CristalShandaLear's Journal: Fighting My Way Back

The couch won.

I've been horribly depressed. Well, after months of faking this hideous cheerfulness, I broke down.

My breakdowns usually involve messiness of unusual and alarming levels. What this translates to is that you can instantly tell my state of mind by the state of my house.

So, what has my house been like lately, you ask. Well, the public or most used areas are passable but ragged around the edges. Books and papers are scattered but in recognizable and kind of neat but not quite piles. There are a few corners that are burgeoning with unused stuff but are holding on to them nicely.

My side of the bed is neat.

My own home office space is hideous. No one is allowed in, not even family it's so bad. Piles of clothes half as tall as I am; dishes and utensils desperate with dust, some with mold; Old newspapers, a long dead and dried Easter Lily, boxes that were once neatly catalogued now tossed about from desperate searches.

It took me an hour to beat a path to the computer. And when I finally got to this point, I decided to stop here for a bit of news and honesty.

Hubby's home and he expected dinner but I had to stop and preserve my sanity. Lot's of things have gone wrong lately. We can always dine out but the tenuous check I've got on grief and anxiety must be nurtured.

I'm fighting my way back.