make the trip if he thinks you got him fired.