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Star Wars Prequels Media Movies

The Definitive Episode 3 Spoiler Synopsis 428

Posted by timothy from the is-anakin-her-first dept.
An anonymous reader submits "Want to know who gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie? How come Yoda runs off to Dagobah? Who will Darth Vader kill? Will the Clonetroopers become Stormtroopers? Will Chewbacca or Grand Moff Tarkin have a role in Star Wars:Episode III, and if so what is it? AgonyEngine of the Phatooine Network dares to answers these questions with a definitive timeline synopsis and character analysis, carefully compiled from the many spoilers and spy reports from the insiders and interviews."
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The Definitive Episode 3 Spoiler Synopsis More

The Definitive Episode 3 Spoiler Synopsis

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  • OMG!?! ANAKIN IS DARTH VADER?! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:55PM (#7681571)
    What the hell?! Lucas shocks us again! This is bigger than Vader begin Luke's father, or Leia being Luke's sister.

  • Timeline Synopsis (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:55PM (#7681573)
    00:00:03 Server /.'ed.
  • Spoiler: Phatooine Network gets /.ed in the first few minutes.

  • You could have warned us! (Score:5, Funny)

    by TheWart ( 700842 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:56PM (#7681581)
    Thanks for ruining the movie...didn't even say the link contained spoilers.

    • Re:You could have warned us! (Score:5, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:00PM (#7681643)
      I'm sure Senior Lucas would have done a fine job ruining the movie all by himself anyway.

      • Re:You could have warned us! (Score:4, Interesting)

        by Rick the Red ( 307103 ) <Rick DOT The DOT Red AT gmail DOT com> on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @06:08PM (#7684221) Journal
        No shit. First, he says the story (all nine episodes) is as recalled by the droids. Then he says the droid's memory is erased at the end of episode 3 (so that they "forget" that Annie is Vadar). Then he abandons the concept entirely and gives us key sequences in episode 2 that are witnessed by neither C3PO nor R2D2. Shesh! Lucas can't keep his story straight. You know what they say, once you start to lie you have to keep making new lies to cover up the fact that you're lying. Lucas has lied to the fans for years.

        The truth is that he's just in it for the money, and he'll do anything that he thinks will pull in the most profit. He only put Lando in to sell tickets to blacks. He all but removed Jar-Jar from episode 2 because focus groups told him the diehards were only seeing episode 1 five times instead of ten because they hated Jar-Jar so much. In other words, he'll change the story line to sell tickets.

        The whole DVD delay was just to sell as many video tapes as possible, then turn around and sell DVDs to all those who bought the tapes (nooo - it was for the art, man! Lucas won't release a DVD unless it's right. Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever). The whole digital special effects thing is just to avoid paying for real actors (but can you blame him? I mean, really -- imagine the payroll for a clone army of Hollywood extras). Geeze, if it was for the art then you wouldn't see the mattes on the episode 4-6 SFX shots. But Lucas found that Kubric's overkill on 2001 didn't sell tickets, so we get mattes you can spot with your eyes closed. Hell, for all the super-D-duper digital effects in 1 and 2, you can still spot the mattes.

        He's said he will not make episodes 7-9, but I'll bet he will -- once the computer stuff is good enough that he can do the last three without any actors at all.

    • You cherished childhood memories raped for $$$$!! (Score:5, Funny)

      by Thud457 ( 234763 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:06PM (#7681722) Homepage Journal
      "Thanks for ruining the movie..."

      Seeing his recent track record, I'm sure George Lucas took care of that already.

    • So now I know somebody important dies in the first ten minutes of the movie? I know that Yoda runs off to Dagobah? Etc.

      No wonder the guy submitted the story anonymously. What an arsehole! It seems that is is impossible to avoid spoilers around here - I need a secretary to pre-parse the stories for me. Where's my wife...

  • A year away (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Aneurysm ( 680045 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:56PM (#7681589)
    Apparantly it is still over a year away, I bet a lot of these leaked rumours etc. will turn out to be quite wrong by the time the actual film comes around. Maybe a bit of Hollywood spin to get people talking?

