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forged's Journal: Getting married 41

Journal by forged
This should be happy times, I guess. In little over one week, I'm getting married. That's right. Proof that the Slashdot readers aren't just nerds and college dropouts.

I'm an old fart, and I also have a social life after IRC and Slashdot.. So anyway, she promised that she'll yes and now we're busy preparing the ceremony and stuff.

I'm actually looking forward to it very much, for multiple reasons.

First, we want to have babies. Lots of babies. We'll start with one, of course, but then there is no stopping us. But we couldn't have children without being married first, so that was the logical move.

Then, we've been preparing this event for over a year and frankly, I'll be happy when we'll be through. I am tired of not having an hour to spare at home in the evening, because there are always things to prepare. Once we'll be done, we can get together in the evening, and say `this feels odd, we don't actually have anything planned for tonight'. This hasn't happened to us in weeks.

I'm still a little nervous about the number of guests invited. There should be ~370 at church, ~225 at the dinner and ~200 at the barbecue on the next day. That's quite a crowd and I will feel a bit nervous when the time will come to say `Yes' in front of this crowd...

Wish me luck :)

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Getting married

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  • It's always nerve-wracking to appear in front of a large crowd of people, even if it sis friends and family.

    You'll do fine.

    I just hope you return the favor. I plan on cruising down the aisle in October of next year.
    • Heh, thanks for this. I'm always very nervous when appearing in front of a large audience..... I'm the kind of guy who prefers to operate in the backstage, and that doesn't like to come on the stage !

      Anyway, good luck to you too. Have you booked anything for your wedding yet ? We began booking church, catering, etc., over one year in advance, yet we are in a hurry :)

      Let us know by next year once you get closer to this particular moment, so that we can cheer you up !
      • We've booked the catering hall and dropped a deposit, but that's about it. We also have really excellent diamond wedding bands picked - and already paid for!

        Basically the other stuff will fall into place as the cash rolls in.

        As for the cheer-ups, thanks! Look for journal entries coming soon. Also, catch my rants on Slackers Guild [slackersguild.com], where I'm an author. I'm sure I'll have plenty to rant about in the coming months.
  • you're just a friend in slashdot, I never met you nor had I any chance to talk with you directly. I'm nobody. But this new will make any no-body happy, so good luck!

    I'm happy for you, say "hi" to her and well ... have fun. you may want to check the suggestions that slashdot users gave to cmdtaco here [slashdot.org] and go on.

    cheers!

    • Hey, thanks for the cheer-up ! I don't know you either but you know what ? That doesn't matter at all :) I'm happy even with online friends that I will probably never meet.

      After all, we're all here like a large group of people pretending to be friends and chatting to each other, so why not ! It certainely doesn't bother me, on the contrary. I've done enough of IRC (5+ years) to enjoy having online friends 8-)

      I dunno if I really want to follow the suggestions that were given for Taco. I feel that I prefer to have a more "traditional" wedding (some will say "conservative") but hey, the real party will be later and with less people !

      Anyway, I will say "hi" and see what she says ;)

      Cheers !
      -f
  • by Chacham (981)
    Oh, and have lot's of babies. Just don't let them grow up, that's when they get annoying. :-)
    • Haha, I liked your comments regarding the babies !! Yeah sure as hell they will be annoying. But that's okay... I was the eldest of a family of 6 (well, we were 4 children really and now 2 step-brothers on my father's side) and my parents too were from families of 6 children. I have dozens of cousins, who themselves have children ! It's "reproduction madness" and you know what ? It actually feels pretty exciting :)

      (no I'm not a muslim, we're all good catholics and no, we aren't fundamentalists either ;)

      My wife (to be) and I agree on that she'll be mostly the one in charge when the kids will be 0-2 years old, then I will "engage" and help raise them with proper education... you know, the kind that your dad probably tried to give you. Well, I didn't understand all of it at the time, but I happen to agree with his values now, so that's what I will teach my kids too (hopefully :-)

  • Well, since you are both a) a geek and b) engaged, perhaps you can share with us your dating stratagy. How did you pick dates? Did you date a lot or few? How did you know when you had "the one"(tm)? Share with the group so we all may benifit from your wisdom!
    • Ok, it's true that I am a flaming geek, with an average of 12-18 hours a day spent in front of a computer either at work or at home.

      My secret is this:
      Never date a geek girl if you are a geek yourself !!!

      My fiancee is a nurse, and she barely knew what a computer was when I first met her. Now she's handling her email on a daily basis, and she can do some basic document editing (word processing and the likes) but that's it.

