Want to read Slashdot from your mobile device? Point it at m.slashdot.org and keep reading!

 



Forgot your password?
typodupeerror
×
United States Space

U.S. Air Force Plans for War In Space 1349

arhca writes "Wired has an article about the U.S. Air Force's plans to put military weapons in outer space. Plans include firing hypervelocity rods from space to targets on the ground, space-based lasers and large mirrors to reflect the beams at targets on the ground, and a space-based radio frequency energy weapon to destroy or disable foreign satellites. The Air Force's PDF can be found here."
This discussion has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

U.S. Air Force Plans for War In Space

Comments Filter:
  • by FortKnox ( 169099 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:16PM (#8341858) Homepage Journal
    Of course all this high powered weaponry will NOT MAKE A SOUND IN SPACE (not even cool 'zap' sounds). Perhaps they should put that into the article scifi movie writers will take note.


    Note: This is a joke. Everytime I attempt humor on slashdot, the mods get it, but I get about 50 replies explaining why what I wrote is wrong. If you have no sense of humor, get off the net and go find some :-P
  • by inertia187 ( 156602 ) * on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:16PM (#8341864) Homepage Journal
    hypervelocity n : excessive velocity; "the meteorites struck the earth with hypervelocity impacts"

    Are these rods the size of VWs or something? That's pretty ambitious, if you ask me.
    • by grub ( 11606 ) <slashdot@grub.net> on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:20PM (#8341928) Homepage Journal

      These large hypervelocity cannons will float in space, but once they make a shot there'll be quite a kickback. Watch for space-cannons landing on the moon.
    • by MagicM ( 85041 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:23PM (#8341992)
      excessive velocity

      Kind of makes you wonder, what would be considered an excessive velocity? Is there an acceptable velocity for a metal rod being flung from space at the earth?
  • by albeit unknown ( 136964 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:17PM (#8341875)
    The Alan Parsons Project!
  • by eidechse ( 472174 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:17PM (#8341881)
    "There's no defense like a good offense."

    Now what about the popcorn...
  • wow (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:18PM (#8341890)
    Ah the sheer scope of our commitement to killing each other is staggering.

    Technology? Progress? Dude, nothing has changed since my ancestral parent kicked your acestral parent's ass with a bone club.

    Web pages, blogs, palm pilots....big fucking deal.
    • Re:wow (Score:5, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:22PM (#8341959)
      I think you're mistaken. My ancestral parent was the one that kicked your weak-ass ancestral parent.

      loser.
    • Re:wow (Score:4, Interesting)

      by Keebler71 ( 520908 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:53PM (#8342433) Journal
      Actually it is technology and progress that has given us the ability to selectively kill so effectively, that the last 60 years have been among the most peaceful (statistically) in history. Granted, the proliferation of nuclear weapons terrifies me... but I would say that their deterrent value has been proven.
      • Re:wow (Score:5, Insightful)

        by Ian Bicking ( 980 ) <(moc.ydutsroloc) (ta) (bnai)> on Friday February 20, 2004 @04:54PM (#8343308) Homepage
        The most peaceful? What the hell are you talking about? War has been ravaging the world for the last sixty years. Not in the US or (most of) Europe, but elsewhere in the world -- nearly all of Africa, most of South and Central America, South and Southeast Asia have all seen significant conflicts in the past 60 years. Is it more than in the past? It's hard to say -- there's more people and more activity. There's less "war", but that's largely meaningless, it only reflects on modern diplomacy and current definitions of war.

        War has a tremendous effect on our world. Every famine you hear about in Africa is caused by war -- not by drought. I think history will identify both halves of the 20th century as times of war, not peace.

        • Re:wow (Score:5, Insightful)

          by Wellspring ( 111524 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @06:34PM (#8344722)
          I disagree.

          Mainly, people have this impression because they aren't given a good grounding in history. On many important metrics, the environment is far better off than it was a century ago-- but increased scrutiny means we are only in the last couple decades paying attention to the problem at all. Similarly, conflicts that we never would have heard about (in Rwanda, for example) are now front-page material, with pictures.

