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Online Parent-Child Gap Widens
Posted by
kdawson
on Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:54 PM
from the hable-con-elle dept.
from the hable-con-elle dept.
The Secret to Raising Smart Kids writes "A new study by Dafna Lemish from the Department of Communication at Tel Aviv University has found that there is an enormous gap between what parents think their children are doing online and what is really happening. 'The data tell us that parents don't know what their kids are doing,' says Lemish. The study found that 30% of children between the ages of 9 and 18 delete the search history from their browsers in an attempt to protect their privacy from their parents, that 73% of the children reported giving out personal information online while the parents of the same children believed that only 4% of their children did so, and that 36% of the children admitted to meeting with a stranger they had met online while fewer than 9% of the parents knew that their children had been engaging in such risky behavior. Lemish advises that parents should give their children the tools to be literate Internet users and most importantly, to talk to their children. 'The child needs similar tools that teach them to be [wary] of dangers in the park, the mall or wherever. The same rules in the real world apply online as well.'"
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Hmm? (Score:5, Insightful)
You don't have to give out your info to hook up (Score:3, Insightful)
Re: Always useful to consider shielding info. (Score:4, Interesting)
After a discussion with my parents, we figured out a truism that's still useful: make acquaintances online all you want, but shield your personal info. Only when someone was close enough for a real visit did I share real info for purposes such as meeting in an activity club like an RPG group.
Nowadays, shielding info at least slows down bored "Google Trolls" who want to look up anyone they stumble onto. As other threads pointed out, this now includes employers. A good boss will eventually get to know you, but you don't want to be the star of a passe Meme.
Parent
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Insightful)
How many 'strangers online' did kids meet that were their own age?
I'm sorry, but yes there are sicko pedophiles out there that will use the 'Net as a chance to meet your kid to molest it. But there are far MORE kids that want to meet the kids they hang out with online. It's part of that whole 'I have friends online' thing that some people think is hogwash.
Yes. I have friends online. Friends that I have never met. Why are they my friends? Because I've known them for 1+ year and we hear each others troubles and joys. It's like a Pub/Bar buddy. But with less drinking usually.
And considering how much computers are now a part of the newest generations lives, it wouldn't surprise me if more and more people hang out with the people they met online in real life.
Parent
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Interesting)
Yeah, I wondered this, too. But are a decent percentage of kids (even those over 14 or so, which I don't think of as "kids" in the generally accepted sense) really out there finding people who live right near them and meeting them? I even say this as someone who technically meets this criterion. I started college at 17 in 1996, and I randomly ran into some girl online who also went to my ( very large) school and lived two blocks away. We went out a few times, nothing much happened. But have things changed so much that it's common place for high-school kids to do this? I considered it an extremely weird coincidence at the time.
Parent
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Interesting)
"Like, ohmygawd, you are soooooo Becky's type! What's your phone number?"
Is that considered "meeting online" now? How about if Becky and her beau text each other instead of calling? What if s/he finally digs up the courage to write someone they know of but don't know a short note^H^H^H^Hemail to say "Hi" and get things going? Is all of that considered "meeting online"?
Because if it is, I'm 100% for it. I've got three young daughters, and frankly, I don't have any problem at all with my girls keeping suitors at arm's length. Any technology that makes it possible for them to get to know somebody first before they meet is A-OK in my book.
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Not that I ever thought they'd use it, but still.
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, for a typical slashdotter, it is.
Parent
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Insightful)
My youth was spent hanging out with friends I met online, and we're still friends. As a matter of fact I met my wife on line 27 years ago. There's nothing wrong with meeting new friends who share your interests, and on-line is a great way for those friendships to happen.
The whole 'pedophile' thing makes the nightly news because it's shocking and sells advertisements, not because it's commonplace. Even a tiny bit of common sense exercised by a parent is usually enough to keep their kids safe.
Parent
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
And I'm not suggesting recklessness, such as a parent letting an unknown 45 year old man drive off with their 13 year old daughter, or letting a 9 year old use IRC unsupervised. But even a small amount of parenting will teach most kids to avoid the
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
It's a lot less common than they'd like you to believe. It's sort of like the razorblades and used needles in Halloween candy thing in the 80's. It's the press sensationalizing something and making it sound widespread and ominous in order to get viewers and, consequently, ad revenue.