    • Re:A year away (Score:5, Funny)

      by Neurotoxic666 ( 679255 ) <neurotoxic666.hotmail@com> on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:00PM (#7681651) Homepage
      .... yeeaaaah... like, maybe Leia is in fact Darth Vader, Anakin is an ewok, Darth Vader was born with his helmet on and the Jedi order lived happily ever after. Who knows.

      • Re:A year away (Score:3, Funny)

        by Jerf ( 17166 )
        Ah yes, the Star Trek "alternate timeline" approach^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H copout.

        "Those other movies are on another timeline. Everything actually turns out happily ever after! Here's more Jar-Jar for you!"
    • "Apparantly it is still over a year away, I bet a lot of these leaked rumours etc. will turn out to be quite wrong by the time the actual film comes around. Maybe a bit of Hollywood spin to get people talking?"

      Lucas keeps fiddling with movies up until the day they print. It'll undoubtedly change.
    • Nahh... they're spot on. We knew everything that was going to happen in AOTC in advance. Sometimes 2 years in advance.

  • The dark side... (Score:5, Funny)

    by wazzzup ( 172351 ) <astromacNO@SPAMfastmail.fm> on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:58PM (#7681611)
    is clouding my connection to the server. I heard a million requests and all went silent.

    • Re:The dark side... (Score:5, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:00PM (#7681646)
      That's what I'm trying to tell you kid, it's gone. It's not there anymore.

    • Blown Away (Score:5, Funny)

      by Guppy ( 12314 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:37PM (#7681992)
      LUKE: What's going on?

      HAN: Our link is correct, except...no, Website!

      LUKE: What do you mean? Where is it?

      HAN: Thats what I'm trying to tell you, kid. It ain't there. It's been
      totally blown away.

      LUKE: What? How?
      • Queen AgonyEngine: I was not elected to watch my website suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee! If this body is not capable of action, I suggest new leadership is needed. I move for a vote of "no confidence" in CowboyNeal's leadership.

        CowboyNeal : What?...No!

      • Re:Blown Away (Score:3, Funny)

        by Guppy06 ( 410832 )
        The ability to host a website is insignificant next to the power of a Slashdotting.

    • Re:The dark side... (Score:5, Funny)

      by JudgeFurious ( 455868 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:37PM (#7681993)

      "You would prefer another server? A military server perhaps? THEN NAME THE URL!"

      or of course I can see the guy running this server having a worried looking I.T. guy come up to him and report "We've analyzed the incoming traffic and there does appear to be some danger, should I prepare your shuttle to escape the potential slashdotting?"

      "Evacuate? When my website is about to experience it's moment of triumph? I think you badly overestimate the slashdot effect!"

      Then the little IT guy, knowing damned well what Slashdot can do to a server heads for the shuttle himself.

  • Better story synopsis (Score:5, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:58PM (#7681613)
    On Usenet [google.com]... in a phish group of all places. Still, matches up with the details of this linked story, and I think explains things better.

  • Cameo (spoiler!) (Score:5, Funny)

    by Alex Reynolds ( 102024 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:58PM (#7681616) Homepage
    Look out the for a walk-on from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. It's so awesome, Triumph walks up to Darth and asks him which button to press on his breather to call his parents to come pick him up! I'm pooping with anticipation!

  • LAF (Score:2, Funny)

    by BrainSmashR ( 731616 )
    You know they made a book out of those movies?? LAF

  • I read *all* spoilers these days, except for... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Hubert Q. Gruntley ( 310405 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:58PM (#7681622)
    movies I know I'm going to like.

    So I read the spoiler for Matrix: Revolution, and now I have absolutely no desire to see it. This technique also works for execrable movie adaptations like Timeline.

    This saves me:
    * a metric buttload of money;
    * from disappointment;
    * more time for my kids.

    • Re:I read *all* spoilers these days, except for... (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward
      I only watch movies at the 2nd run theatre. It saves money, and it's easier to justify spending $3 to watch matrix 3 than spending $8.

      Also, the theatre is usually less crowded, and they're more likely to show foreign/independent movies.

      • "I only watch movies at the 2nd run theatre. It saves money, and it's easier to justify spending $3 to watch matrix 3 than spending $8."

