Bill Gates Denied Visa To Nigeria

Xight notes a Gizmodo story that is a few days old but hasn't gotten a lot of play. It seems that Nigeria recently denied Bill Gates a visa to travel there on his recent trip to Africa. The initial denial was "on the premise that they required proof he would not reside in Nigeria indefinitely, causing a strain on social services and a general nuisance for immigration." The comments to the post are worth reading too.

Misreading

[psychicsword (1036852)]

Wow I miss read that one...
I read it as "Bill Gates Denies Vista for Nigeria"
They would be very lucky if that was the case

Re:Misreading

[jmpeax (936370)]

I read it as "Bill Gates denies Viagra".

Then again, it is 5:55am here and I have just finished an essay.

Re:Misreading

[ShieldW0lf (601553)]

The comments attached to the article are great

windows 98...shame on you
windows Me...shame on me
windows vista...GTFO of our country

Funniest think I've read all week

Re:Misreading

[by Anonymous Coward]

What makes it even funnier is that the son of the President of Nigeria, an overweight whiner named Dare Obasanjo [25hoursaday.com], actualy works for Microsoft. Indeed, Billy boy consulted him [25hoursaday.com] before going to Nigeria to learn about the political climate there. (Nigeria is currently the most corrupt [ogiek.org] country in Africa).

Some background: Dare uses his father's political power as an excuse to act like an ass in the halls of the Borg - you may remember the amusing Flame War [25hoursaday.com] between him and Al Billings. (Al Billings is a whiner who can't get anything of value done (cf Netcaptor/Borgzilla/MSN Explorer), probably blames it on management, and unfortunately now does QA work at Firefox). Because he "isn't afraid to criticize" (ie shouts louder than everyone else) Dare Obasanjo has a reputation as being exactly the forward thinking kind of guy who might bring new revenue streams to Micro$oft, instead of what he actually is, a loudmouth frat boy type living off his father's name.

Re:Misreading

[Bloke down the pub (861787)]

the son of the President of Nigeria, an overweight whiner named Dare Obasanjo [25hoursaday.com], actualy works for Microsoft.

Does he have a shedload of money in a locked bank account, by any chance?

loudmouth frat boy living off dad's name

[mrjacques (646975)]

"...a loudmouth frat boy type living off his father's name." Hey, tell him he could be President of the U.S.

Re:Misreading

[ArcherB (796902)]

I read it as "Bill Gates Denies Vista for Nigeria"

Yeah, me too. Of course, after reading the title correctly, I am left wondering:

Why does Bill Gates need a Visa? Isn't he rich enough to pay with cash? Surely he qualifies for an American Express Card! Master Card, Diners Club, Discover? Visa can't be his only option!

Re:Misreading

[by Anonymous Coward]

Dude. Yes, he was aware. His jokes may be poor, but you're a fucking idiot.

Re:Misreading

[Carbonite (183181)]

You are aware that a joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat" or "needs the ropes". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke/ [wikipedia.org]

Misread as...

[Megane (129182)]

"Bill Gates denied Vista to Nigeria"

For a moment I wondered if Microsoft was trying to do something about 419 scams.

Re:Misread as...

[edwardpickman (965122)]

Actually it was. Bill Gates was trying to go there to personally pick up his 10 mill for helping some one transfer money out of the country.

Reminds me of an old story...

[Lemmy Caution (8378)]

A friend of a friend (OK, so this is probably just a joke...) is entering Australia for an extended work contract, and the immigration official asks him if he has ever been convicted of a crime in his country of origin. He replied, "I didn't realize that was still a requirement for entry."

If it's not a true story, it should be.

Re:Reminds me of an old story...

[porpnorber (851345)]

My Dad was once going to the States from Canada. The border guard asked him if he was carrying firearms. He replied, "My God, is it really that bad here? Do you seriously recommend it?"

While I thought it was funny, I will also admit that I didn't think it was the brightest thing to say at that time and place... but I guess clergy can get away with some things.

Re:Reminds me of an old story...

[DiscoFreq (260884)]

I heard you better don't tell such jokes at US airports ;)

Re:Reminds me of an old story...

[ShieldW0lf (601553)]

Heh. I got strip searched and turned away trying to hitchhike to the second woodstock from Canada. They made me take my pants off, and when I said "If you're going to search any more than this, I don't really need to come into your country" and he didn't laugh, I was pretty nervous. Just squeezed out my toothpaste tubes and cut up my bars of soap and whatnot and sent us home.

No sense of humour at all.

Re:Reminds me of an old story...

[Bloke down the pub (861787)]

cut up my bars of soap

I had the same going into France. Apparently they'd bever seen it before.

Re:Reminds me of an old story...

