Em Adespoton's Journal: Keep the Government's hands off our Timbits!

Following the recent expose done by CBC's investigative reporting show, '22 Minutes', the Canadian public has become aware of a bill being pushed through parliament to create a national timbit registry.

Gordon Lightfoot, representative of the Assembly of Native Canadians, was said to hold that, "even considering such a bill was ludicrous, as it would destroy the current goodwill and respect painstakingly developed over the last two centuries between the government and native Canadians."

Political Rights Activist Brian Mallroony added that he would sooner "swallow a timbit whole than register it with the government," as such a thing goes against the very basis of the values upon which our country is based.

Others across the nation have commented that they would continue to purchase and distribute timbits without registering them with the government, if such a law came into effect.

"The Canadian Native population has long depended on hunting and gathering in harsh environments in order to survive. Over the centuries, they have perfected their tools to achieve the greatest sustenance with the least amount of effort. Today, these generations of refinement have resulted in traditional Canadian Timbits, which are cheap and relatively easy to produce and yet when used skillfully, can sustain a large tribe.

"The problem is that the use of timbits in Canada has become so widespread that their use is beginning to threaten traditional Canadian food sources. In order to combat this, the Canadian government is considering instituting a Timbit Registry, so that anyone who posesses timbits must register them with the government prior to transporting, using, or selling them.

"This proposed solution is drawing fire from the Canadian native community, who view timbits not only as an integral part of their way of life, but also as a status symbol. They feel that this proposal is purely an attempt to isolate the native Canadian communities by denying them access to timbits for traditional use and social recreation."

Having arrived at a stalemate in the Timbit talks, the government is now asking the international community for their suggestions on how to peacefully nullify the impact of timbits on the environment at large, while reaffirming the native culture that celebrates the timbit as an integral part of day to day life. Please feel free to use this forum to help hammer out the details so we can present the government of Canada with a well thought out, unified statement.

Re:

[zobier]

Whoever modded that down is an ass, this is a legitimate question! WTF is a timbit? The only reference I can find with (a 5 second) Google or Wikipedia is to the doughnut holes.

Timbits as a survival technique

[johnlunney]

Let's say you're on a peaceful walk through the snowfields and an angry polar bear charges... nothing stops a charging bear faster than emptying a container of timbits into him;. When it's your life on the line, wouldn't you like to feel protected?