          In previous centuries, we just didn't track all this violence as carefully or with the same outrage. A hundred years ago, war in Africa, Asia or South America was ignored. To this day, history books kind of gloss over it.

          Most of the ethnic conflicts of the latter half of the 20th century are longstanding affairs dating back hundreds and thousands of years-- eg the Balkans, central Asia, the expansion of Islam, Rwanda. Is any of this new?

          As bad as war is, the second half of this century has seen less of it than most of the rest of history. The first half saw unprecedented conflict in both scope and severity, so you are right for the century as a whole.
  • by grub ( 11606 ) <slashdot@grub.net> on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:18PM (#8341892) Homepage Journal

    So these weapons will float up there without an enemy (at the moment) but once a foreign nation is considered "evildoers" the U.S. can rain down destruction as their war-machine infrastructure is already in place.

    Naturally the American taxpayers will be told that this will make the world a safer place.
  • by thepuma ( 721283 ) * on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:18PM (#8341900) Homepage
    I invented this business plan:

    1. Place giant LASER on moon/giant dridgible.
    2. Hold citizens of earth hostage for 1 BILLION dollars.
    3. ????
    4. PROFIT!

    - Dr. Evil
  • by Lord_Slepnir ( 585350 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:19PM (#8341909) Journal
    The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots.
  • by dupper ( 470576 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:20PM (#8341919) Journal
    But the adolescent male heterosexual in me is giddily excited at the prospects. Same with you, don't deny it.

    God, I read too much Sci-Fi.

  • by StuWho ( 748218 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:20PM (#8341927) Journal
    Final proof, if proof were needed, that George W really does believe Star Trek is real. He's no doubt drafted the orders for this from behind his sofa, trembling in his ST pyjamas at the thought of Klingons coming for him and stealing his oil.
  • by Phil John ( 576633 ) <phil.webstarsltd@com> on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:21PM (#8341941)
    watching this... [ubergeek.tv].
  • That sounds bad ass. (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Stupid White Man ( 750118 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:21PM (#8341943) Homepage
    Let's just hope that our own satellites don't get hacked and the weapon is used against us. I'm curious to know if this is just an extension of Ronald Reagan's plans of the space missile defense systems (which at the time people scoffed at).

    The ability to take out enemy satellites is also interesting. As an American, I cant' help but notice that the rules of engagement have been as follows: "Foreign countries are allowed to have weapons, as LONG as they're not as powerful as our own." which is obviously okay with me, as an American, however, so much for a fair playing field.

    I had a room mate who was in the military, as he worked for the New York City counter terrorist unit, and he used to bring home videos from work that showed how we were able to target individual people from miles above the air. I'll never figure out why we'll use a bomb which costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to snipe someone... when a 10 cent bullet would do the trick just fine. Now we can do it from space?

    Flame me if you like, my karma sucks anyway.
    • by stratjakt ( 596332 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:30PM (#8342099) Journal
      Alright, imagine you're a radical terrorist. You and your terrorist friend are walking down the street, both with dynamite strapped to your chests, or a can of nerve gas, whatever.

      Scenario 1: Someone snipes your friend from a nearby window. He bleeds to death in your arms. Your reaction? Anger. Damn them! Revenge! Death to the imperialists. After all, you have bullets too. They're fighting on your terms.

      Scenarion 2: A big motherfucking bomb drops out of the sky, blows your friend into tiny kibbles-n-bits sized chunks, and sends you ass over elbows into a crumpled heap some 20 yards away. Your reaction? "HOLY FLURKING SHNIT!" What ya gonna do about it? You'd instantly realize you're way the hell out of your league.

      Shock and awe.

      No matter what your politics are, you cant deny that the iraqi republican guard must have shit their pants when within a half hour, the whole friggin cities infrastructure, and most of their heavy weapons, were cinders.