[mcsporran (832624)]

Don't do this.... Customs guys are not known for their sense of humour, particularly when it is an offensive joke, that they've heard literally thousands of times before.
I know of one English guy, who told me of his arrival in the country, where his friend had filled out the criminal record question on the immigration form, with exactly that: "I didn't think you needed one any more...". Customs took one look at it, he got taken off for a private interview, and ended up heading back to Heathrow the same day.

Thousands of £'s to see the inside of Sydney airport, can't come back for years, holiday they had planned for years ruined.

Pretty funny huh ?

Re:Fuck you.

[by Anonymous Coward]

Most [Australians] are descended from the best and brightest who escaped the shitty hell of other nations, such as your own.

Uh, dude, how many Americans "escaped the shitty hell" of the United States to become citizens of Australia? I'd guess very few did.

Why don't you stupid fucking yanks ever mention how you are all the offspring of a bunch of fucking religious nutters?

To paraphrase something I read recently, "Only a tiny percentage of America's original settlers were "religious nutters". Most of us are descended from the best and brightest who escaped the shitty hell of other nations..."

Or what about mentioning the genocide you perpetrated on the Native Americans?

Erm, kind of like this? http://aboriginalrights.suite101.com/article.cfm/aboriginal_holocaust [suite101.com]

If you want someone to laugh at, take a look at the fucking inbred retarded rabble across the Tasman Sea, in New Zealand. They actually believe they are still a pommy colony! The place is like a Coronation Street fan convention.

"It's wrong to make fun of Australians, but right to make fun of New Zealanders." Sure, okay.

Australia, the country you are lamely trying to make fun of, out America'd America decades ago.

Uhuh. Having met a few Australians in my lifetime, I can say that at least some Australians like to think of themselves as being "Yanks downunder". I have no idea why the hell they think that, nor can I understand why they'd even want to be (or just imitate) us! Haven't you ever heard of a guy called George W. Bush? Yeesh!

Or did it not occur to you just why it is that Americans spend so much time obsessing about us?

Oh, now that's just hilarious! I'm sorry dude, but it is.

Re:Fuck you.

[kiddygrinder (605598)]

Sorry about him, i think we just got internet access in our asylums or something.

Re:Fuck you.

[Barny (103770)]

Speak for yourself, one of my ancestors was a document forger sent over on the first shipment, and I am damn proud to be descended from them (can you say, early software pirate) :P

Re:Reminds me of an old story...

[ta bu shi da yu (687699)]

Actually, I found it pretty amusing and I'm an Aussie. Pretty much as amusing as a former New Zealand Prime Minister (I forget which one) who said that every time a New Zealander leaves NZ to soak up the sun on Bondi beach and collect the dole the average IQ of both countries rises.

But those Customs guys don't have much of a sense of humour. Suggest that no American or Brit tries the joke out to see what happens.

The only way he's going to become a nuisance...

[wanderingknight (1103573)]

...is if he plans to give away Vista CDs.

What's next? MasterCard?

[by Anonymous Coward]

I know he's rich, but does he really have the power to deny credit cards to entire countries?

My Dearest

[Bluesman (104513)]

Bill Gates my Dear,

we are deeply grateful sorry to not be approval of your visa into the country of Nigeria. The reasons for not doing so are abundant in nature. Please to rectify the following dear concerns we have:

1) ur dick is 2 small. This pleases no Nigerian woman and is offensive toward the women. You think having average sized cock is OK? Regards, no.

2) we believe for you want to reside in Nigeria indefinitely, causing a strain on social services and a general nuisance for immigration. If this is not your meaningful wish, offer to us a letter in explanation.

3) You aren't really want to come to Nigeria, no? Tell us who you, in reality, are in person.

Nigerian customs will make you a real man!

Very Regards,
Nigerian Immigration.

Re:My Dearest

[Bluesman (104513)]

Troll? Oh come on now, Nigerian moderators! Have a sense of humor.

You know, I try to only post funny stuff now, and every negative mod I get brings the ol' karma down, since the funny mods, like goggles in acid, do nothing.

Once that karma hits zero, I'm taking my ball and leaving, and you all will be left with nothing but Monty Python quotes and Soviet Russia and Overlord jokes.

Hello, My Name is Bill Gates

[istartedi (132515)]

Hello, My Name is Bill Gates. Due to a recent administrative difficulty with the government of Nigeria, I himbly beseach your assistance in helping to move my $40,000,000,000 ass there. I will be so kind as to deposit a portion of this money in the account of your specification. Your assistance in this matter great isly apreciated, your servant, Bill Gates.

