bellus quies's Journal: I couldn't sleep, still stuck

OK, I got maybe 4 hours of restless sleep last night things over things. Not happy because I found a text message on my BF's phone from his female coworker. Namely I'm upset because she told him about a play that was coming up that I hadn't told my boyfriend that I got tickets to, but told him to save the date. So that surprise is a bit deflated. And then there was just a text where she said "yes". And all of my BF's sent messages and trash were deleted. But I'm guessing that it was with regards to last night's employee appreciation thing at a bowling alley for his work that was "no guests" so I wasn't there. So he told me later that night when I asked, that she followed him over there because neither of them knew their way. And I finally asked, and no, she doesn't have a boyfriend.

So I woke up upset and agitated, and ended up getting my BF mad at me for turning on the light without warning him because it hurt his eyes. So I couldn't talk about things then. So it'll have to be this afternoon, and I've already let my BF know that I have something I need to talk about and he's ok with setting time aside when I get home from work.

Thing being. He gets off early on Fridays, and is going to the dog park with her after work. Just the two of them.

I'm not really happy about that, nor am I happy that I'm overreacting about all of this. I know that right now it's an innocent friendship. But it has the possibility of becoming a breach of emotional intimacy, my BF's done it before with his ex and doesn't quite understand the concept (he thinks because it's not sexual it's not a problem).

Oh and she's also going hiking with my BF's little sister this weekend and his sister is borrowing our dog.

Side-note: Gawd I wish that this new SSRI would kick in and kick me out of these negative mental loops. But no, I'm having side effects already on a low dose and will have to call my doc and try something else. Blah!

Hehe, failure to understand guys maybe?

[Com2Kid]

(he thinks because it's not sexual it's not a problem).

Because to a guy there are two types of relationships. Sexual and non-sexual.

Women have this entire gamut of relationships.

Guys get jealous too of course, but only cuz we're worried about our good looking gals being looked at sexually by someone else, except of course when we want them too.

Of course most women want their man to be a sexual object in public, I have little doubt that you /like/ the fact that other women want your bf, correct? ^_^

As a gu

Re:

[pythorlh]

Com2Kid's not wrong here. There are major differences in definitions between men and women. What's new? In addition, BFoBQ seems to have some off-normal definitions himself. This makes outside interpretation exceedingly inaccurate. But...

For some people, telling makes a world of difference. Your BF would probably agree with Com2Kid that taking this girl to the park is off limits, if he didn't tell you about it. Generally trusting (and trustworthy) people make the assumption that it's innocent,

Re:

[bellus quies]

I need all the luck I can get. I know it's innocent, but I also know that when I let him know how I'm feeling he'll blow up. He'll start accusing me of trying to tear him away from all his friends and of me trying to change his fundamental personality.

If my BF actually is calm and listens to my feelings and agrees to respect my requested boundaries then I'm taking the lotto ticket off the fridge and put it in a lock box, because if I'm that lucky it'll definitely be a winner.

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[pythorlh]

Ouch. I wish you the best, then. My wife is like that, which is one of the reasons we've been seperated for so long. Another reason is that is wasn't innocent with her.

Trust

[FortKnox]

Thats the argument subject you'll be having.
Either you trust him NOT to cheat on you, or you ruin your relationship. Yes, its as simple as that in our (men's) mind. If you think he'll cheat on you, then you have no trust in the relationship and things are not going to end well....

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[bellus quies]

I do trust that he would not intentionally cheat on me.

I just think that he might unintentionally get into an awkward circumstance, and that I'd prefer some boundaries in place to help with my comfort level.

Like how I was uncomfortable when my boyfriend went to a bar with a guy friend and ended up playing pool with 2 other women...while I was in the hospital.

And how I was uncomfortable watching my boyfriend excitedly chat up another girl, while she showed obvious (to me) physical interest in him an

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[redhead-kitten]

I do trust that he would not intentionally cheat on me

Sorry if this hurts your feelings, but this line threw up many red flags at me.

Are you really saying that he is so weak willed that any willing female in his path would make him stray from you? Are you so insecure that you believe that any woman could woo him away from you?

To me this is waaaay more your issue than it is his. Either you trust him or you don't. There is no "try" here.

I agree with the comment that if you constantly worry about him socia

I'll probably regret this, but...

[TopShelf]

Perhaps you need to break things off and move on, like TODAY? Is the self-doubt, suspicion, and endless speculation really worth it? That doesn't sound like any good relationship I've ever heard of.

He's not going to change - even if he's not pursuing a relationship with this coworker, at the least he's an outgoing guy who enjoys interacting with a wide variety of women, which causes you distress. If he is pursuing something, then obviously he's got one foot out the door anyway.

It just seems like in your

Unfiltered

[Shadow Wrought]

I think everything that I was going to say as been said, just not together. As far as your BF cheating on you, if you turst him, then there is no problem, and you won't be losing sleep. I think the problem is that you're not worried about him sleeping with co-worker, so much as him sharing emotional intimacies with her that he's not sharing with you. A relationship, at the end of the day, is really more about trust than anything else. He may be oblivious to his flirting, but he is also clearly enjoying