Further, we have what seems to be an e
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Insightful)
now, i'm not saying we should treat sex between young people as a criminal act, but... we can't keep treating females as feeble-minded victims. if anything, their social intelligence is much higher than the boys, and we have every reason to expect them to be accountable for their actions.
Parent
Re: (Score:3)
Yeah. As a parent, it also strikes me as pretty silly to lump together ages 9-18. Nine is way different from 18.
'The child needs similar tools that teach them to be [wary] of dangers in the park, the mall or wherever. The same rules in the real world apply online as well.'
I'd rather have my kids out on the sidewalk getting some exercise and fresh air than have them cowering in their bedrooms, being afraid of child molesters lurking behind bushes. I don't want my kids to be wary. I'd like to teach them
Re:Hmm? (Score:4, Informative)
Parent
One Up (Score:3, Funny)
Oh yeah? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Interesting)
Parent
Re: (Score:3)
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Funny)
Only true if he's talking to someone who thinks "online" means "we were using web browsers to access our myspace accounts." But he can't be held responsible for the confusion of someone THAT clueless.
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Informative)
Then it's kind of misleading to say you met your wife "on line", isn't it? Not that the rest of your point isn't valid but the fact that you were using the technology back then puts you both in a small and exclusive group with similar interests.
You have no idea what you're talking about.
In the early 80's there were lots of people using BBSs and university systems to talk to each other, and very few of them had much interest in technology. I played a lot on a bunch of local BBSs in the early 80s and while I was a geek, and the guys who ran the BBSs were geeks, a fair percentage of the people were kids using their dad's computer and had no computer knowledge beyond knowing how to run a program.
I met my wife on-line 21 years ago, and she had (
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Hmm? (Score:5, Interesting)
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Knew what the adults wanted to hear, and were keen to please; and
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Knew that video nasties were cool, so wanted to appear cool to their peers and the adults.
The claim that 36% of children are meeting strangers they met online is prone to the same distortion. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, and the number runs so counter to general experience that it must relate to a specific population, or have confounding factors. I'd be surprised if there were many communities in the UK, at least, where much more 36% of children simultaneously had access to computers and were allowed out unsupervised, which makes the number perhaps sixty percent of those with motive and opportunity. I'm sorry, I just don't believe that. ianParent
Risky Behavior (Score:5, Insightful)
When they say stranger, they mean...ANYONE THE KID HASNT MET BEFORE.
Damn media blows the whole "online predator" shit way out of proportion. The same kids that meet 45 yr old men are the same ones that would get into a van because the guy offered them candy.
Protect the children my ass. Just makes politicians look good
Re: (Score:2)
Well, you know what they say: "Strangers have the best candy!"
Re: (Score:2, Insightful)
The Internet is Like Television (Score:2, Insightful)
Then they want to "blame society" when their kids turn out to be basically "white trash" or whatever.
Here's a clue folks, if you don't actively "parent your kids", your kids will end up being hopeless lowlife clueless losers.
Re:The forum's Like Fox News. (Score:5, Insightful)
I would agree with the '70s though. There is no way that a parent with only partial custody of their child is going to be able to keep track of what their child is doing. At this point most most parents share custody, often having minority time, with the state through our 'public education' system.
Parent
I grew up on line (Score:5, Funny)
I was mostly hoping he was learning to hack, but afraid that he was probably just surfing for pr0n and MP3s... I did warn him a couple times about file sharing, and I did maintain control of the router. But for the most part, he was responsible, so I let him be.
I was richly rewarded. He's 20 and turning out to be a hacker, much to my relief. :-)
Re: (Score:2)
Alternate Summary (Score:5, Funny)
In an unrelated study, scientists found that approximately 40% of people aged 9-18 years old should be "destroyed for the good of mankind."
Fixed (Score:2, Interesting)
Seriously, the idea that the only people who meet new friends online are cruising for illegal sex reminds me of Victorians refusing to answer the telephone because that wasn't how suitable people became acquainted.