      • by Anonymous Coward on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:53PM (#8342440)
        Scenarion 2: A big motherfucking bomb drops out of the sky, blows your friend into tiny kibbles-n-bits sized chunks, and sends you ass over elbows into a crumpled heap some 20 yards away. Your reaction? "HOLY FLURKING SHNIT!" What ya gonna do about it? You'd instantly realize you're way the hell out of your league.

        that just forces them not to fight against those with the big bombs directly.

        they end up hiding among civilians, sending out suicide bombers and crashing passenger jets into skyscrapers. they are resorting to these tactics because they know they are out of their league and this is the only way they have to fight back.

        also blowing up a city block to kill someone on their way to blow up a bus seems to fullfill their goals anyways. except any surviving victims of a bomb are going to hate us instead of the suicide bomber. of course the only way they will have to get back at us is to become terrorists themselves, since their army couldn't possibly fight us.

        but whatever... just means that the inivisible army that we need to be protected from will just get bigger and we'll need bigger bombs to protect ourselves from them.
      • by jsebrech ( 525647 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @04:52PM (#8343281)
        We're talking here about people who are willing to let themselves be blown up by setting off a bomb strapped to their own bodies, just to make a point to the US.

        Do you really honestly believe shock and awe will make them go "oh, sorry about wanting to destroy democracy, we'll just not bother you anymore"? If so, I have some land to sell you, at a very good price.

        Shock and awe have zero longterm effect. The people you'd use it against are so motivated that once they get over their immediate shock they will start looking for weak spots, and there are always weak spots. In the end we're all human, and we all die just as easily. The soldiers in iraq are noticing this now.

        I do think the only way to stop terrorists is to convince them they don't want to kill you, however I don't believe dropping bombs on them from outer space will do that.
    • by ncc74656 ( 45571 ) * <scott@alfter.us> on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:40PM (#8342252) Homepage Journal
      I'll never figure out why we'll use a bomb which costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to snipe someone... when a 10 cent bullet would do the trick just fine.

      The bullet is cheaper (not 10 cents, but I'd think it'd be $5 or less)...but getting a sniper into position to fire it can be nearly as expensive as dropping a bomb. It's definitely more dangerous (for the sniper, anyway) if he's caught before he can complete his mission.

  • by toupsie ( 88295 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:21PM (#8341957) Homepage
    I have been wondering when the military was going to take care of that surveillance satellite operated by Major League Baseball.

    [obscure]

  • Heating a giant Jiffy-Pop bag [imdb.com] of course. (Joke lost on anyone who hasn't seen the movie)
  • 1 Bad Idea (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Doesn't_Comment_Code ( 692510 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:22PM (#8341970)
    Plans include firing hypervelocity rods from space to targets on the ground.

    I'm not up to date on my space program figures. But it is expensive as hell to put a kilogram of material into orbit. I'd much rather pay for a plain old bomb, or even a reusable space laser. Carrying a rod into space to shoot it back down to earth is not cost effective.
  • Im much more worried if the US have those kinds of weapons than if some broke desert shithole gets their hands on some mustard gas. What exactly is the US doing this arms race against? Aliens?

    The US no doubt has the power to keep space off limits for anyone for military arms race. Why in gods name then do they push the envelope so that other countries has to follow?

    Warmongers, thats what i see.

    Lets hope the administration gets changed to something less warhappy and perhaps a it more interested in all US citizens than of enriching a few select people.
  • by bravehamster ( 44836 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:29PM (#8342086) Homepage Journal
    Chance favors the prepared mind....our military has contingency plans for EVERYTHING. There are departments in every branch whose only job is to constantly think up the most outlandish scenarios, idea, plans, etc. With every possible variant of enemies, allies, strength of forces, technology. I once saw a detailed plan of battle in the event that Canada and Mexico ally and attack the US. This same philosophy applies to funding projects. If congress suddenly gets a bug under it's ass about space defense, the Air Force can whip out this portfolio and say "Well, with only $60 million, we can put these forces in place." What's funny is to watch the public react when some of these plans leak. All sorts of people freak out, like a few years ago when a contingency plan for invading China leaked out at the same time that there was tension regarding Taiwan. Now maybe this proposal for space has advanced beyond that wild ass idea phase, and if that's the case then it's because the Air Force thinks Congress might go for it.