      I once dated a geek girl (she was a student in the same CS course as I was), and we even shared a student flat for the next 6 months. But it didn't work out in the end, because (mostly*) we had nothing to tell each other when we got home in the evening, except for the "let's install Linux on your PC" stuff and "have you seen this floppy disk somewhere".

      (*)She had other issues too, but that's personal business ;)

      I can't really give you better advice, since dating is a very personal thing. But be yourself and eventually you'll meet someone you like and who likes you back.

      If you pretend to be somebody cool, you'll date an equally fake girlfriend, and your relationship to be will be a disaster because you can only pretend being someone else for so long (6m-1y) before the masks will drop eventually.

      • My fiancee is a nurse

        I talk about my own experience, but I noticed that *a lot* of guys in the computer field marry girls from the medical sector (coworkers, people that went with me to CS). Many date/are married to nurses, doctors, med-students, pychologists, logopedists, and whatever.
        Does it just mean that there are so many girls in the medical sector, or does it mean that I should seriouly consider hanging around in ER-rooms, nah, ehm... med-schools ;-)

        • I agree, and it isn't a coincidence... In Paris at least, it is commonplace (almost a tradition) for Engineers from the various engineering schools, to attend nurse nights and try to date there.

          Likewise, nurses attend Engineers nights and I guess some of them find dates then.

          I didn't meet my GF at a nurse evening, but at a birthday party of someone in my family, and she happened to be the best friend of her sister so she was there too. It's as simple as that :)

          Now I'm seeing more nurses than even before, when she invites her colleagues at the house and I cook for everyone ;)

      • Maybe this is why at Clemson University, the Computer Science department is in the same building as Nursing.... (I kid you not)
      • Never date a geek girl if you are a geek yourself !!!

        Depending on your definition* of geek, I may prefer it if my boyfriend doesn't see your advice. :)

        *If by geek you mean knows how to write a program to output "Hello World" in 39 languages and cares when Linux Kernel 2.756229 is released, then I'm not a geek and you can ignore what I just said.

        Anyway, good luck at your wedding, and don't forget to enjoy it!
    • I'm a geek and married. With a child.

      How did I pick dates? Well, they weren't exactly beating down my door. Met girl in HS through Drama club. I understand she is making someone else's life a living hell.

      Met girls in college when they needed help with their computers. And damned if I wasn't lucky in that I knew both Macs AND PCs. Heh, heh.

      Now, I was in college back in the pre-Internet days of the mid'90's. Yes, with our coal powered 386's, manually cranked 68030 Macs, etc. But, I did have dialup to Delphi (because even then, AOL was for weenies, and CIS was just too expensive). Wandered into the Star Trek forum (Custom Forum number 17, I believe) and started talking with this girl.

      Visited within 2-3 months, visited every month thereafter... Flash forward several years (and a few breakups), and we now argue about who changes the diapers.

      If you are in school, ask out girls you like. Worst they can do is say 'no'. Actually, the worst they can say is "You're such a good friend, I don't want to mess that up". That's the worst. 'No' is pretty easy to deal with. Trivial. If you are at work, to hell with the non-fraternization policy. Most of us younger than 35 or so wouldn't be alive if our parents hadn't met at work.

      Quite honestly, it's important to be friends first. A lot of people (my brother and his buds) seem to always be on the lookout for the 'sure thing'. Guess what? They're not married. But, one of my bro's teachers had a good bit of advice: they don't have to be a supermodel, but they better have an average face and be able to talk. Because no matter how much you are fucking, you're still going to spend more time talking.

      Oh, there is no 'one'. As happily married as I am, as much as I love her and my life with her, as much as I literally cannot think of a life without her, let alone another woman, I am not so smitten as to think she is 'the one'. There are many with whom I would likely be just as happy. IDIC. That's not to say that I 'settled'. Just that... Don't waste your time looking for the 100% end-all, be-all. She doesn't exist, and you might throw away plenty of 99%'ers while looking.

  • Congrats forged! That's great news!