Remember that case of the girl who killed herself because her former best friend and their parents, people she knew from real life, were tormenting her online? I was just reading about how when th
Re:Fixed (Score:4, Insightful)
Of course I won't forbid it. Then they'll just create one and access it from the school library or their friends house or something. Or try and get sneaky and hide their tracks on one of the systems here.
But I'm going to do everything in my power to convince them that myspace and facebook and crap like that is beneath them.
Of course, this all coming from a guy on slashdot... but still I'd rather have them wasting their time here than on myspace.
Parent
Completely misleading (Score:5, Interesting)
Re: (Score:2, Informative)
Age range is too wide? (Score:5, Insightful)
For example, deleting your search history? The nine year old hasn't really got anything to be doing that for; the 18 year old may be googling about any number of things he/she doesn't want her parent to be aware of: sex education (protection, diseases, etc), boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.. Teenagers are especially protective of their privacy.
Giving out personal information online, i.e, signing up for things, is something 18 year olds may do every day, while a 9 year old shouldn't be doing it at all. Myspace, anyone? (Although the 4% response by parents make me think they don't know what's required to sign up for a lot of these things, or the type of information you post to facebook.)
Meeting with someone you met online is risky business no matter what age you are; a 9-year-old certainly shouldn't be doing at all, but hopefully the 18-year-olds aren't dumb enough to meet a stranger at his/her house, or in a dark alley somewhere. But (take Craigslist for example) there are some reasons why you'd legitimately be meeting someone you only came into contact with on the internet, and it's perfectly safe as long as you do it smart (public place, daylight, etc). 18 year olds are smart enough to do this (hopefully); 9 year olds are not.
So yes, while they are doing a survey of minors (who are the responsibilities of their parents/guardians), the age ranging from 9 prepubescent to 18 (ready to go off to college) is too wide for the figures to be of any real meaning.
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
Besides, the entire "17 year old = kid" thing is stupid.
I've had a 17 year old girl "give out personal details" to an adult online, namely me. Infact she even took an airplane to come visit me where I lived at the time, and th
Yeah (Score:3, Funny)
Molesting begins at home (Score:5, Insightful)
Child molestation is mostly by friends and family, plus the occasional priest. 80% friends and family, 20% strangers. So, kids, get out of the house, stay away from churches, and head for the mall.
Parents (Score:3, Interesting)
I could be wrong her, but it seems that people fear what they don't know. Are there reasons to fear some things on the internet? Yes, there certainly are... and there are tons of wastes of time on the internet, tons of bad things, etc. But when a parent decides the whole thing is incredibly dangerous - because the don't know any better - then there's a problem.
I'd imagine it's like parks. What if the only thing you heard about public parks was drugs, for example. Well, that's quite possibly true at 3am. This is probably not news to most parents - and if it is, they shouldn't be parents - letting your 13 year old daughter walk around the park at 3am is probably not a good idea. Now, if parents knew nothing about parks and figured that the whole thing was a bad place, that's totally different... whether or not your kid can ever go alone or not (during the day) is a personal decision, and I'm sure there are parks that probably are bad, period, but in general, ignorance of the park contributes to paranoia, if anything.
Applying that to the internet then, ignorance of it seems to be a huge problem. Giving a 9 year old complete access of the computer, not talking to him about anything, giving him a 1.5Mbit connection... uh, well, that seems pretty silly. Giving him nothing because you're afraid of the whole thing, that's also bad. Why is this so hard to figure out? Do you just give your kid a car when he turns 16 and hope he can end up driving safely? (sorry, had to use a car analogy). Nooo, seems like one of the points of parenting is to impart your wisdom from experience, and if you don't have experience in it, get experience in it and exercise wisdom, not paranoid behavior as if everything not around in 1975 is bad.
Oh, last comment. I find it interesting that parents think public schools are great places to send their kid and have no clue what goes on and get paranoid about the internet. I dunno. Maybe it's just that society is stupid now (parents included in that social generalization).
Cugals... (Score:3, Funny)
Actually a sound suggestion (Score:4, Funny)
And that teaching should come from the same people that fill out every damn form on a "click the monkey to win" spin, answer "easy money fast" spam and hand out their banking details to widows of Nigerian presidents?