  • This is insane (Score:5, Insightful)

    by zx75 ( 304335 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:30PM (#8342096) Homepage
    Brief overview [nuclearfiles.org] of a proposal in front of the UN to ban all space-based weaponry which the US is actively part of.

    This, the nuclear non-proliferation and disarmament treaties, the anti-ballistic missile treaty, and the landmine treaty. Doesn't the US have ANY respect left for other countries let alone their own integrity? This is just getting disgusting.
  • Nothing new (Score:5, Informative)

    by SirWhoopass ( 108232 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:36PM (#8342191)
    This really isn't anything new. Space-based weapons have been thought of for at least as long as man has been in space.

    Starting in the late 1950s the Soviets began working on an nuclear orbital bombardment system [fas.org] that would bypass US early warning systems. There was also Salyut 3 [astronautix.com] in 1975 which carried a 23mm cannon that was used to fire at a target satellite

  • by fname ( 199759 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:42PM (#8342276) Journal
    Put aside the arms race issue, and the financial issues, ability to develop the technology, etc.

    The big problem is what happens once we start blowing up satellites in orbit. The debris will all enter new orbits, and there's a good chance that some of this debris will strike other satellites, which will strike others, which will destroy low-earth orbit for 50 years. That's probably why the US would not focus on kinetic weapons, which could hve chaotic consequences. OTOH, other countries with less dependence on space (and fearful of having their satellites blown up while the US satellites continue to function), would be more apt to use kinetic weapons and risk destroying loads of stuff in low-earth orbit. Don't worry, this won't affect GPS or DirecTV.
  • by ProudClod ( 752352 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:45PM (#8342315)
    had already planned defenses against this.

    Didn't George Bush say they had attempted to buy significant amounts of mirrors from African Nations, with which they were planning to coat important buildings ;)
  • by caliban02 ( 115069 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:46PM (#8342331)
    Anyone who has read sci fi knows that this stuff has been around for about 40 years. The principles haven't changed, and they're just being re-tread by the military.

    The article seems woefully unknowledgeable about the physics of the situation. I'm only quoting the sci-fi authors who brought up these topics originally: (Larry Niven, A.C. Clarke, etc...)

    "Even more outlandish is the Hypervelocity Rod Bundles research project. That effort calls for creating a system of metal poles, fired from space, that could strike anywhere on the planet. It's a long-held -- and long-ridiculed -- idea. Keeping the rods from liquefying as they enter the atmosphere is a daunting task,"

    From what I know of the system (did not read the whole AF brief) the proposal is to have a satellite orbit geosynchronously relatively above the target, and just fire the projectile downwards. The heat generated by re-entry is because of the horizontal motion of the craft, but a projectile of this type would only have vertical motion with respect to the atmosphere, and therefore relatively little heat generated. Please correct me if I'm wrong, physicists!

    "and could only deliver one-ninth the destructive energy per gram as a conventional bomb."

    Given that the military already uses kinetic kill technology (horizontally fired from vehicles, no explosives) that are able to penetrate main battle tank armor, why would dropping a similarly size projectile from orbit (wouldn't the terminal velocity be tremendous) be less than traditional explosives? I'm confused by their assertion.

    "In theory, lasers -- fired from the ground, from space, or from the air -- would bounce off these blimp-borne mirrors, to track or even destroy enemy missiles. "
    Why would you loft a laser platform into orbit and fire it through all that atmosphere down to a blimp, when you could just mount it on a large aircraft? The cost of getting it into orbit and having a blimp hovering around has to be less than strapping it into a 747, plus, you have less diffusion from a lower-altitude. Again, it sounds like the military is getting a little outlandish when simplicity might work better. (imagine that)

    "But the Air Force report goes far beyond these defensive capabilities, calling for weapons that can cripple other countries' orbiters. "

    Again, from what I've been told, it's not hard to destroy satellites. They are orbiting at ridiculously high speeds. Wouldn't just releasing a cloud of marbles (or even sand!) in their trajectory, orbiting in the opposite direction, easily shred the enemy satellite? The energy released by that impact would have a factor of twice the actual rotational velocity of the satellite -- a very large number, I would think. I don't think that there's any way to protect an orbiter from something like that. Again, if my physics is wrong, please correct me.