        I ended up watching Revoltions shortly after it came out because Slashdot wouldn't stop covering it. Even if I avoided the article, they still let spoilers slip here and there . It wasn't just Slashdot, either. Everybody wanted to babble about it. I wanted to get it over with before I knew everything about it before seeing it.

  • Dead in 10 minutes (Score:5, Funny)

    by The Ape With No Name ( 213531 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:59PM (#7681626) Homepage
    Want to know who gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie?

    That would be httpd, Bob.

  • old news... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by mookie-blaylock ( 522933 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:59PM (#7681629)
    This stuff has been readily available for a while -- also condensed at theforce.net [theforce.net].

    Being a former spoiler hound for episodes 1 & 2, I found that they sounded much better on paper than they were on screen. This one doesn't really even sound appealing on paper, beyond The Duel, which either means it's going to rock, finally (unlikely) or that it will be so mindblowingly bad that The Phantom Menace will look like Citizen Kane in comparison.
  • All that research! If we could only focus that amount of mental power on piecing together other important issues, like where Saddam Hussein is, or what exactly Michael Jackson was doing with those kids...

  • Slashdotting good for something (Score:5, Funny)

    by MisterFancypants ( 615129 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:00PM (#7681645)
    Today's Slashdotting has saved my weak-willed self from spoiling the movie. Hopefully the urge to click through has passed by the time the site is responding...

    • You may as well read it... (Score:4, Funny)

      by artemis67 ( 93453 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:41PM (#7682021)
      Today's Slashdotting has saved my weak-willed self from spoiling the movie. Hopefully the urge to click through has passed by the time the site is responding...

      If the last two movies were any indication of how the next one will play, then the spoilers will be far more entertaining.

  • The Essential Episode 3 Character Summary Analysis:

    ***This Character summary and analysis is the companion guide to the Definitive Episode 3 Plot and Timeline Synopsis. It will also be subject to change as we obtain new information about Episode 3. This character summary will provide additional information that the 'timeline' will not. Together, both projects should provide a signifigant insight into Star Wars Episode 3. Sources include: HS Set Notes, Web Cam, Web Chats, SW Insider, Homing Beacon, and other various rumors/sources from around the net.***

    Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader: In episode 3 Anakin will indeed be a Jedi Knight, and he will sport two very different looks. One rugged look, and one very rugged, scarred look. Rick McCallum confirms that Anakin loses more body parts. Anakin's light saber style is vulnerable on a slope. Anakin's turn to the dark side is TWO HRS LONG! Obi/Ani fight will not be about effects, but---betrayal! Anakin's downfall will make fans saddened, shocked, angry and betrayed! Anakin kills Dooku, and really early in the film as previously reported. And the former Jedi isn't officially named "Darth Vader" until after the lava bath. But don't take this to mean he doesn't do some very, very dark things before the duel takes place. A scene was filmed which echoes the Palpatine/Anakin discussion in Episode II. It also takes place in Palpatine's office, but the "assignment" being talked about in this situation is vastly different than that of the AOTC Palpatine/Anakin discussion. This assignment will likely be that of Palpatine's body guard... We will see why Darth Vader is named Darth Vader... All of Vader's injuries will be explained except one... We will see LORD VADER....choking could happen. Vader will be the most deadly character in the movie... There is currently no plan for Vader to be CG! It's true that Anakin will lose more of himself as the movie progresses and become more machine than man. One way in which this happens is that he'll lose his right leg after the 'duel'. Anakin knows Padme is pregnant... Anakin will attempt to rescue Obi again. JEJ won't record his dialogue for another year, if at all; he had been rumored to be recording 5 mins of dialogue for the final mins of the movie...

    - Dialogue - Vader/Anakin: 3 words from Vader: "I don't fear... "

    - Anakin meets Lava: (3 tests - one version will likely be used for the movie)

    - Anakin Test #1: Anakin is burned black almost completely head to toe, except for his face. He is charcoal black and it honestly is sickening. The only burn marks on his face creep up along his right side of the face and the top and bottom of his eye. His ear is almost completely gone and around his lips there are several severe burns as well. This is really a sight to behold.