Sorry, but first of all we'd have to teach the parents, the adults, how to be safe online. But that is so much work, and we don't want to deal with that internet thingamajig stuff that our kids are so much into, ain't there some program that could do it? Or wait, what do we have a government for, anyway, they should handle that!
Good God I hate these kinds of articles. (Score:3, Insightful)
What they are not reporting is how to deal with this as a parent. Two kinds of parents. Geek ones and non-geek ones. From there, you get two more sub-types. Parents who take the time and parents that don't.
Just pulling numbers outta my ass, I think it's safe to day only 1 in 4 parents actually share the Internet with their kids and...
THAT IS THE WHOLE PROBLEM.
So fix that and suddenly we don't have this "but think of the kiddies" scare.
(From that 1 in 4 parents, who has taken the time)
1. Surf with your kids.
2. Build a trust relationship. They need to know you are there to help them and you both are there to learn stuff.
If you hear about them doing something bad, before they tell you about it, they get hammered really hard. On the other hand, if they run into a situation and bring it to you, they get help with it, not harsh judgement.
Kids who are looking at pr0n online have needs that are not being met otherwise. It's ugly, for some parents, but they need to deal with that and the pr0n issue will go away. This is true for most online behaviors. Deal with it.
3. It's ok to lie on the net. Sort all that out with them and establish good behaviors with them. This is why you surf with them --to provide context.
Lots more, but just doing those will bring the kid - parent online relationship to a level that is safe.
We need to see more articles like this, and far fewer scary ones. Nothing worse than scared and ignorant people trying to parent kids.
Biased or wrong or both (Score:3, Insightful)
Okay, so 30% of kids understand the implications of their online presence enough to clear the cache to protect their privacy - But then (at least) 10% (((73+30)-100)/30) of those same kids give out personal info online?
Does not compute - Unless this "survey" had extremely biased questions in a sad attempt to prove how dangerous we should all consider the spooooooooky intarweb. For example, what constitutes "personal info"? Using a real name to register for a website? Buying something through Amazon? Clicking "I am not over 18" to get redirected to disney.com?
36% of the children admitted to meeting with a stranger they had met online
Same problem - What constitutes "meeting with a stranger"? At the younger end of the surveyed age range, they have no ability to really go anywhere without parental assistance; this suggests "stranger" means "classmate I don't really know very well". And at the higher end of the age range, we have people who don't really draw a line between "online" and "real" friends, and who quite likely have attended at least one online-community-specific gathering (such as a Fark Party or the like).
Nothing but FUD for parents.
Re:Corrected (Score:5, Interesting)
Parent
Re:Corrected (Score:4, Insightful)
Parent
Re:Corrected (Score:4, Informative)
Password protect the BIOS. Remove booting from anything but the hard drive and lock the case away. All you get is a keyboard, mouse, and monitor.
And www.safeeyes.com for a Windows based monitoring package.
Layne
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
If you leave an intelligent child alone long enough without supervision, there is no telling what they'll figure out. I suspect on a macro-level this is part of the challenge as a parent... making life difficult e
Pesky 20-somethings... (Score:4, Insightful)
Now, I'm a pesky 40-something, and work in an environment with a wide age range demographic. I find it amusing that I've been in the computer field for almost as many years as my boss is old! :-)
But you know what? Being a pesky 40-something gives me a huge advantage: I know how to make things happen, how to get shit done. You 20-somethings may know all the ins and outs about the latest technologies and what not, but do you know how to put it all togeher to produce something? Can you navigate around the myriad problems and issues with integration, for instance? And I just don't mean integrating the technology itself, but integrating your firm's goals with what vendors wish to give you? Or integrating the expectations of many departments and keeping them all on the same page? Or even members of your team?
Oh, and in some areas, I can still run circles around most 20-somethings tech-wise. Being 20-something is not what it's all cracked up to be. Youth is wasted on the young. That is to say, by the time you understand how to actually take avantage of being a 20-something, you're now a 40-something!!!!
Sorry, fresh out of time machines.
Parent