    Good luck with all the planning -- just think of it as throwing a giant party for everyone you've ever cared about. :)

    How exciting -- best wishes to you both!
    • Hey, thanks it's actually a great piece of advice !!! (preparing like if organizing a giant party). Which it is, in a way... Except with more family and less buddies this time :)
      • Except with more family and less buddies this time :)
        Yeah, and a whole lot more cameras, so it looks really bad if the hosts are trashed. :)
          • it looks really bad if the hosts are trashed. :)

          Well, I shouldn't have to be worried about this. We've hand-picked our guests and I don't believe that anyone will dare get too drunk at our marriage. That doesn't mean that we don't want our guests to drink, on the contrary ;) But the unthinkable of course can always happen. Hopefully it won't be me or the bride =)

  • mr. forged, i wish you well. hopefully we'll still get to see you around slashdot after you get hitched. please let me know of any geek related troubles that marriage brings you. i am also geeky and am marrying someone next summer who is not as geeky (no fixed date yet, but we've started the planning).

    anyway, have fun. i've always enjoyed my friends' weddings because they were so happy. i hope the same holds true for you.

    ps - we might only be slashdot friends, but look at the crowd who has desgnated you as 'friend.' many +2 posters.
    • Thanks for your best wishes ! I shall update my diary (and perhaps even post some pics ;) when we are back.

      The geekest think that could happen to me, would be that some of my engineer friends will be waiting for me at the exit of church with a line of routers =) but we'll see. The last time we had a wedding in the group, the groom was offered only one router (an old Cisco 2500 if I remember right), albeit loaded with cash :)

  • Forged! Congrats buddy! There is hope after all for some of us weirdo's around here :-) I wish you all the best in your life, and let the love never go stale.

    Actually my best (Lux-based) friend married this weekend, I even was witness (or how do you call it, in english?). I was pretty moved that he even mentioned me as in his speech during dinner "Thanks to Jorg, my friend from always". I didn't deserve it. Of course my speech was just after that and I had the crowd going when I started of: "Of course I'm already pretty drunk...but....". Ah, marriages are fun, I suppose so even for the poor fella that's got to say "yes".

    Take care Forged, and post about your married life once in a while in your journal.

  • Make sure those kids grow up at least somewhat geeky! ;-)
    • Heh, what do you expect :)

      They will be able to type on a computer before they can even hand-write, and of course they will have email since day one =)

  • May I also add;

    adopt. Please. There are many children no matter which country you live in, who need love and support and care, true love is of the soul and not of the blood.

    You are taking her someplace romantic riiiiiight? :)
    • Doh, my /end moral rant tag got taken out, forgot can't use the g/l signs here!

      {/end moral rant} should right before last line!
    • An aunt of mine just adopted a little boy, and apparently this has changed her life (she's almost 50, still single, and she won't have another boyfriend).....

      But if we can "breed naturally", we will try that first :)

      Sure I'm taking her to some place romantic after the wedding. We're going in the Carribeans for 2 weeks, how's that :))
  • Relax. Don't Worry. Have A Home Brew.

    Seriously, it's surprisingly enough NO BIG DEAL. Or, it wasn't for my wife and I. This is what we wanted to do/had to do (to be happy). If you love her, saying 'I do' is the easiest thing in the world.

    Good luck with it. And let me offer one little bit of advice: don't sweat it. Nobody notices the details at a wedding, except maybe mothers, mother-in-laws, sisters, and other catty types. YOU will neither notice, nor remember a thing, other than your wife.

    And that's a good thing.
      • If you love her, saying 'I do' is the easiest thing in the world.

      No problems here, I love her with all my heart and all my soul. It's details during the ceremony that I fear, like dropping the microphone, reading the wrong line at the wrong time, or something stupid like that ;)

      I'm certain that the day will fly by anmd it will all be finished before we realize what happened to us. and hopefully we will have some video footage to show us what really happened and that we did not see at the time =)

  • I've been to two weddings in the last two weeks. I wish I were getting married ;)

    Good luck forged and may your first child be a masculine child*.

    *That was a referance from the movie "Godfather" if you didn't catch it. Great movie, goes with out saying.
    • Heh, thanks ! The same comment also applies everywhere else I guess: I've been to 5 weddings so far this year, and we yet have to go to two others before August is over (in addition to my own).

      I guess people want to get married under nice weather, hence so many in the summer and so little outside of that !

      For the gender of the first born, I'll be happy with whatever comes. If it's a girl I will lov her very much, if it's a boy it will be no different.

      We don't want to know the gender before birth either. A priest once told me: If you know the sex of your child before he's born, it's like if you were given a present without wrapper paper.

  • Too many people are selfish these days, you both must have a lot of heart to share.
    • We both love each other very much, and I must admit that I am the one being selfish for both of us ;) which sometimes irritates the hell out of her, she being so caring with me.

      But marriage won't exactly change the way we live. We've been together 5 years and living under the same roof for 1.5y, so once we will come back from the ceremony, it will be very much "business as usual" (except she won't be taking the pill anymore :)

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