    - Anakin Test #2: This test involved Hayden getting made to look very close to the unmasked Vader from Return of the Jedi. His skin is very dark tan in color and he has that huge gash in the right side of the top his head and other marks you may recognize. There are many small burns and scrapes on his face, with the most substantial burns appearing on both cheeks and then burned to a black crisp the rest of the way down.

    - Anakin Test #3: In this final version, Hayden was made up to be burned, but not NEARLY as severe. He has massive bags under his eyes and his hair is almost completely singed off - but not quite, some stubble still remains. The left side of his face is in terrible condition, extending down his neck then to an entirely burned body as well. The others look more over the top, where this one looks more like just terrible 2nd degree burns.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi/Ben: Obi-Wan's actions are important to the events that end the Clone Wars; he will become General Kenobi, THE great hero of the Clone wars! Obi-Wan will fight droids under water in Episode Obi-Wan will get the living crud beaten out of him in Eppy 3! Obi-Wan will become a fugitive and change his name to Ben... The reason

    • Wow. Thanks for posting this here! There was one author (and I wish I could remember who it was) who proposed that the only way to fix George Lucas' total screw-up of the story was to have the real blockbuster in episode 3 as follows: Darth Vader and Yoda are actually conspiring together to hide Luke and Leia from the Emperor... Because they would give the Emperor too much power for a Jedi-free universe to withstand. It's a great idea because it's the only way (I mean the ONLY way) to make the whole Luk

      • Re:The character development I'm really hoping for (Score:4, Interesting)

        by ConceptJunkie ( 24823 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @03:02PM (#7682208) Homepage Journal
        Sounds like something David Brin said. I've been a fan of that theory for years, but I doubt it's going to happen.

        The one thing I could say about the Star Wars movies is that almost no one is who he or she seems to be at first. This doesn't seem to apply to the newer movies as much as the original trilogy, but I'd always assumed that one of the big plot twists in Episode 3 will be something of this nature (e.g., Yoda is evil, Obi-Wan becomes Darth Vader, Jar-Jar becomes the Emperor, etc).

        Oh well, we still gotta wait another year and a half.

    • Re:Character analysis (seeing as it got slashdotte (Score:5, Funny)

      by I'm Spartacus! ( 238085 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @03:45PM (#7682599)
      > A shirtless Anakin, a pregnant Padme, and a
      > curious C-3PO have a scene together

      Dude, that's just sick!!!

  • Slashdotted: Full text of character analysis (Score:5, Informative)

    by revery ( 456516 ) * <charles@NoSpam.cac2.net> on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:01PM (#7681668) Homepage
    The Definitive Episode 3 Plot Timeline Synopsis:

    ***This is an effort to put all existing news and current rumor together in such a way that we (the fans) can visualize what Star Wars Episode 3 will be like over a year before hand, in a more entertaining manner than simple lists of unorganized facts; sources include: Star Wars Hyperspace, Set Notes, Insider, Homing Beacon, SW web chats, and current rumors that fit well with the facts from TFN, T'Bone, Eppy X, and JediNet***

    Star Wars Episode 3 - Revenge of the Sith (rumored title)

    Rated PG - Rumored to push the PG envelope

    Film time - Approximately 2hrs

    Film Style - Sci-Fi adventure; reported to have more action & adventure than the 1st two prequels

    Plot timeline and synopsis (keep in mind that the order and detail of scenes will be subject to change as new information becomes available; this is a living and breathing document):

    - Opening Scroll: Episode III takes place 3 years after AOTC and is very important because the film opens up in the middle of things (like ANH). ... Rumored paraphrase of the opening crawl: Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has been captured by the Separatists. Two Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker have found out where Palpatine is being held and lead a Squad of Clonetroopers to rescue the Chancellor...

    - Giant space battle: Supposedly the clone wars end at the beginning of the film and a huge space battle is taking place above the planet of Coruscant. It looks that the battle will be focused around a 'kidnapped' Palpatine. Windu will be in some sort of space action... Anakin will be impressive in the opening battle as he shows us all why he's known as the best star pilot in the galaxy. R2 will be part of a space battle between proto-type Ties and X-Wings. R2 will be flying in the back of a small fighter (new Jedi Starfighter) in Eppy 3 (likely with Anakin). The opening battle is strictly a SPACE battle, but land battles will occur later on in the film! We will see gigantic fleets of starships. Choreography of E3 space battle will supercede the ROTJ space battle.