    All of this seems to me like they're just ignoring physics (in arguments for and against the systems) just like those who said Goddard couldn't fly a craft in space because you'd have no air to push off of.

    Sorry for the long post. This is just a very fascinating topic, and I suppose its good to see the media/military pick up on something that's only been fiction 'til now.
  • by Barkmullz ( 594479 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @03:52PM (#8342415)

    Please stop the planet so I can get off...

  • points to ponder (Score:4, Insightful)

    by tloh ( 451585 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @04:04PM (#8342630)
    from the article:

    "I don't think other countries will be taking this lying down," said Theresa Hitchens, the vice president of the Center for Defense Information. .... "This will certainly prompt China into actually moving forward" on space weapon plans of its own, she added. "The Russians are likely to respond with something as well."

    The Chinese, in particular are willing to spend a lot more on their space program. Despite being latecomer to the space game, they're playing catch up extremely well.

    This year, the Air Force will spend hundreds of millions of dollars to find ways to track enemy satellites -- and, if necessary, blind those eyes in the sky.

    What is to stop them from doing the same to us? I'd say we have a lot more to loose since we are so much more heavily invested in using space as a military resource.

    But it's unclear whether putting weapons into space would provide much protection. The arms themselves could become sitting ducks in orbit -- giving the United States a new weakness, not a new strength. Satellites are already a weak "center of gravity" in American militarty planning, argues Bruce DeBlois, the editor of Beyond the Paths of Heaven: The Emergence of Space Power Thought. They're vulnerbale to electronic jamming, orbiting projectiles and nuclear detonations in near-Earth space. The space-based weapons would have all of the same vulnerabilities -- and would make that center of gravity a more inviting target.

    My point exactly...

    "America is the country with the most satellites, he explained. By developing anti-satellite weapons, "it legitimizes systems that the U.S. has the most to lose from." Other countries could start pursuing long-taboo space weapons efforts. And while countries like China don't have the technical sophistication of the United States, they already have the capabilities to hurt us in space -- medium range missiles, and nuclear warheads.
    Wright added, "This could trigger a backlash that actually leaves the U.S. worse off."


    ...further driving the point home. Is it really worth it?
  • by kevlar ( 13509 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @04:09PM (#8342715)

    Incredible as it sounds, the EAGLE effort is underway at the Air Force Research Laboratory's Directed Energy division, sources there confirm. Also under research at the lab is the Ground-Based Laser, which, according to the Air Force report, would shoot "laser beams through the atmosphere" to knock out enemy spacecraft in low-earth orbit.


    If you remember, shortly after one of those commercial reconnaisance satelites went into orbit and photographed a military base (Area 51?), the military basically informed the company that it has the capability of dropping the satelite from orbit. Now, whether they mean via the space shuttle or now, I don't know. I have a hunch that the US military already has missles that can take out a satelite, especially since ICBM's have been around for decades.
  • by daveb ( 4522 ) <davebremer@g m a i l.com> on Friday February 20, 2004 @04:11PM (#8342744) Homepage
    I guess the US, being the only super-power (and colonizer), has so much money left over after ensuring it's people have the best healthcare, lowest crime and best education that protecting it's citizens via these weapons makes sense.

    ( ok they aren't colonies they are client-states)

  • by Robotbeat ( 461248 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @04:13PM (#8342771) Journal
    Let's not kid ourselves. Russian Space Web [russianspaceweb.com] has a nice piece [russianspaceweb.com] on the thoroughly demonstrated anti-satellite weapon systems of the former USSR. I don't know much about our (USA's) own anit-satellite system, but I do know that Russia has done much of this testing, and I would guess a lot more than the USA. I say that because Russia would know if we had tested the weapons, just as we knew that they did. And that information that they knew would be leaked, of course. So I think that Russia had a lot more antisatellite weaponry than the U.S., at least when it comes to kinetic energy weapons (i.e. a shrapnel bomb) in space.