*URGENT* HELP NEEDED TO TRANSFER FUNDS

[by Anonymous Coward]

From: [e-mail]
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106
X-Mimeole: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1106
Date: Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:11:04 +0000

Dear friend,

  This letter might come to you as a surprise as we have not met
before,but I believe that you would be compelled to help me after
going through the contents of this letter.

My name is William Henry Gates III, borned October 28, 1955. I am a
American entrepreneur, philantropist and chairman of Microsoft,
a american software companny.

Basically, I was involved in maintaining my statusquo as the richest
man in the world until August (2007), when a Mexican bilionaire called
Carlos Slim surpassed my wealthy in (1) billion american
dolars. He (Carlos Slim) did not stop at that; he also went on to
afirm that his monopoly would be larger than mine.

As at this momemt, I have grudgingly gone to Nigeria, in disguise, to
undertake seizure of a hiden part of my fortune, totalling an extra USD
$28,750,000,000 (twenty eight billion, seven hundred and fifty million
United State Dolars) that I obtained from several russian organizations
for facilitating scams, trojans and keyloggers business in Windows(tm)
systems. However, since I must fake otherwise, I can only
unlock the money in the local branch of my bank in Abuja, but I cannot
take the money back with me.

Hopefully, however, I can use the services of a Diplomatic Courier to move
this money (registered as official docments) out of Nigeria to America.

All you need to do is to claim this money from the Courier Company. You will
be required to contact the Courier Company that moved this money (oficial
documents) out of Nigeria to America. All neccesaries which can facilitate
andn enable you claim the money on my behalf will be forwarded to you as
soon as your consent to procced is received.

For your assistance, you will be entitled to 20% of the total sum. This is
over US $5,000,000,000 (five billion United State Dolars) for you, my friend.

Can you help me? Are you trustworthy? Can you handle this money? Are
you capable of handling this money? If so, please contact me.
I will send instructions on how you must make a (symbolic) small initial
deposit by Western Union or MoneyGram (at your personal choice) to the Courier
company which will be promptly returned to you, just to prove that you have
a working bank account that can receive the aforementioned large sum of money.

Please send me your account details and address so that we can make this
whole transaction as quick as possible.

Your sincerely,
Mr. William Henry Gates (the third)

did they even hear what they were saying?

[deathtopaulw (1032050)]

who could possibly want to stay in nigeria indefinitely?

Re:did they even hear what they were saying?

[TapeCutter (624760)]

"who could possibly want to stay in nigeria indefinitely?"

Shell, BP, Texaco,...

Re:did they even hear what they were saying?

[darkpixel2k (623900)]

Umaru Musa Yar'Adua?

Jar Jar? Is that you?

That's the language the US uses

[bogaboga (793279)]

The initial denial was "on the premise that they required proof he would not reside in Nigeria indefinitely,..."

This kind of language is what [African] applicants for US visas face when denied US visas at the many US visa posts across the continent. I guess it cuts both ways.

Re:That's the language the US uses

[ScentCone (795499)]

I guess it cuts both ways.

Yeah, other than the whole part where "he donates billions of dollars for health care and education" in that miserable country and its continent. Yes, there's SUCH a risk of him being a strain on their social services. African applicants for US visas face reality when they apply to come to the US. Nigeria denying Gates a visa isn't even remotely the same thing, and suggesting that it is cheapens the work and patience that would-be immigrants to the US have to show if they're not going to be illegal.

Re:That's the language the US uses

[akintayo (17599)]

I think you might find that Nigeria does have a problem with illegal immigrants. While most people don't have billions to donate like Mr. Gates, the majority of VISITORS to the US do not want to stay and while visiting do contribute to your economy. And they are required to prove they will not be a burden, so I am not sure why he shouldn't be required to do the same.

Re:That's the language the US uses

[HexaByte (817350)]

Yeah, other than the whole part where "he donates billions of dollars for health care and education" in that miserable country

Precisely the problem. If they let him in, he'll find out it was all diverted to greedy government officials and cut them off!

Canadian perspective

[freeweed (309734)]

Yeah, I tend to get grilled heading across the border. The US border guards seem to think my plan is to sneak in, and live in the US permanently.

Seriously. Dude. I'm already a citizen of CANADA. Don't flatter yourselves.

(note for the humour-impaired: I actually did consider the move before 9/11 - but today?? It's hard not to laugh at the border when they accuse me of this.)

get real

[m2943 (1140797)]

"Bill Gates" isn't exactly an unusual name, and if he didn't submit the right paperwork, of course it gets denied; even if you're an evil, monopolistic overlord billionaire, you still have to prove your identity and your financial status. It's either that, or use the backdoors in Windows to approve the paperwork himself, which I guess amounts to the same thing.