    - Giant space battle - Jedi Starfighters: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Plo-Koon and other Jedi will fly Starfighters. These scenes include a Jedi being destroyed by enemy fire from behind, high-energy scenes of Anakin and Obi-Wan piloting a rotating Starfighter cockpit. Anakin will be wearing a similar headband seen used by Obi-Wan in the Jedi Starfighter in AOTC...

    - Giant space battle - Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge: The shooting is on the fully-constructed Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge set which is one of the largest built for Eppy 3. The Neimoidian characters in the scene will show them working the controls of the ship and looking up with alarm at a new development. Sounds like someone is about to go kablooey!

    - Giant space battle - Anakin Rescues Obi-Wan, Kills Dooku, and saves Palpatine: Dooku is supposed to die within the first 10 minutes of the movie... Christopher Lee shot a pivotal confrontation scene as Count Dooku which will have action and powerful dialogue. It's rumored he will be beheaded by Anakin due to a conversation between Nick Gillard's and Christopher Lee. While Lee was chatting with Gillard, he jokingly talked about decapitation. It's also rumored that Dooku will lose some limbs and Anakin will hack him up with two sabers...

    - Rumored action: Obi-Wan and Anakin are flying new Jedi Starfighters that have a strange similarity to TIE fighters in the original trilogy. It's a very exciting scene with lots of action. Obi-Wan and Anakin try to get a lock on Shaak Ti's tracking device (she was captured along with Palpatine) and find that she and Palpatine are in the most heavily guarded ship. Obi-Wan and Anakin call for backup from the Clone troopers just as 20 or so droid fighters leave the ship and attack.

    - The droid fighters look like smaller Imperial shuttles. The battle continues and one of the droid shuttles deploys a bunch of sphere shaped droids

  • /.'d already (Score:2, Funny)

    by Amigori ( 177092 ) *
    25 comments in and its /.'d already. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this is Slashdot afterall. Its not like there are any Star Wars geeks here.

  • Portman (Score:5, Funny)

    by The Ape With No Name ( 213531 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:10PM (#7681748) Homepage
    Rated PG - Rumored to push the PG envelope


    That sound you hear is ten of thousands of 35-year-old men padding off to "be alone" for a bit.

    • Re:Portman (Score:4, Insightful)

      by (trb001) ( 224998 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @05:30PM (#7683782) Homepage
      Somehow, I doubt that Natalie Portman with hot grits and naked is what we're likely to see...more than likely, it's pushing to envelope for gruesomeness and excessive fight scenes. In order to convince us that Anakin is essentially killed and "resurrected" as Vader, Lucas is going to burn him to death and make it damn vile.

      --trb

  • Mirror (Score:5, Informative)

    by KlomDark ( 6370 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:10PM (#7681756) Homepage Journal
    Mirrored the spolier synopsis here [servebeer.com]

  • Timothy wins (Score:5, Funny)

    by WinDoze ( 52234 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:14PM (#7681794)
    from the is-anakin-her-first dept.

    Best... Slashdot... Dept... EVER!

  • Lava bath: known long ago, or not? (Score:5, Interesting)

    by RobertB-DC ( 622190 ) * on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:14PM (#7681796) Homepage Journal
    I'm a fan, but not a fanboy, so I haven't kept up with Star Wars 'canon'. But for some reason, I've always remembered hearing that Darth Vader would become the Man in the Iron Lung in a battle with Obi-Wan in some sort of volcano-like setting.

    Was that alluded to in one of the SW novels, did Lucas say it back in the '80s, or am I psychic (as opposed to psychotic)?

    (BTW, easy decision whether to read the spoiler synopsis. I know the story outline will be far superior to the movie itself, so there's nothing lost.)
    • I remember hearing this as far back as 1984, and it could go farther than that (if only my memories would :). It was either some fan magazine or the Fan club magazine itself.

      It wouldn't surprise me if it was in the original Star Wars script. He had a LOT of stuff in that at first.
    • I think the Volcano comes from his original script ideas that included a much longer movie than what we saw in Star Wars, which is why Star Wars become episode 4.