    With this in mind, I believe that the USA military has a legitimate interest in developing at least a similar system for weapons parity. I mean, the US military depends heavily on space for communications, and if that were knocked down by China (say, if China wants to invade Taiwan) or maybe a future threat, we would need to be able to knock down either their weapons before they reached our satellites or to knock down their own satellites to make it a level playing field.

    And who knows. Russia seems of late to have forgotten what it means to be a democracy, so if some dictator arose in the future, it would have been nice to have at least thought of what to do beforehand. The future can't be predicted too accurately. 250 years ago, the most powerful nation on the earth today was a disjointed band of colonies under the rule of the British Empire. You never know. Hopefully the next great empire won't be like Hitler or Stalin or Mao Tse Tung and murder millions. Being a citizen of the USA, I believe that the USA should try to prevent such a murderous empire from taking control of the high ground and rain down their own fire from the skies.

    P.S. I realize that this is a huge piece of flamebait, but as this is a democracy, there needs to be contrasting opinions (diversity of opinion) for us to really function fairly here at slashdot, so please respect my opinion, as I respect yours.
  • by Dr. Spork ( 142693 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @04:16PM (#8342823)
    That stupid Powell, keeping Bush and Rummsfeld from developing the greatest Pentagon program ever: The Death Star. And the renaming of the Marines is also encountering some annoying gridlock... Gah! We want our Stormtroopers now!
  • by AvantLegion ( 595806 ) on Friday February 20, 2004 @05:08PM (#8343528) Journal
    I was able to defeat the Disable the Transport mission in X-Wing. Clearly, I am one of the few ready for the rigors of space combat.

  • This is not surprising. The US government has indicated pretty openly that they are going to militarize space. Their future Star Wars program, which will start rolling once the Missile Shield is "successful", will necessarily involve militarization of space.

    Recent attempts by Bush administration to reshape NASA is also consistent with this space goal.

    I have always claimed that the UN will collapse* if USA militarizes space. We'll see if I'm right.

    (* If you wonder why I think this, it is because of human behaviour. When USA militarizes space, it will most likely start claiming territory on the moon, mars, etc as its own. This is pretty consistent with human behaviour over time (just think of colonization, circa 1500's/1600's/etc). Whoever that has power in space will have power over territory in space. This is true if human behaviour is the same as in the past (i.e. warmongering territorial animals)--I don't see why it be any different since humans stopped evolving tens of thousands of years ago. This will mean that the UN has no say in territory disputes in space, and the UN will have no power to promote peace. Once that happens, there is no point of having the UN. People always mistakenly assume that the most important elements of the UN are things like WHO, WTO, UNICEF, UNHCR, and so forth, but the truth of the matter is, UN is primarily a body that is responsible for territories (ie. borders of countries).... On a different note, I also have a hypothesis that the UN will collapse right before WWIII--just like how the League of Nations collapses just before WWII. This has nothing to do with militarization of space. )

    Sivaram Velauthapillai
  • Look, the military has plans for EVERYTHING. Part of being in the military means drawing up plans: "What would we do if XYZ happened?" So that in the odd chance that XYZ happens -- say, we get invaded by aliens -- then the military has a plan that they can execute.

    And it's not just about plans for war in space. It's about plans for how chocolate-chip cookies should be made in the mess hall. Or for how clothes must be made, right down to the stitching, type of thread, precise colors and sizes.

    It's part of the military's duty: Create a plan that any idiot can follow and execute given existing equipment, along with several acceptable alternatives, for any given scenario -- be it making a bunk bed for a training facility or the threat of Earth being mowed down by Vogons to build a hyperspace bypass.

    Just because the military has plans to do something, doesn't mean they're going to do them. Because having plans they're not necessarily going to execute today is just part of what they do, so that if something DOES happen, they are prepared for it.

Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man.

Working...