(I suspect that his notoriety is kind of a nuisance for other people with that name, who probably have to deal with "stop clowning around, what's your real name" a lot. It's probably kind of nice that Nigeria treats the name as just a name).

On the other hand, maybe they just correctly reasoned through that Gates was retiring in 2008, that Windows is having problems, and that his company definitely is being an economic nuisance to Nigeria already.

Re:get real

[Nephilium (684559)]

It could get even worse... I knew someone named Richard Wadd... those were some cruel parents...

Nephilium

Nigerian economics

[The_church_of_funzie (940003)]

Someone was just looking for a bribe, that's all.
Nigerian economy is in a crapper.

Bill didn't follow standard operating procedure

[Lachrymite (115440)]

As an American who actually worked in Nigeria for awhile a few years ago, I can tell you what the problem may have very well been; he probably didn't give the proper cash "donations" to the right people.

I actually had some problems with getting in myself that my employer had specifically prepared me to deal with, giving me a supply of local cash and instructions to use it liberally to ease my travel process. 500 Naira in the right hands turned the officials from meddlesome and probing to very welcoming in record time.

Re:Bill didn't follow standard operating procedure

[SlappyBastard (961143)]

Does anyone recall an article from a while back about the audit of the budget for the movie Sahara? In the tax write-offs for the film (which was mostly shot in North Africa, not Nigeria) the producers actually wrote down "bribes" as an itemized deduction.

Oddly, US tax laws include some leeway for writing off donations in handling business elsewhere in the world. Just, very few people overtly itemize the deduction as bribery. Although, that is what the deduction does.

Re:Bill didn't follow standard operating procedure

[Lachrymite (115440)]

The entire problem with corruption stems from the average Nigerian government worker making the equivalent of maybe 50 USD per month. Because of this, bribery runs rampant, as they have a lot of trouble surviving on such a low salary with such supplementary income.

Bill Gates purchases minor country

[by Anonymous Coward]

The BBC is now reporting that Bill Gates has purchased the entire country of Nigeria. According to insider sources massive restructuring will occur in order to bring the property back into profitability. Layoffs are expected.

Most likely a political thing.

[Samir Gupta (623651)]

Most citizens of Africa and indeed, any "developing" country, have very difficult times obtaining US visas. The presumption of US visa officers is that you are an intending immigrant unless you show otherwise, ie, guilty unless proven innocent. Even if one provides paperwork like financial statements, etc, they are often thought to be forged, even if not. It all boils down to a quick interview of a couple of minutes at most where the officer has to review all documents and make a snap decision.

I guess Nigeria just wanted to give the US a taste of its own medicine.

Integer overflow?

[Samir Gupta (623651)]

Was Nigeria using signed ints to indicate an applicant's financial status? I could see Bill's balance causing an overflow and appearing in the negatives leading to misinterpretation...

Re:Integer overflow?

[Anpheus (908711)]

^
|
|
|

Not a programmer.

Foreign Competition

[Tablizer (95088)]

They're afraid that if they let him work in their country, he'll take jobs away from other billionaires.

The real reason ...

[SuluSulu (1039126)]

Give visa to Bill Gates? Cancel or Allow?

I've spent a lot of time in NIgeria

[The Mutant (167716)]

I'm in banking, used to work for the Professional Services division of one of the ratings agencies, and at that firm I was the only person willing to travel to Nigeria.

Even considering the people living there are doing the best they can with what they got - I have a lot of respect for the dignity of the ordinary Nigerians just getting on with life - it's a pretty crappy place.

My last two visits there THE POLICE tried to rob me, each time. And ordinary crime is far more pervasive and violent. Recently I read about an armed gang that raided a hotel lobby, fully knowing there would be business visitors checking in & out, with luggage, expensive laptops, mobile phones, cash and passports.

South and East of Lagos in the Niger Delta region, Europeans and Americans must travel with very heavy security, as abductions for ransom are appallingly common, to the point where we were issued cards with instructions for how our abductors could arrange payment. They aren't going to harm you, for many of the gangs operating there it's just a business! Killing is bad business. Returning live hostages yields cash.

Finally, there is a large North / South - Christian / Muslim divide, lots of tension that often erupts into violence.

If Bill Gates was really denied a visa to visit Nigeria, this was more than likely based on fears for his safety and how embarrassing it would be for Nigeria should one of the world's richest men be held for a Software Magnates ransom.

PS - While Africa's most populous country is hardly peaceful and not at all safe, I found it a strangely beautiful and compelling place.

Funny?

[nurb432 (527695)]

No, not really. Finally someone actually enforces their laws. Bill should get no more special treatment over anyone else.

Re:Wha huh?

[geminidomino (614729)]

We know he doesn't torture puppies for fun because he's too busy torturing users for profit!

Duh.