  • Who gets killed in the first ten minutes? (Score:5, Funny)

    by bfg9000 ( 726447 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:15PM (#7681801) Homepage Journal
    Please God, let it be Jar Jar. Three hours of "Faces of Death"-like gore footage of Jar Jar getting digested by that big sand worm would get *MY* ten bucks.

  • Obvious Questions... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by MisanthropicProggram ( 597526 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:20PM (#7681860)
    Where do these leaks come from?
    And, are these leaks actually a marketing ploy of Lucas?

    Here's where I'm coming from. There's this story of a restaurantour (sp?) who wanted to drum up business for his band new restaurant. So, for the first month of business, he would tell people who called for reservations that he was booked for a month - even though he had no business at all! This generated a buzz, and increased the popularity of his restaurant many times over even though he wasn't even in business yet! And when he finally opened up, he had more business then he could handle!
    Don't forget folks, Lucas is a brilliant marketeer!

  • nothing is definitive, remember... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Savatte ( 111615 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:27PM (#7681916) Homepage Journal
    how after episode 1 came out, people said that episode 2 has to be much darker in order for the prequels to have continuity with the originals? And remember how light and fluffy it was? George Lucas isn't necessarily going to wrap up all plot points for a cohesive story. Sure, stuff has to happen, but that doesn't mean it will happen on-screen.
    • Episode 2 was pretty dark for a Star Wars movie, man. Instead of "Yippee!!" every 5 minutes, we had Anakin hack up a bunch of Sand people. Lots of Jedi dying. Less Jar-Jar. Anakin losing an arm (note that the only other time this happens to a "hero" is in the other dark SW movie, ESB). Jango Fett dead, in front of his son. The Empire starting to form.

      Take out that idiotic love scene (thank you Imax!), which is kind of important when you think about it, and there's hardly anything light in the whole movie.
  • I'm not going to check the website since I don't want anything to be spoiled. But I'm wondering about one thing: Does it give an answer why certain Jedi's fade away when they die and why other don't?
    • I can't imagine why you want exactly one thing spoiled, but according to the article (which must be taken with a grain of salt the size of Ohio), the answer to your question is "The article says that the movie will give an answer to the question".

      Happy?

    • Re:A simple question question: (Score:5, Insightful)

      by badasscat ( 563442 ) <basscadet75@@@yahoo...com> on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @03:07PM (#7682260)
      I'm not going to check the website since I don't want anything to be spoiled.

      Lots of people have joked about spoilers in this thread and a few people have brought it up seriously. I just wonder why anyone actually cares about spoilers in episode three of a six-part series when you've already seen episodes 1, 2 and 4-6. I mean sure, some of the specifics are unknown previous to this, but we all know Anakin becomes Vader, we all know Obi-Wan and Yoda run off and hide, we all know Luke and Leia get split up at birth and their mother dies (or we think she dies), etc. So what if we find out now that Count Dooku gets decapitated? Who really cares? This movie is not about that, and you already know everything you need to know about the main plot.

      I actually found the plot/timeline synopsis pretty interesting to read - probably more interesting than the movie itself will be, if only to see the sequence of events and the filled-in gaps, even if I already knew pretty much all of the major plot points.

  • Han Solo (Score:3, Funny)

    by HTH NE1 ( 675604 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:37PM (#7681998)
    "Wow, who would have thought that Han Solo was Anakin Skywalker's half-brother."

  • Spoiler Synopsis (Score:4, Funny)

    by jazman_777 ( 44742 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:40PM (#7682016) Homepage
    Everything in EP3 ends up the way things are when EP4 begins.

  • plot alternatives (Score:5, Informative)

    by falsification ( 644190 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:46PM (#7682060) Journal
    That does sound a lot like Lucas.

    That script needs to be criticized, however. We should not see Darth Vader in Ep III at all. That would preserve suspense on who Darth Vader is until the end of ESB.

    BTW, I still like the plot idea talked about on Usenet [google.com] a while back. That would be more of an emotional scene between Anakin and Padme.

  • My eyes! The goggles do nothing! (Score:3, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @03:11PM (#7682303)
    A shirtless Anakin, a pregnant Padme, and a curious C-3PO have a scene together.

    Sounds like a synopsis of some of the worse fanfic out there. There's "pushing PG" and there's just plain wrong.

  • Villain credibility (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Coryoth ( 254751 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @03:24PM (#7682423) Homepage Journal
    Lucas seems to havea real problem managing his villians. He establishes a powerful villiain in Ep1, capable of killing senior Jedi, only to finish the film by cutting him in half. So in Ep2 we have to get introduced to Dooku, who happily kicks Annakin and Obi Wan around, only to be summarily killed at the very beginning of Ep3, so we get a new all powerful villain General Grevious (where the hell does he get these names, just looking through the dictionary?!) who has apparently killed many jedi. So um, exactly how good are these Jedi. There are apparently not that many of them, but there seems to be a large supply of villains who can kick them around.

    Lucas really needed to do better than "no, I don't like him anymore, lets' make another villain" approach to things.

    Jedidiah

  • If your childhood was raped by George Lucas (Score:5, Insightful)

    by bckrispi ( 725257 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @03:49PM (#7682640)

    Get over it!!! I for one am tired of people whining about "how bad Phantom Menace sucked" and "George Lucas is a talentless hack". Is the magic that the original trilogy instilled in you gone in the prequels?? Guess what nerd boy? You're not seven anymore!! Star Wars magic is much easier to digest when you're flying through your living room in your Boba Fett underoos.

    Was TPM perfect? No, far from it. The dialog was campy and the acting was occasionaly wooden. But AFAIC, the story was rock solid! It set the stage perfectly for what was to come: The galaxy in decline, and Palpatine subtly moving into position to declare himself emporer. The sith reappear for the first time in 1000 years, and we see the boy-who-would-be-Vader as innocent and vulnerable. For this, I can forgive the few jar-jar-isms that get on my nervs.

    Episode 2: George gives you what you want, and *still* you bitch!!!! For 20 frickin years, fanboys have wanted to see Boba Fett's arsenal in action, and we finally got it! The darts, the rocket pack, the flamethrower, Slave I; it's all there! We see stormtroopers that can actually hit something. We are exposed to a very film noir Coruscant. Yoda opening a green can of whoopass. You want to whine about Hayden's acting as Anakin? Watch the scene again where he returns carrying the body of his mother, and his following confession to Padme'. Brilliant!! We get to see the Empire born before our eyes with JW's Imperial March resonating in the background. Ohh, but there were a few awkward love scenes that distracted me for 5 minutes THIS MOVIE SUCKS!!!

    You want to talk about crappy dialog??? How about:

    There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser!!

    You want crappy characters that do nothing to the story but sell toys??

    one word....Ewoks

    You want to whine about GL? If it wasn't for him stepping up to the plate in the early seventies, SCI-FI in film would be DEAD! His work paved the way for Alien, the Star Trek film franchises (and spin offs), and countless other films of the eighties and nineties. You think I'm wrong? Name the last successful "fantasy" film franchise prior to Peter Jackson.....

    In closing, both the magic and the weaknesses of the Original Trilogy are present in the Prequels. If you want to be a bitter-thirty-something whose Boba Fett underoos don't fit anymore, fine! You're entitled to your opinions. But there are millions of us fanboys out there who are damn sick & tired of you constantly pissing on our popsicle!

  • Biggest Question not answered (Score:3, Interesting)

    by SomeOtherGuy ( 179082 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @04:19PM (#7682927) Journal
    Why a Jedi Master as great as Yoda shows all the decision making skills and insight of a being with Jar Jar's brain throughout the films -- and then cowers away in hiding at the end. In eps 4-6 I always attributed it to his age....But he seems to be pretty much in his prime in eps 1-3...Yet still is a dunce in matters that really matter.

  • Since when . . . (Score:5, Funny)

    by Vinnie_333 ( 575483 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @05:58PM (#7684131)
    . . . does the PLOT matter in a Star Wars movie? Actors recite cheesy dialogue, things blow up, everyone's happy. The only plot point in a SW movie was the hole "you're my dad?" thing in SW:ESB.

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